Acid Thunder

Well, turns out that I might have an ulcer and I have to take some pills for a month. So I guess that means bread can stay. The diet wasn't all in vain though, since my doctor would have had me do that anyways. I'm just relieved that the goddamn thing is over.

I'd still recommend it to anyone who is trying to quit a bad food habit or smoking even. I found it easier to be missing a whole bunch of things all at once. That way, you don't concentrate on just one vice and end up going back to it. But to each their own. It's a hell of a test of your willpower.

Guess I will have to find something else to bitch about. In the mean time, here's Howie watching me while I work.

1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10

Well I made it to Day 10. The last day of cleansing my body of impurities. After this I get to answer this trivia question, in the style of Jackpot:

"I can make you bloat, make you roll on the ground in the fetal position with gas pain, make you clear a room in a matter of seconds, or give you 60 seconds to find the nearest bathroom and make you not care if it's straight out of Trainspotting or not. What kind of food am I?"

I guess wheat. We'll soon see.

I must confess that I cheated last night. Q and I went out for chicken wings. Chicken is on the list of approved foods, however I would assume being deepfried in oil is not - even if it's not explicitly stated. But I didn't have any fries or beer. Really, there is only so much I can do as a human being. I payed for it this morning anyways. Apparently mounds of oil doesn't go over so well on a "clean" stomach. Still haven't lit up yet!

I also have to confess that I hate Roasted Soy Nuts. I bought them because I couldn't have peanuts. I've only been eating them because they taste like salt. I'm sure that if you took a handfull of small pebbles and dusted them with salt, you'd get the same experience. These might be easier on the digestive system.

On a side note, I got the Scissor Sisters DVD today. Hopefully I will be happier with it than with the remix CD. If the live footage is good enough, I think I'll iPod it.

99 Luftballons

Today's lucky number is 9.

9 days of no smoking, caffeine, bread, pasta, chocolate, VODKA, and other essentials of life.

Woke up in a very bad mood again today. Mostly because the cats were keeping us up all night by getting into everything they could. The kicker was when I discovered my eye drops wedged under the wine fridge. Howie learned to fly. Guess he was lucky we have soft furniture. Mabel is a little smarter than her brother and stayed the fuck away. I didn't even give them their morning treats. They looked very sad when I left for work. Guess I would be too if I ran up to someone in the morning to say hello and was met with a FUCK OFF!!

Withdrawl is a bitch. When I woke up the first time last night, I was instantly seething with anger. Pure rage was seeping out of my pores and through my veins. Not at anyone or anything - just all emotion. I also cherish my sleep and am very perturbed when it's disturbed. I've been known to whack Q or shove him rather harshly in the middle of the night if the poor guy inadvertantly wakes me up. This happens before I know what's going on or can stop myself. It's not a regular thing, but does happen from time to time.

So this morning all I wanted to calm my nerves was a cigarette, which of course I didn't have and wasn't going to have. But I was pretty calmed down by the time I got to work and feel better now.

I saw a friend of mine today who I hadn't seen in a few weeks. She noticed right away that I had lost some weight - especially in my face. I noticed too the other day when I put on a certain pair of pants. I quit smoking and lost weight. Who knew?

Is there a full moon sometime soon? The pets have been extra weird lately.

Oh, and a special shout out to everyone for their support with quitting smoking. I think I'll actually make it.

99 dreams I have had In every one a red balloon
It's all over and I'm standing pretty
In this dust that was a city
If I could find a souvenir
Just to prove the world was here
And here is a red balloon
I think of you, and let it go

UPDATE

My God I'm losing it. I've quoted Nena.

Day number ATE

Well, it was a week today when I had my last cigarette and ate normal food. Ever since then it's been up and down. Today is definitely a down. I am having the worst nicotine cravings and it's making me real bitchy.

It started last night when i wanted to eat every food that was on TV. Then Q would lite up a smoke and I'd stare at him until he finished it. This morning I could kill. I'd like to wear a sign that says "Get Outta My Way Bitch!" to give people warning, but I'll just have to clench my teeth and not kill them the old fashioned way.

This is weird cuz I thought that the worst of it was over. Guess not.

Give me strength not to strangle anyone.

Fire! Fire Where?? Fire There!!

So Q had to go to work this morning, and I'm laying on the couch watching Cruising. This has got to be one of Al Pacino's finest movies - ever. It's about 9:30 am and I hear our wine cooler making an odd sound and then I smell smoke. So I'm thinking "great. motor's burnt out. where the hell is the Home Depot receipt, how the hell am I going to return it, etc etc."

I pull it a way from the wall, but don't see anything and the smell of smoke isn't any stronger. The cooler is by the door, and on a hunch I open it. Smoke is everywhere, the hallway is filled . I'm only wearing my bathrobe, so I hastily grab the phone, dial 911 and try to get dressed at the same time,

911: Hello 911. Do you need fire, ambulance or police?
ME: FIRE!!
911: Hold on, I'll put you through. Don't hang up.
I get passed on to someone else
911: What seems to be the problem?
ME: Well, I am on the second floor and my hallway is filled with smoke!
911: OK, well we have someone on the way. Please go out and pull the fire alarm.
ME: I'm not going back out there! It's filled with smoke!
911: OK then, well someone is on the way.

Gee thanks a lot. So then my mind starts going over what to do in case of a fire:

Towel at base of door - check.
Keep all windows and doors shut - check.

My apt is still filling up with smoke and the alarm starts going off. I start on Mission: Find and catch the freaked out cats. I also call Q and let him know that the building is burning down. He stays calm and tells me to get the cats and if worse comes to worse I can climb down the balcony. Of course I know this already, but what the hell else is he going to tell me when he's an hour a way???

Eventually I catch both traumatized cats and shove them in their kennel, get my coat, shoes, cell phone, keys, ipod and camera (funny what becomes important), take a deep breath to hold while running down the hall and open the door -

Most of the smoke is gone, the door to the old man's apt across the hall is open and firemen and police are there talking to him. Turns out he set his kitchen on fire, but everything's ok now and I can go back inside.

And to answer everyone's first question: I don't know if the firemen were hot. They were all dressed up in layers of clothes, most had their backs turned to me and the one I did speak to was quite dismissive. I was also a little freaked out too. I wish I knew.

So I let the kitties out, opened all the windows and went outside for a walk. Called Bruce, let him know everything was OK, went to Tim Horton's, got my green tea and sat and listened to my ipod for a while until I had calmed down.

So much for a restful, relaxing Saturday morning.

Day 5 -Things I'd like to have right now, but can't

1. Dark, bitter, swiss chocolate
2. Oh Henry bar
3. Snickers bar
4. Ginger Ale
5. Beer
6. Red wine
7. Vodka martini, staight up, dirty, with olive
8. New York steak - rare please
9. Hamburger
   
10. Fries
    
11. Cigarette
12. Bread
13. Green Tea
14. Tim Horton's everything bagel double toasted with butter - on both sides
    
15. Pasta
16. A group of hot, hairy men to do with as I please, or maybe as they please.
    

I think this diet is starting to work, and if you'll notice, chocolate came way before cigarettes.

Sometimes I miss my slutty days like I miss my smokes.

Moses would be proud.

So I'm at Subway for lunch, wanting a sandwich really bad, but settling for a salad instead. I notice that there is this cute Jewish guy in front of me and begin to wonder if those Yamakas act like a cushion for when you're getting your ass pounded and your head keeps hitting the headboard. I then proceed to picture said activities with the aforementioned man until I realize that I'm having a sex fantasy in line for food at Subway. oops.

On a somewhat related note, our Government is now in the process of debating gay marriage. 4 years ago Paul Martin thought it was icky but now he tells us that butt blasting and clit climbing is the greatest thing since all those years he spent as an alterboy. Let's hope that he can convince enough people that the world won't end if I'm allowed to marry the one I love.

Day 4

Well, no cigarettes again. I found half a pack in my briefcase this morning, screamed in glee like a little girl, then ran them under the tap and threw them in the garbage while I was still able. Haven't had any since Monday (which was just one). Funny enough, my cravings are starting to subside a little bit.

I think the worst of the cleansing is over. I was really sick on Tuesday night as all the toxins were leaching out of my system. Not feeling 100% now but feeling a lot better. I think I may be coming down with the flu though. I've been slightly dizzy now for almost 2 weeks.

I think that the eye zapping was a success. Hard to tell at this point as things are still a little blurry, but I think that things were less glare-ish last night.

Me and Pneu are renting SAW tonight. Can't wait. Q already has a list of many other things he'll be doing while we watch the movie. He can't stand horror flicks. I can't get enough of them.

Zip Zap Zoup

No cigarettes today. Hooray for me.

However, I got my eye lasered again. I had laser eye surgery 4 years ago (only in one eye), and I ended up developing the dreaded nightglare. But it was worth it. I learned to live with it (it's more annoying than anything) and enjoyed the freedom of waking up and being able to see the clock (and who's next to me), no worries at the beach, no fogging in cold weather etc etc.

Lately, my night vision has been annoying me. I'm finding that my perception at night is getting worse. It's never been great, but it's getting to the point where I am not liking driving at night. It's really strange, being able to see something clearly, yet not knowing exactly where it is.

This definitely is not a side effect of the surgery. Like I said, it's always been somewhat of a problem. It was impossible for me to drive at night with contacts - I couldn't tell what stoplight was where, or how far away cars and stoplights were. Needless to say contacts didn't last long. The nightglare is just adding to the problem.

So 4 years later, the technology and lasers have improved to the point where they are now able to treat night vision. Laser eye surgery is a weird procedure. They numb your eye, then stick this contraption under you eyelids so you can't blink (a la Clockwork Orange), then they peel back a flap of your eye, zap zap zap, put the flat back, put a contact in and you're done. Of course there are numerous eye drops to be used for the next week to help the healing process.

In the end, there is no guarantee that this will work, or if it does, how much it will work, but it was worth a shot. At least I can already tell that my vision is as good as ever (20/15 or 15/20, whichever is better - I always get the order mixed up). I should know about the night vision soon, it can take a while to completely heal. Things are still a little blurry right now. But not blurry enough to not know that Q's cigarettes are on the coffee table. God give me strength.

Give it to me!!!!!!!!!!!

OK, so if you couldn't tell from my previous post, I'm just a little bit cranky today. I've decided to do a cleansing diet and quit smoking. I haven't been feeling the best lately and I know that smoking has played a big part, plus I think I've developed yet another food intolerance.

I want a cigarette.

Not sure if any of you know what a cleasing diet it, but it's a great way to rid your body of toxins and chemicals and helps restore balance to your system. You have to avoid alcohol, barley, oats , rye, wheat, caffeine, coffee, orange pekoe tea, chocolate, soft drinks, sugar, corn, dairy, eggs, grapefruit, oranges, peanuts, beef, pork, shellfish, processed and refined foods. PHEW!

You keep this up for 10 days, eating as much of anything else that you want and yes, there's lots left to eat. Then you slowly reintroduce the things you cut out and monitor your reaction. I think I'm having problems with wheat. I am preparing to kiss regular cereal, pasta, cookies and bread goodbye.

I just realized that I've never made a list of things I can't eat. So here it is for all of you who don't care:

1. Dairy -including anything containing milk, butter (ok in small doses), cheese (except goat), sour cream, cream cheese, buttermilk, whey powder, milk solids and anything else remotely related - except yogourt as the lactase enzyme is already broken down.
2. Anything containing MSG
3. Anything containing onion powder or garlic powder (real stuff is fine)
4. flavoured potato chips - all use either msg or milk powder
5. Doritos, cheetos, etc
6. pesto
7. Milk chocolate ( I will NEVER give up dark chocolate!)
   
8. Ice cream, whipped cream
9. Coffee
   
10. Most processed foods - almost every packaged food product upsets my stomach. I don't do well with additives and preservatives. If you can't pronounce it, DON'T EAT IT!!
11. Probably more things that I don't rememeber.....
    

This list may seem small, but if you take a look at the things you buy, chances are they contain at least one of these - especially whey powder and milk powder. Oh and did I mention that I was hypoglycemic as well? So on top of all that, I have to watch my sugar intake, watch what I eat, and most importantly when I eat. It's a fucking pain in the ass. Q is an absolute saint for putting up with me when my blood sugar is out of whack.

Speaking of which, I just spoke with him and it looks like our talk was successful. He wants us to go out on a date. I think that's cute. I can feel the bitchy lifting already.......

Valentine's Day Sucks

I've never been a big fan of V day. Seems like such a commotion for absolutely nothing. You are pressured into buying flowers, buying chocolates, buying dinner, buying a card etc etc. What ever happened to a simple I Love You - spoken out of the blue, with no warning, followed with a kiss? That would melt me any day.

I just hate feeling like I have to go out of my way on this certain day to show how much I love someone. I tell ya, if you don't know it already then there's a problem. Fortunately Q feels pretty much the same way as me. He ended up working into the evening. I made supper and we ate it. No candles, no wine, no flowers, no cards. Then we had a chat about our relationship - specifically I had a chat about something that was making me very unhappy. I feel better having gotten if off my chest, but I don't know if it is resolved, or at least on the way to being resolved. Time will tell.

You know, after thinking about it, I think that next year I'll just accept the fakeness of it all and have myself a Bree VanDeKamp Valentine's Day.

Maybe then I'll get laid at least.

I Love Pork

I was driving in to work today, and saw the most interesting bumper stickers on this very old car in front of me, with a middle-aged woman driving:

YOU LOVE PIG

and

HAVE YOU HUGGED A PIG TODAY?

Yes, the word pig was in pink letters. You know, it's one thing to say "I love pig" but to demand that someone else love it too? Weird. I've never been told that I love something before, except by my first bf (who was also crazy) when he said "You do love me!!! And I'm not letting you break up with me!!!"

I slept with one eye open after that, until I got out.

Please make it stop.

Why did I dream last night that I was back in university, only it was totally different from the one I went to, and Howard Jones was playing a concert in my class room?

Why did I dream that later he was playing again in the auditorium, except he was on a platform in the middle of the floor with everyone around him?

Why then, in my dream, did I go up on to the empty stage and piss on it in front of everyone. Not once, but twice?

Why? Why won't my brain ever just let me sleep peacefully? Why I ask you, WHY?

Knob Gobblers

Well according to Punxsutawney Pete, there will be another 6 weeks of winter this year. Yay.

This historic groundhog watching event took place this morning in Punxsutawney Pennsylvania. But do you know where in Punxsutawney?

Gobbler's Knob.

I'll stop right there.

Reality Check

I was waiting for a friend of mine in front of the grocery store in the lower level of her office building today. I was a little early so I planted my ass down on a bench and settled in for some people watching. I love doing that.

I soon saw an old woman walk up to a trash bin and start picking through it. She was getting the receipts out of discarded grocery bags and putting them in her pocket. I assume she's planning on taking them back to the store, picking something off the shelf and trying to return it.

Then she picked through a little more and pulled out some McDonalds cups that still had pop in them. Next, she proceeded to take an empty plastic coke bottle out of her purse and pour the contents of the cups into it.

It made me feel a little sad to think that this could be someone's grandmother. She didn't look like a street person, but probably just got by day to day.

What made it even more interesting was another old, crouched over lady sat down on the bench beside her and started going through her purse. The thing was, when she bent down, her cheeks drooped forward a few inches and literally hung off her face. She was probably digging for almost 10 minutes. Old ladies and their purses - I will just never understand.

I really wished I'd had a camera to capture that moment. It was unique, to say the least.

Scissor Mixers

I've always been a fan of remixes. Over the years I have spent too much money on overpriced CD singles and vinyl to hear different mixes of my favourite songs. So I was excited to discover the Scissor Sisters Remixed EP.

Well, pardon the irony, but it's really nothing to write home about. Just 2 mixes of Filthy/Gorgeous, 4 mixes of Comfortably Numb, and 2 b-sides -The Skins, and 2 mixes of Electrobix.

The thing I love most about Filthy/Gorgeous is the pseudo disco baseline. Why anyone thought it was a good idea to replace that with a barebones rock drum track and heavy guitar (a la ZZ Top) is beyond me. The other version is just an extended mix - just an extra verse at the end.

I've also been a fan of Tiga over the years (minus the Sunglasses at Night remake), so I was looking forward to his version of Comfortably Numb. Blech. Boring. The part that really got me was after Jake sings "relax" and then Tiga samples himself singing "don't do it."

If you're going to do something that cheesy, you really should go all the way and sample Frankie at least. Sheesh.
The other mixes aren't anything special either.

Well, the only saving grace to the EP is the Hungry Wives Remix of Electrobix. A great electro-industrial track. Probably the only one that will make it to my iPod.

I wouldn't bother picking up this disc if you see it - unless it's $4.99 or something.

On another note, I got the new Erasure CD, Nightbird. Definitely one the best albums they've put out since Chorus in '91. That's a long time. They really took a downward slide after the Phantasmagorical concert (let's just pretend that the Loveboat album didn't really happen).

Anyways, Nightbird has been getting a lot of press lately, and it's well deserved. It's an album that you have to listen to 3-4 times before it starts to grow on you, but I've always found those are the ones that I keep going back to year after year. If you're a fan, you need to pick this one up.

I also bought tix to see the tour in Las Vegas. Just have to remember to pack my Depends so I won't have to leave the slot machines.