Normlr than you

I Love New York

2008-09-29T21:03:00.001-04:00

I've been in hiding.

2008-07-20T22:26:00.002-04:00

Be back soon.

World of Coke

2008-04-01T07:33:00.003-04:00

Hotlanta

2008-03-31T22:32:00.003-04:00

Just spent a wonderful extended long weekend in Atlanta - to be known from this point on as Hotlanta. OMFG the men. So hot. So big and beefy. So many hot men. Is it something they put in the water? Or is it from the grits? Whatever it is, Hotlanta is the eye candy capital of the world. Excuse my while I wipe the drool off my chin....

Loved the food. Found some amazing restaurants, and also had the opportunity to have some authentic, down home, southern cooking. Who knew that sweet potatoes and marshmallows went so well together? Try as I may, I still can't develop a taste for grits though.

Hotlanta is also the Coca Cola Capital of the Universe. Everything there is Coke. As such we had to check out the World of Coke. Had to take some photos and a video too.

Coca Cola Jihad

What's that Han Solo? Are you making pudding?

Han Solo says "Would you like a cool, refreshing Coca Cola?"

Why yes I would. Thank you Han Solo!

One for the road.

Warm Leatherette

2008-03-13T00:12:00.003-04:00

Laurie Anderson eat your heart out.

I just saw on TV that acid washed jeans and neon were back in. At this point I think it's fair to say anything goes, so I decided to bring back 80's performance art.

Warm leatherette melts on your burning flesh.
I can see your reflection in the the luminescent dash.

HomoHello?

2008-03-07T10:46:00.003-05:00

Gotta love captcha's!!

Jem vs Le Tigre

2008-03-05T23:52:00.002-05:00

Haven't had the time to throw together a new vlog yet. But this, this is like when you discovered that you liked chocolate and you liked peanut butter and then realized that they could come together and be yet another satisfying entity all its own.

Because my work has been called the Antithesis of Art.

2008-03-02T20:06:00.002-05:00

GuiTard Hero

2008-02-26T07:52:00.002-05:00

I have a guilty pleasure. But it's not my fault. I bought a Guitar Hero guitar and game as backup birthday presents for my nieces. You see, as a family we were going to get them Rock Band, but were having a difficult time finding the PS2 version. So I got those just in case.

I ended up finding Rock Band the day before and should have returned Guitar Hero. However curiosity got the best of me. I had to try it. The guitar had been staring at me for a week. So I gave in.

In case any of you were wondering, Rock Band is a hell of a lot of fun. It comes with a guitar, microphone and drum kit - you can also use your GH guitar as a bass. I got booed off while singing a Nirvana song. Obviously I need to stick to guitars.

Cloverfield Review

2008-02-21T23:56:00.001-05:00

I don't think I could ever sit through Cloverfield again. Ever.

Baby Daddy

2008-02-04T20:02:00.000-05:00

I'm not a Senator! Honest!

2008-02-01T17:43:00.001-05:00

Shreddies Diamonds

2008-01-29T20:25:00.001-05:00

If you thought the MacBook Air was cool

2008-01-28T09:51:00.000-05:00

You should check out the iNvisible iBook. I want one.

Take Two

2008-01-27T20:02:00.000-05:00

Wow. Didn't think that I would drop off the blogosphere like that, but apparently I needed a break. Running your own business is a lot of work. I wish someone would have told me beforehand. But things are going very well and it was a very, very good decision. Happy I am.

So I've decided to try something a little different. Here's my latest post in video form. Is that called a vlog? A vblog? Vog maybe?

If I was living in an X-Ray world.

2007-11-07T22:11:00.000-05:00

I am never drinking out of a glass in a hotel room ever again.

2007-11-06T21:40:00.000-05:00

Never ever.

http://www.breitbart.tv/?p=7714

Silly Nazy

2007-11-05T21:45:00.000-05:00

First of all I'd like to dish out a big thank you to everyone who showed up on Saturday night. I like being the center of attention, so thanks for indulging me. It meant a lot.

On a completely different note, I had to give up my Blackberry last week. I swear the last time I missed something this much was when I quit smoking. They call them crackberries for a reason. I'm getting another one, but still waiting for it to arrive. Consequently I'm stuck using Q's old RAZR phone. The arrow keys don't like to work sometimes - oh and my bluetooth headset just died this morning. I love the quality of craftsmanship these days.

The one plus is that I have a camera phone again. I find I'm having a lot of fun with it. It's great to be able to take snapshots of things you find immediately interesting. Take this picture for example.

It's hard to read, but the red letters read "Dec 1. Happy Birthday Jesus Party."

Graffiti is another favourite of mine. Especially when they don't know how to spell.
Can you find the grammatical error?

Saturday Night Drinks

2007-11-02T15:59:00.000-04:00

Looks like we'll be at the Artful Dodger on Saturday night. I imagine we'll be there around 9:00 or so. Hope to see you all there!

Thanks for the suggestion Mme Rouge!

Time Machine Rules

2007-11-01T22:38:00.000-04:00

I have to say that the money spent on Mac OSX 10.5 was well worth it. For those of you not in the know, it has an extremely easy to use, automatically automated backup program called Time Machine built right in. Tonight, while trying to get my Blackberry to sync with my mac (the horror stories I've heard are coming true), a contact was deleted from my address book. The address book is linked to my billing software, so consequently all billing info for that client disappeared. How fucking brilliant of the software developer.

Anyways, in a matter of one minute I fired up time machine, selected and restored the contact and billing software database and everything instantly came back. So thank you Apple, I'm almost willing to forgive you for making unnecessary and distracting 3D changes to the dock and menu bar, and for creating "stacks" which are an absolute UI nightmare.

Cutest Cartoon Ever

2007-11-01T18:48:00.000-04:00

Open House Celebration

2007-10-30T08:04:00.000-04:00

Hi Everyone,

I know I've been missing in action lately. I'm on my last week of work and have had my replacement following me for the past couple of weeks. Not a lot of time to blog.

It's hard to believe that when I walked into my office in January 2000 that I would end up staying there for almost eight years. I was 23. I'm 31 now. An entire chapter of my life happened while working out of that office.

Friday is my last day there - ever. My last day with a comfortable salary and regular paycheque.

So I want to celebrate and go out on Saturday night. The kind of thing where I'll be at a certain bar drinking all night and if anyone wants to stop by and say hello, they are more than welcome. The only thing is I don't know where to go. I want somewhere that is conducive to conversation, where you can stand or sit to drink and feel free to come and go. Doesn't have to be a gay bar, but gay friendly for obvious reasons.

So if anyone out there is still checking this from time to time, keep Saturday in mind and if you have any suggestions, feel free to pass them on.

I'll leave an update on Friday once I figure out where I'm going.

My most favourite hospital ever

2007-10-12T09:41:00.000-04:00

Hostpital Gives Man Drip-Feed of Vodka

Remind me to get sick the next time I'm in Brisbane.

Don't You Put It In Your Mouth

2007-10-09T22:12:00.000-04:00

..Unless you ask someone you love.

This commercial used to be on TV all the time. I loved it. They must have been on crack making this.

Pop Quiz

2007-10-09T10:32:00.000-04:00

Camping
+
Warm weekend
+
Alcohol
+
Late night pool party
=

a) one hell of a fun night.
b) rides through the woods on the back of a golf cart, with a whole lot of hootin' and hollerin'.
c) the spins.
d) a rough next day.
e) a nasty cold.
f) all of the above.

Dear Rob Zombie

2007-10-03T10:20:00.000-04:00

While I appreciate that you are still relatively new in the role of Movie Director, I think that by tackling a remake of Halloween, you bit off a bit more than you could chew. After viewing your movie last night, I've made a few notes and questions:

Suspense - it makes a horror film scary. Without it, it's a little bland and predictable. You might want to try adding it next time around.
Serial Killers do not require a long, drawn out backstory. It's more fun when you don't know why they're so fucked up and killing people. Not to mention that when the film starts with the kid already screwed up, trying to show why afterwards is rather pointless. You'd do better showing certain events first, and then the results. This also goes for whoever remade The Texas Chainsaw Massacre.
Timelines - if you start the film in what looks like the 70's, and then go to "Fifteen Years Later," you might want to give us an actual year as a frame of reference. In my mind the film started in or around 1975, which would make the latter part of the film take place around 1990. I don't remember cute, small cell phones being around then - especially in the hands of teenagers. But then the rest of the phones in the houses looked like they were from 1982. I'm confused.
If it's "Fifteen Years Later," then how come the only black man in the film (who gets killed of course) looks, acts and talks like some jive talkin' , mutton chop wearin', trucker badass from Shaft? And if he's pulled out a knife and is prepared to beat the shit out of somebody, why would he call him an A-hole instead of asshole?
Continuity - If Michael squeezes someone's head and pushes their eyeballs into their sockets and blood starts running everywhere, shouldn't the victim still have blood on their face when he drags them down the hall? If you go to the trouble of showing a bathroom stall wall being knocked over and the glass shattering on the advertisement that hangs on it, you might not want to have it in pristine condition in the very next shot.
How does a police chief remove a baby from a murderous crime scene, drive it to the next hospital and drop it off with no questions asked? Especially when the mother is still alive?
You might want to stick to making music. Your movies suck.

Reality Check

2007-10-02T13:07:00.000-04:00

As you all know, Q and I have been going to Gay Camp this summer. It's in Simcoe, a small town not too far away from Hamilton. We just spent a great weekend there, but today I was dealt some disturbing news:

On Sunday evening a truck with a couple of (presumably) straight guys drinking beer in it entered the campgrounds and started racing around. They were driving very fast (could have easily hit someone) and doing donuts all over the lawns - including in the memorial gardens that had just been landscaped. They also began shouting out slurs, asking people if they had big cocks, etc and generally making asses of themselves. While they were screwing around, someone closed the gate on them, so they drove over and broke a couple of fence posts to get out. A camper then called the police to report trespassing, reckless driving, drunk driving, abuse, anti-gay threats and property damage. They were even able to provide a description of the truck and the license plate.

24 hours later, the police still haven't shown up.

I'm not one to sit back and let insults like this pass me by. As soon as I have all the details, I'm going to contact the head of that police department and lodge a formal complaint. Depending on the response I get, I'll go even higher - and have the means to do so. I can accept the fact that shitheads get drunk and harass fags because they can't deal with their own sexuality. I cannot, and will not, accept being treated as a second class citizen by the police - no matter how small the town. They have a duty to uphold my basic human rights and can be called on it when they don't. Not only do I have a vested interest in the people there, I also have property there that is vulnerable to this kind of attack.

Bring it on bitches. Bring it on.

On Maggie Trudeau and Box Stepping

2007-10-01T12:50:00.000-04:00

Some things I learned this weekend from a 300 pound ex 80's circuit boy, who was a regular patron and member of both The Saint and Studio 54:

They called them Circuit Parties in the 80's.
Before X came on the scene, they used to take a drug called Decadence - which was a combo of ~~LCD~~ LSD, Acid, MDA, coke, Ibuprofen, Acetaminophen, Pepto Bismal and probably some Metamucil thrown in for good measure (if I remember correctly).
His friend The Doctor was the one who discovered that Ketamine made for a great party drug and called it Special K. He didn't happen upon this by accident, but through intensive research. Then when he came up to them at a party and squirted it up their noses, it made the high last for like, 12 hours.
He was there when X was discovered too. (when did the name change to E?)
This one time, a party at The Saint lasted like 36 hours and he and his friends spent $4500 on drugs alone for the weekend. I think he got ripped off.
On Sundays, after the parties were over, he'd have everyone over to his penthouse at 4th & Broadway (which work paid the rent for) and he'd have a DJ and everyone would shower at his place and he had jeans and sweatshirts for everyone to change into and then they'd all party until Monday morning and then go to work on Monday morning.
He knew Maggie Trudeau and would see her at Studio 54 but wouldn't go over and talk to her because he was afraid that a photographer from the Toronto Sun would take their picture and it would end up on the front page the next day. I hear that happened to poor Maggie a lot.
The box step was, and still is, a very popular dance at circuit parties. This information was obtained not through conversation, but through observation.

A few more:
It's true - the only way to get a job at Studio 54 was to blow Stephen.
Everybody tipped the bartenders with a line of coke on the bar. I mean everybody.

Pre-Halloween Party

2007-09-30T21:24:00.000-04:00

Sorry D.R. but I just had to steal this picture. You're right, it sums up the entire weekend. For more pictures of what fags will do for a Halloween Party at Gay Camp, head on over to DeadRobot's page.

Decorating

2007-09-26T09:58:00.000-04:00

We've been in the new house for over a year and up until last night, my walls were pretty much bare. With all the nice, new drywall everywhere I've been hesitant to put any holes in it. It's silly I know, but when you pay a shitload of money for renovations, you're not too keen on putting holes in walls.

Last night I finally took the plunge and decided to hang a couple of panels on either side of the bay window in the living room. Seeing as I have trouble with depth perception and lining things up at times, I decided that putting the first hook at the top left corner of the window was a good idea. It was square, and more importantly a good reference point so I could put the other hook in the same spot on the other side of the window and they would be (more or less) even .

So I took the drill and proceeded to make the first hole, which resulted in a huge chunk of plaster (or drywall mud or whatever the fuck it was) coming loose and falling at my feet. It was then that I discovered that that particular portion of the wall was not made of drywall in any way, shape or form. So after much swearing and muttering, I moved the bracket and tried again, with success this time. I also arranged it in such a way so that the panel hid the ever so ~~slight~~ huge imperfection I had caused. After that I figured "what the hell" and proceeded to go around the house and start putting up all the things I had purchased but had never gotten around to hanging. I'm happy with the results.

It's kind of like getting that first scratch on your new car. The subsequent marks and dings don't seem so bad afterwards.

The Dog Did It

2007-09-25T10:00:00.001-04:00

I always take Q to the classiest of family functions. On Saturday we went to my cousin Janet's wedding. She's a beautiful girl and her hubby's a hottie. I'm very happy for them and it was a great time.

My family is, oh what's the term, a little red in the neck shall we say? There are also a few hard core drinkers. One of whom showed up at the church reeking of booze and proceeded to grab a woman's ass. Q was just as shocked to see him get into his car and drive to the reception after the ceremony. I was just like "of course he's driving to the reception. He drove here. Don't worry, he'll make it." I'm sure the man's drunk 24/7.

At the reception there was someone who apparently had had enough of wearing a shirt and tie and had decided to change back into his ratty old grey tshirt and jeans. Nice. Someone also let one go right in the middle of a speech. One of the groomsmen were speaking at the podium, the room was silent and all of the sudden there was this loud, reverberating FFFFFAAAAAAARRRRTTTTTTT!!!!! Did I mention that we were sitting wooden chairs? Just gave it that extra reverberation. Everyone at that particular table then pulled their shirts up over their noses to cover the smell. At least we all had a laugh.

I was shocked to see 3 other fags at the party, considering it was in Whitby and all. I had to go scope them out, just to be sure, and it turned out that they were doctors at a clinic where Janet used to work. Very nice guys and a lot of fun.

Considering that there was an open bar, we got home late, and I was dragging my ass all day Sunday, there's no reason why I should have been up until 4:00am that night. It was like I'd had a coffee or something. Brutal.

Like I said, the bride and groom made a beautiful couple, and they looked extremely happy. Couldn't help but begin to think of what my wedding would be like.................

Someday we'll find it

2007-09-24T13:42:00.000-04:00

The rainbow connection.
The lovers, the dreamers and me.
la la la la la la la la la la la......

I didn't sleep last night. No apparent reason. Last time I looked at the clock it was 4:00am. I'm on a major crash having exhausted what little energy I had for the day. I'm going delirious too. The Rainbow Connection has been looping incessantly in my brain for the past hour.

I hope the Venti Americano kicks in soon.

Elektronik Supersonik

2007-09-20T22:51:00.000-04:00

5.....4.....3.....1!

Zlad Rules.

OMG What have I done?????

2007-09-20T16:07:00.000-04:00

I opened up a face book account today. I'm screwed. People are finding me like flies to rotting cow heads in the desert. I'm already addicted. Damnit.

I'm keeping both ears for now.

2007-09-20T00:03:00.001-04:00

I did something today which I haven't done for a very long time. I pulled out my box of paints and brushes and actually painted. I'm not any good mind you, but it was awfully therapeutic. I decided to paint music, if that makes any sense. When I listen to music I often visualize the sounds in my head, and so I decided to try putting it down on paper - so to speak.

For my first attempt I selected Attached by Orbital, from their Snivilisation album. I've always liked this track as it slowly builds and builds until it's full of multi layered goodness. Then it deconstructs just as slowly. Just over 12 minutes in total. I played it twice as I painted, not even noticing that almost half an hour had gone by. The end result is multi layered canvas of brush strokes and colours.

My second piece was created while listening to Bachelorette by Bjork. It came out much different - sparse and earthy and slightly cartoony. Not too much of a surprise there.

I didn't end up with any masterpieces that could be hung in a church, but I did feel better afterwards. I'd been feeling very blah all day, and this released the tension.

You know, I never thought I'd hear myself mutter "No, that sound is definitely not yellow." I'm sure some of you out there will know what I mean.

Saw this in a store on the weekend

2007-09-18T23:57:00.000-04:00

Thought it was cute:

Some people are like Slinky's -
They don't really serve a purpose,
But still make you smile
When you push them down the stairs.

The New U.S. Attorney General

2007-09-17T10:52:00.000-04:00

This was briefly the front page of CNN this morning. Our office manager noticed it and I managed to grab a screen cap. They've since fixed it.

Look very carefully at the "Live Developing Story."

Is it really good luck?

2007-09-13T16:51:00.000-04:00

Today, at lunch, while I was setting outside, on a bench, in a park, happily munching away on a sandwich,

a bird pooped on my head.

Thankfully it was only a little bit of poo and I had napkins with me.

Great Head

2007-09-12T12:47:00.001-04:00

No it's not what you're thinking you naughty dirty slut. It's a great time waster of a program. Just keep clicking.....

http://www.feedthehead.net/

Roundup

2007-09-10T23:43:00.000-04:00

I'd love to tell you about the great weekend we had at The Point, but I think that Dead Robot's post and subsequent pictures tell it all. Plus I left the camera in the car and I'm too lazy to go get it. It's been a while since I've been the fresh meat on the block, and while I always enjoy the attention, I do wish that I would have had the luxury of choosing who it was coming from. But that's seldom the case.

Dead Robot and Shark Boy also brought me a bottle of bubbly to celebrate my new venture. It was very sweet of them, and much appreciated. I'm happy to find new friends who are just a warped as I am. We are going it alone this coming weekend and will heed all your warnings - including "No Sex Of Any Kind In The Pool Area." Even though I know of a kind of sex that would be perfect. Damn

We arrived home to a rather foul stench on Sunday. I noticed something faintly unpleasant in the air on Friday and emptied the garbage and green bins thinking that was the problem, but obviously not. So I got down on my stomach with flashlight and did some sleuthing. I soon discovered that a certain red haired kitty was out hunting mice again and managed to wedge a dead one under the wine cooler (along with many other cat toys I discovered). Q grabbed Howard and ran and hid like a little girl in the living room while I managed to get Dead Mouse out from under the cooler, into a bag and out of the house. Howard was pissed!! I don't ever remember seeing him so angry! Apparently he didn't like me taking his toy away, and sulked and spazzed around the house for an hour or more.

This isn't funny anymore. Those mice have got to go for good.

Let'ssss make ssssome sssss'moressssss

2007-09-07T13:02:00.001-04:00

We're off to super gay camp fest again this weekend. In case anyone was wondering, this is what gay camping looks like:

(Click for larger image.)

I feel so unworthy with our measly trailer.

Logo

2007-09-05T22:41:00.000-04:00

Nothing much to add really. That's my new logo.

Update: I thought of something to add - an explanation.

1. It's based on binary equivalent of 6, 4, and 0:

6 = 0110
4 = 0100
0 = 0000

2. The colours were inspired by a place in NYC called The Chocolate Bar. I saw it when I was there a few years ago, took a picture, and thought that if I ever opened my own business, that's the colour scheme and I would use.

3. I decided on the retro "pong" look because I wanted to differentiate myself from other businesses doing the same thing. There's only so many times one can use the LCD calculator font before it gets boring (like once). I thought an element of design would be nice touch.

I Quit!

2007-09-05T13:10:00.000-04:00

I quit my job today.

I've been working out of the same office for almost 8 years. I was 23 and fresh out of school when I started here. Little did I know then that I'd spend a relatively large portion of my life living and working out of an office at Yonge & St Clair.

I don't have many complaints about my current position. It's a small company, the pay is good, the people are nice and I like the location. It's just that I felt it was time to move on. And so, over the past few months, I've slowly been creating my own I.T. support company, 640k Solutions Inc.

As part of my job I work directly with the owners of all the companies I support. Eventually I began to look around (especially at their houses, cars and cottages) and wonder why I couldn't do the same thing myself - and set about doing it. The prospect of not being salaried is scary, however you don't get anywhere in life without taking risks.

So that's it. That's my big news. I QUIT MY STABLE, RELIABLE, GOOD PAYING JOB to start something of my own. Anyone out there looking to contract out their I.T. support can feel free to email me at jbarrieat640ksolutionsdotcom. Anyone out there with considerable Windows server/client, networking, Exchange, VPN, and Mac, knowledge who is looking for a job can also drop me a line.

God I need a drink and a cigarette. Fine. A drink it is.

Damn

2007-09-04T11:18:00.001-04:00

I had a big announcement for today, but now it has been delayed. Hopefully will have more for you tomorrow.

No More Mr Nice Guy

2007-08-30T13:27:00.001-04:00

That's it. I've had it. I no longer have the patience to deal with stupid people. I'm through with being nice to all my suppliers. It gets you nowhere. From this point on I'll give everyone ONE chance at getting it right, and be friendly right up to that inevitable point where they fuck up. Not just make a silly mistake, but really fuck up. From then on I'll be known as Mr. Bitch (Dickeybird you just stop with whatever comment you're about to make right now). It's the only way to get these people to pay attention. They will soon learn that if they don't, they'll fucking hear about it from Mr Cunty. What they don't realize is that because I rely on them somewhat, their incompetence can make me look incompetent, and that's something I just won't tolerate.

I'm a big believer in customer service, which is why I have loyal following of clientele that I do. I also expect that level of service from other companies, and I'm usually disappointed. When I am, I usually let them know. I'm sure my account is flagged with "you can't satisfy this customer, so don't even try" at my car dealership after all the problems I had. As far as I was concerned, they were going to live up to their warranty whether they liked it or not - and they didn't like it one bit.

While I'm on a rant, I'd just like to add for the last fucking time I CAN'T STOP THE HUNDREDS OF SPAM MESSAGES THAT HIT YOUR MAILBOX EVERY SINGLE DAY. IF I TIGHTEN THE SPAM FILTERS ANY MORE, YOU'LL START MISSING IMPORTANT MESSAGES AND BITCH AT ME EVEN MORE. HOW ABOUT SPENDING MONEY ON THAT MAIL SECURITY SOFTWARE I WAS TELLING YOU ABOUT? HMMM??? I CAN'T WORK MIRACLES YOU KNOW!

There, much better.

All the drivers are women and they all wear spandex

2007-08-30T10:24:00.000-04:00

I saw a tow truck on the side of the ~~401~~ HIGHWAY OF HEROES yesterday. The company name was:

Camel Towing

Do you think they know? It's very possible that they don't have a clue. There are a lot of immigrant tow truck drivers in Toronto.

I on the other hand laughed my ass off and snickered the rest of the way home.

INTEGRAL - Pet Shop Boys vs. Cybermen

2007-08-30T00:05:00.000-04:00

This is a mash-up of the Pet Shop Boys and Dr. Who. I just kinda liked it.

Dining Extravaganza

2007-08-29T11:50:00.000-04:00

While we were at Super Gay Campground 2007 and talking with a neighbour, another camper came up to speak with him about their dinner plans that night. Two things from their conversation stood out:

1. Cedar planked salmon (the cedar was currently soaking in the sink)
2. Chafing dishes

The first I could sort of understand, but chafing dishes?

Chafing dishes.

It just sounds wrong. I hear the word chafing and I immediately think of my thighs on those hot, humid days.

Apparently we were really unprepared for camping. Guess I need go to Williams and Sonoma and get one of these before we go back.

Chiuaua

2007-08-28T08:14:00.001-04:00

There's a radio station in my office building. Consequently I will sometimes see famous people in the lobby who are visiting the station.

Friday morning I saw Dog the Bounty Hunter as I was leaving the building. He's so little!! Like half the size in both height and build than he looks on TV. Not Tom Cruise little, but little nonetheless.

Considering that it would be my only chance, I ran up to him and said hi and shook his hand. He just said a quick hello and continued towards the elevator. Then, as I continued out the door I saw a big, black Suburban sitting out front. It occurred to me that his wife might be inside so I ran over to see if her tits were as huge in real life as they are on TV but she was nowhere to be found.

I knew that the camera adds 10 pounds, but I didn't know that it also adds 10 inches. (insert porn jokes here)

Attack of the Bears

2007-08-27T09:16:00.000-04:00

This weekend we took the trailer up to The Point. I wrote a little song to commemorate the excursion:

If you go into the woods today, you're in for a big surprise.
If you go into the woods today, you'll want to scratch out your eyes.
For every bear that ever there was,
Is gathered here and naked because,
Today's the day the naked bears have their piiiiiiiiiiiicnic.

I don't have a problem with clothing optional places, I just like to be warned ahead of time *ahem* Dead Robot *ahem*. Being the new meat for the weekend, the seasonals were quick to come over and say hello and to check out the trailer. There was many a naked man in the trailer this weekend, and not in a good way. I still can't understand why it was mostly the naked ones who stopped to say hello, and also why the good ones kept their clothes on.

The weekend was, oh what's the word - different.

I Like It When The Red Water Comes Out

2007-08-23T22:57:00.000-04:00

I was recently introduced to Salad Fingers. Very creepy. And it gets creepier and darker as you watch the episodes. So twisted I can't help but love it. Safe for work - just don't let your coworkers see you watching this. They'll think you're weirder than you already are.

You should also watch this very important PSA.

Pothole Hero

2007-08-23T11:01:00.000-04:00

Whenever a soldier is killed in battle, the body is sent to CFB Trenton where the coffin is given a hero's welcome, and is then promptly put into a hearse and driven to downtown Toronto for an autopsy. This 172km stretch of highway 401 is apparently dubbed the "Highway of Heroes" (of which I had no idea until yesterday). Now there is talk and an online petition to officially rename it. How ridiculous.

These soldiers, who do a job that I could never dream of doing, and who give their lives overseas protecting George Bush's interests, deserve to be remembered and commemorated - but not like this. They deserve better than to have some busy, congested, accident prone highway named in their honor. It just sounds wrong too. Imagine the news reports:

There was an accident today on the Highway of Heroes, just outside of Oshawa.

The East bound collector lanes on the Highway of Heroes are jammed. You should stay in the express lanes if you can. The Highway of Heroes opens up just past Kennedy.

This business is located just at the corner of Highway of Heroes and Brock Rd.

Can we not come up with something better than this?

Seriously.

Blonde Ambition

2007-08-22T11:04:00.001-04:00

I've been looking at life differently lately. I don't get it. Watching everyone chugging along in their day to day lives makes it all look so pointless. Everything seems so mundane and meaningless. I'm not depressed, but I keep thinking that there has to be more. I'm not complaining about my life right now either, but I just feel like it should be better somehow. Enhanced maybe. I feel like I'm destined for something greater, better, more - can't quite come up with the right word. It's become a driving force.

Consequently I've been doing a lot of soul searching and life changing in the past year. I've got some projects on the go which I will finally be able to talk about soon and a list of others waiting to get off the ground. This was also one of my main reasons for quitting smoking. I just want my life to get even better, and poisoning myself wasn't helping much - not that I don't still crave a cigarette almost every single day. I'm also gearing myself up to going back to the gym.

In short I don't know if I'm being driven by ambition or by relentless discontent. Or maybe both. Maybe they're the same thing.

All I know is that picking up the reins and taking 100% control of your life is hard work. It's fucking exhausting, but worth it. Mark my words - in the next few years I will become famous in some way, shape or form.

And it won't be for that video that's currently circulating the Internet either.

Field of Dreams

2007-08-20T09:37:00.000-04:00

My friend Shannon and I refer to each other as Fetus Friends. We quite honestly can't remember a time when we didn't know each other. Growing up I spent a lot of time at her house - especially in the summer with her having a pool and all. I'm pretty much family and am affectionately known as the surrogate little brother to her two older sisters. Her family has an annual field party, which was this past weekend, and of course I'm always invited. It's always a treat to bring Q with me - and this year, as a bonus, we got to try out the new trailer. What better way to inaugurate our becoming trailer trash, than with a field party?

Shannon and I grew up in the country. Our families are country folk. Always have been and always will be. I think it's safe to say that we both have some questionable branches on our family tree - some that don't branch out quite enough, or are slightly cracked, or just plain broken. The offshoots of those limbs were there on Saturday. We got to hear words like "shooken" and "ain't" and "You got a stick? My beer fell in the fire and I gotta get it out."

But the best part of the weekend was getting to spend time with Rowan, Shannon's 18 month old daughter. She's just absolutely the most cutest thing ever and took a real shining to me. Yet another one to spoil.

Union Rules

2007-08-16T22:40:00.000-04:00

Tuesday morning we left a 4 a.m. - yes 4 a.m. (anyone who knows me knows how wrong that is) - to meet up with Q's sister and her family and head out to Rochester. Tuesday is also garbage day, so I put the green bin and recycling bins out on the lawn. Like everyone else in Toronto, we have a huge problem with raccoons and green bins full of food waste. Consequently I went out to Home Hardware months ago and bought some Raccoon Check strips to securely fasten the lids down. They are a simple and effective solution - just a nylon strip with backpack type clips on either end. Push ends together and it clips. Squeeze the clips and it releases. Raccoons can't figure it out, and apparently neither can garbage men. Seeing as it was an ungodly 4 in the morning, the coons would still be out so I elected not to undo the straps as I would usually do just before leaving for work. Well imagine my surprise when I got home today to find the green bin still closed and full. I guess undoing raccoon straps isn't in the union contract and therefore the lazy fucks don't have to do it. Seriously fucking ridiculous.

Speaking of ridiculous - Q's sister makes this annual trek to Rochester to do some back to school shopping with her kids and this year we decided to tag along. They leave at 4 in the morning (did I mention that already?) so they can beat the traffic. While that may seem logical, it also makes for a very long, exhausting day - which is made worse by the fact that you are forced to spend time in the mall (which I normally wouldn't mind under different circumstances) and can't nap or even rest because check in isn't until 3:00. I was just a tad grumpy by 4:00 p.m. and needed some rest to become civil again.

Our dinners were spent at Bugaboo Creek Steak House, which Q kept accidentally calling Jigaboo Creek the entire time. It's a "Canadian influenced steak house" - which was a new one for me. Of course that translates into the entire restaurant being decorated like a log cabin, complete with moose antler chandeliers, a Mountie statue at the door, and dead animals all over the walls, including a bison head that came alive every 20 min and talked. Either that or the shrooms I ordered as a side dish were kick ass. If you ever find yourself there, order the ribs. Best I've had in ages. Better than any I've had in Canada.

Trip was fun overall though. We stayed outside of Rochester - not actually in Rochester as we wanted to come home alive and with all our belongings. Hit a couple of malls and got a few deals. If we go next year, we'll just meet them down there or go the night before. I don't do early well. It makes me a spinner.

In the Moment

2007-08-11T15:27:00.001-04:00

Friday I stopped into Ginger, one of my favourite lunchtime haunts when I'm at Yonge and Bloor. It was hot outside and in, the place was packed, there was a lineup to the door crowding behind me, I had to share a table with someone I didn't know and the front windows were open with emergency vehicles were screaming up and down the street.

It was at that moment that I realized this chaos is exactly why I love being in the city.

Yay! Hate mail!!

2007-08-09T09:40:00.000-04:00

I got my first hate comment. Apparently I'm doing something right:

Was fuer ein langweilig Blog. Halts Maul du bescheuerte Spinnner, dein Leben scheint zu verdammt und vergissbar sein. Stirbst du bitte bald und HALTE DIE KLAPPE!
Du bist Scheiss

Which babel fish accurately translated into:

Which for boringly a Blog. Stop muzzle you crazy Spinnner, your life seems too condemned and forgetable its. You die please soon and STOPS the FLAP!
You are shit

Silly Nazi. No one is forcing you to watch Dini Petty. I'll flap and spin as much as I want to thank you very much.

I loves me some hot Scheiss. Better than lube.

Thriller Redux

2007-08-02T15:34:00.000-04:00

Over 1,500 CPDRC inmates of the Cebu Provincial Detention and Rehabilitation Center, Cebu, Philippines recreate Thriller. A good incentive not to go back to jail?

Who needs iTunes?

2007-08-02T15:23:00.001-04:00

For those of you at work

2007-08-01T11:28:00.000-04:00

I came across the artwork of Koen Demuynck the other day. Brillant stuff, though I can't read Russian so I don't know what the site says. I bet he gets asked to paint churches all the time.

Choose your own adventure.

2007-08-01T08:40:00.000-04:00

If you go to this page, you'll find a bunch of links to small animated loops. You don't know what you'll get until you click a link. Some are cute clips from the Siimpsons and others will make you run crying to kitchen to grab bleach to pour into your eyes.

It's kind of like playing Memory, only there's no matches and you won't win a prize. The last link makes the worm video look like a Strawberry Shortcake episode. You know, the one where she acts out on her feelings for Rainbow Brite? It's my favorite episode.

NSFW. NSFAnyone. Shocking. Gross. Even by my standards (which are admittedly low).

Reason to buy a mac #1073

2007-07-31T10:10:00.000-04:00

Yesterday I was setting up a new laptop for a client. It was running Vista. I fucking hate it. Here's what it takes to install a program:

ME: Double clicks EXE file to install iTunes.
PC: The file you clicked on is a program. Do you want to run it?
ME: Clicks YES.
PC: You are about to run iTunes Installer, do you want to run it?
ME: Clicks YES.
PC: Publisher cannot be verified. Do you want to continue?
ME: Clicks YES. Accepts legal mumbo jumbo. Install starts.
PC: (Dims screen) This requires Administrative privileges. Click to continue.
ME: Clicks Continue. Install progresses.
PC: (Dims screen) This requires Administrative privileges. Click to continue.
ME: Clicks Continue. Install progresses.
PC: (Dims screen) This requires Administrative privileges. Click to continue.
ME: Clicks Continue. Install progresses. Install Finishes.
ME: Clicks iTunes shortcut.
PC: You are about to run iTunes. Do you want to do this?
ME: YES I WANT TO FUCKING DO THIS!!! WHY IN THE HELL DO YOU THINK I CLICKED ON THE ITUNES ICON IN THE FIRST PLACE? DUMBASS!! FUCK OFF!! (throws laptop out the window).

Ok, so I didn't throw it out the window, but came close. This is progress?

Goin' back to my roots

2007-07-30T09:16:00.000-04:00

This weekend I began my decent into the world of TPT - Trailer Park Trash. Q decided that he wanted a trailer to go camping in, so I tagged along as we went to Newcastle on Friday night to look, Shelburne on Saturday to look elsewhere, and back to Newcastle on Sunday to buy. I don't know why I bothered to quit smoking (3 weeks today!) since it's a requirement for a full TPT all access membership.

I haven't been camping since I was a kid, and all we had was a tent. I'm not sure if I'll be able to handle being in a trailer with only a stove, microwave, fridge, feezer, outdoor BBQ, Queen size bed (for 2 queens), LCD TV with built in DVD (and A/V connector for a Wii!!), stereo, toilet, shower, furnace and A/C. Roughin' it is going to be hard. With the bunk beds and fold out bench, it supposedly can sleep 6 - but only if that comprises of 2 adults and 4 children, or 4 midgets or a combination of both. Maybe more if everyone's a midget. Did I mention that being in the top bunk with no window is akin to being in a coffin? Oh and another thing, I'm not sure why but all trailers and RV's are designed by and decorated for The Golden Girls. It's appalling. Just because you're camping doesn't mean you don't have style (or does it?) This trailer was the most "fashion forward" one we could find. That's not the sole reason for getting it, but it helped in the decision making process.

Provided that all the paperwork goes through, we'll be picking it up this weekend. Now all we have to do is find a site to put it. Thankfully my parents live on a farm so we can put it there if we get a spot in time.

Here are some pics. Ours isn't this exact configuration, but you get the idea. Note the awesome blue LED's. If the trailer's a rockin', don't come a knockin'.

Much better now

2007-07-27T10:58:00.001-04:00

Yeah, I was having a moment there the other day. It's amazing what kind of pictures come up in google when you type "cigarette." I held out.

In fact I'm feeling much better. Since I've quit my energy has gone up, I am a lot more awake in the morning and have a great sense of accomplishment, which adds to my positive mood and keeps me going every day. I'm even losing weight. I attribute that to the acupuncture. Part of the stabbing involves activating the points that curb hunger. I was only munchy for the first few days. Now I'm fine - mostly.

And the weekend is almost here! Happy Happy Joy Joy!

I WANT A CIGARETTE!!

2007-07-25T10:43:00.000-04:00

AAAAARRRRGGGHHHHH!!

OK. Now I feel better.

What would Brian Boitano do?

2007-07-24T09:45:00.000-04:00

It's 1990 and The Dini Petty Show is at the height of it's popularity. You decide to watch it one day. Unsure if you liked it or not, you watch it again the next day. You finally decide you don't like it. From this point on do you:

A. Change the channel and never watch it again.
B. Spend that time masturbating using that hand lotion in the bathroom that no one ever touches, but then realize after the fact that it's really perfume-y and you can't get the lavender smell off and end up smelling like grandma for the rest of the day.
C. Turn on the VCR, pop in a tape and watch the episode of that cool new "90210" show that you taped the other night.
D. Pick up the phone and call a friend (providing that you have any).
E. Watch The Dini Petty Show incessantly every day and call the station after each and every episode to complain.

Fight Night

2007-07-23T09:09:00.000-04:00

Saturday night we went out for some food in The ~~Beaches~~ Beach, and as we were heading back to the car, some movement across the street caught Q's eye. We turned to look and saw a man, his girlfriend/wife and what I assumed to be their 6 or 7 year old son emerge from behind some cars. The two "adults" were arguing and she began walking ahead of them and he would continuously grab her arm and she would yank it away. The kid silently plodded along behind them. It all looked very wrong - especially when he was screaming in her face.

There was also a group of people over there who were watching the spectacle move down the sidewalk. We went over to ask what had happened and apparently the man had knocked the woman down (which we didn't see because of parked cars). A woman in the group tried to dial 911 to report a domestic assault but her phone wasn't working so Q called on his and reported the incident.

While waiting for the police to show up, the girlfriend/wife left and the guy and his son wandered aimlessly up and down the street. All the other witnesses soon disbanded and we eventually went home too, figuring that the cops probably weren't going to show or the people would leave by the time they did arrive. Well, the cops did show and we got a call asking us to go back down and meet them.

As luck would have it, the trio were walking up the street as we parked in front of the cruiser. Q got out and pointed them out to the police. As we sat in the car watching the cops questioning them in my rearview mirror, I began to have doubts. Did we have the right to intrude on someone else's private affair? What right did we have to call the cops on someone having an argument? How awful would it be for the child to see his father taken away in handcuffs - and to be the one responsible for it? Q was adamant that we'd done the right thing - something which most people wouldn't do. We weren't the only ones concerned by what we saw either, and deep down I know that what I saw was disturbing - especially because there was a child present.

The cop came back to the window, asked for our statements again, and told us that the couple were completely denying that anything was wrong and that she'd fallen and he simply grabbed her to help her up. They were also arguing over the dinner bill. It was bullshit but we didn't see him push her down - other people did and they were gone. All I know is that we saw a nasty argument that should not have taken place in public, let alone with a child present. But in the end they convinced the cops that it was all a misunderstanding and we went our separate ways.

The couple were full of shit. I may not have heard their story but I know it was a cover up. Their son gave it away. His face and demeanor never changed throughout the whole evening. From the argument, to when she disappeared and he walked aimlessly up and down the sidewalk with his father, to when the cops started questioning them - he had the same, blank look on his face. Almost removed, like he was in his own world to protect himself from what was happening around him. He never spoke once. My heart went out to him. I can't imagine what he must go through at home.

I'd like to say I can't believe that she would protect him, but I can. It's all part of being a victim.

Hello My Name Is __________

2007-07-18T09:05:00.000-04:00

Today I'm interviewing for another tech to help me with my daily duties. He'll be mine to manage - kind of like getting your first pet only I'll be cleaning up any figurative messes he makes instead of stinky ones.

I've never been on this side of the table before. It's weird but I welcome the challenge and experience. I have some questions prepared but mostly I'm going to go with the flow. I'm interested in personality almost more than experience.

It's time to put all that acting and theatre work I did as a teenager to the test, and portray that I'm professional and organized. Hopefully I can keep that up for more than 5 minutes. I didn't wake up this morning thinking of cigarettes (which is a good sign) but I'm craving one now. I'm a bit nervous.

1:16pm - Well that's over with. Wasn't as bad as I'd thought. Think I found a good candidate too.

NSFW!

2007-07-17T14:55:00.000-04:00

Don't.

Click.

Here.

I warned you. (runs and hides under the bed)

You make me touch your hands for stupid reasons

2007-07-17T14:47:00.000-04:00

I love that line - must use it somewhere.

From a poorly written breakup letter read aloud.

OMG! THOSE EYES! MAKE IT STOP!!

2007-07-17T13:52:00.000-04:00

File under Heino(us):

Get out of my dreams...... And into my mouth

2007-07-16T09:41:00.001-04:00

Saturday night I had a dream that I was smoking. I woke up with that icky feeling you get when you've had way too many the night before. In fact I felt ill the entire weekend. And talk about a bad mood. I was so miserable on Sunday that I didn't know what to do with myself. I literally wanted to crawl out of my skin I felt so awful. It wasn't that I wanted a cigarette, I just felt gross inside and out. I attribute it to a second wave of withdrawal. fortunately I had a meeting on Sunday afternoon which required me to be "on." I was there long enough that I snapped out of my mood and was tolerable to be around for the rest of the day.

It has been exactly one week since I gave it up. Smoking diet = success. Cleansing diet = complete and utter failure. Oh well. I've discovered that I just don't have the energy right now to do both. One thing at a time.

I was looking at a VW Golf on the weekend. It was completely made for me - the GTI Fahrenheit Edition. What's so special about that you ask? It's orange. Orange body, with orange trim inside and orange stitching on the leather and loaded with a ton of toys. It was number 21/150 made worldwide. It was also $35,000 dollars. Sigh. I cry a little inside every time I think of it.

Day 5

2007-07-13T12:33:00.000-04:00

Somehow I've managed to make it through 5 days of non smoking. Feels like the physical withdrawals are pretty much over with. Now it's on to breaking the habit. I'm still almost reaching in my pocket at certain times of the day, catching myself just as I'm about to reach for the pack that isn't there. I've received some very helpful advice from people this week that has helped my mental state (although there's only so much one can do for my mental state):

1. You are not quitting smoking - you have quit smoking. Quitting implies that you are still hanging on and haven't given up the habit yet. To "have quit" is final.

2. In that same vein it's important to think of yourself as a non-smoker. That mental shift can help stop you too.

3. Take it one cigarette craving at a time - not one day at a time (contrary to my previous post). Just concentrate on making it past that craving, since it will only last a few minutes. Then concentrate on the next one. Before you know it all those small victories will add up to an entire day, then week, then month etc.

These may sound hokey but I'm finding that they are helping me see the progress that's being made. I also don't want to pick up another cigarette again because I don't want to go through the hell that was Monday and Tuesday a second time.

As for the cleansing diet, I'm finding it difficult to stick to. All my concentration is on quitting smoking and the rest of the energy is spent trying to avoid lots of foods and finding alternatives. I am staying away from the fattening stuff though, I don't want to end up looking like all those gargantuan obese people on reality shows (or those we saw at Wegmans in Erie, PA).

I've also been going for acupuncture to reduce the withdrawal symptoms. However the majority of nerves that help with this are in the ear. I don't like having a needle stuck in my ear - let alone 5 of them. But I bitch and he does it anyways and I bitch some more. It's a love/hate thing. This morning I had those 5 plus another 12 on my hands/legs/arms/feet.

On another note, I was reading yesterday that Peter Jackson has picked up the movie rights for The Lovely Bones. It's interesting because as I began reading it I thought that it would make a great film and that he would be the perfect one to do it. Anyone who's seen Heavenly Creatures will know what I mean.

I'll be looking at the Shopaholic series when I'm done.

I AM ON FIRE!!!!

2007-07-12T10:09:00.000-04:00

This whole no smoking thing is going better than expected. Tuesday was a rough day though. Woke up ready to kill anyone who even so much as looked at me the wrong way. Must make a mental note to buy Q a special something for putting up with Super Bitch(ier than usual). My snackitite is lessing today too. Still craving, but more out of habit than anything else.

Yesterday I went to a client's company "fun day"- which consisted of going to a resort for the day, sitting by the pool, eating, drinking, going to the spa for a facial, eating, drinking some more and going home. It's also usually a day filled with smoking - of which I had none. I wasn't going to drink any alcohol either (stupid cleansing diet), but thought it would be a good reward for not caving in a difficult situation. So I rewarded myself a few times.

On Tuesday I decided to buy a book to distract myself with. On a whim I picked up Alice Sebold's "The Lovely Bones" from the bargain table. Had never heard of it before, but the premise sounded good. It's basically about a young girl who's murdered and goes to heaven. From there she watches her family search for her and her murderer, all the grief they go through and how they essentially all fall apart in some way as the years go on. I couldn't put it down. I was hooked from the first couple of pages. In fact I read 3/4 of it yesterday.

Oh, and you now how they say that you should always wear sunscreen even if it's overcast outside? They aren't lying. My legs turned lobster red in spots within an hour. That's what happens when you get lost in a book and neglect to put on the sunscreen before you start reading.

Consequently I'm on fire today, but the Medicated Solarcain Sunburn relief is working. As I was applying it liberally last night, the Solarcain smell brought back many childhood memories. There were always two staples in our house growing up - Solarcain for the sunburns and Bactine for bug bites, slivers, cuts, scrapes and anything else under the sun. Some things never change.

My new theme song

2007-07-10T11:46:00.000-04:00

Things I Didn 't Do Today

2007-07-09T10:14:00.000-04:00

I did not get up when the alarm went off.
I did not make myself a delectable cup of espresso this morning.
I did not take said espresso out on the back deck.
I did not fire up a cigarette, take a drag, take a sip of espresso, look around at all the trees and flowers, relax and slide into my day.
I did not have cereal for breakfast. I had a yogurt.
I did not have a smoke on my way to the office.
I did not have one when I arrived.
I did not stick to the no coffee rule either. I caved and got a tall americano at Starbucks though. Technically I'm not supposed to be off coffee until next week and am supposed to be reducing my intake in the next 7 days. So that's my rationale. It's getting me by.

It's amazing the number of things I didn't do today! I wonder what I won't do tomorrow? And the day after that? And the day after that? And the day after that?

Shoot me.

It's only 10:30.

Weeeeeeeeeee!

2007-07-05T09:11:00.001-04:00

I finally broke down yesterday and bought a Nintendo Wii. OMG it's a shitload of fun! Highly recommended. I'm hooked on the boxing. You actually grab a remote in both hands and punch at the screen. No buttons, just movement. Fun.

It good to have a distraction. Come Monday I am going on a cleansing diet and giving up smoking - for good. I've given it a lot of thought lately and the decision is final. I'm not going to let myself fail this time.

For me going on a cleansing diet is the best way to quit. You suddenly deprive yourself of so many other things (sugar, caffeine, wheat, chocolate, chocolate, chocolate) that the nicotine cravings get lost in all the other hell you're going through. I've done it before and it's worked.

Good thing about cleansing diet - increased energy, get rid of toxins in the body, lose weight.

Bad things about cleansing diet - giving up all food that is worth living for, the headaches and nausea that hit on the 2nd or 3rd day as your body goes through withdrawl. Have the Advil handy.

Vacation

2007-07-02T20:24:00.000-04:00

I know I've dropped off the radar but I was on a much needed and deserved vacation. Q and I spent the past 4 days in Erie PA. What's in Erie you ask? OUTLET MALL. The crappy US dollar + no tax in malls = new wardrobe. Considering deals like the scoring of 8 t-shirts and 1 pair of shorts for $97 at the Banana Republic Outlet, the trip was well worth it. We went with empty suitcases and came back full.

Surprisingly there were two gay bars in Erie. Unsurprisingly they were, umm, interesting. The Zone had quite the collection of people, including 100 year old drag queens. I'm sorry to say that a cheap wig and miniskirt from Sears do not a drag queen make. Anyone remember the little old guy from Benny Hill? Not too far off.

The other, Trance, was a bit better, with a more nightclub feel to it. Would have been better if there had been more people there though. However the 2.25 vodkas made up for it. I still can't get over how cheap it is to drink there.

As usual I took a few pictures to commemorate the trip:

My kind of bathroom.

Hungry or horny? A bit of both maybe?

I know a few people who should be living on this street (myself included).

This is "Seen Your Frog." I don't quite get it either, but Wegmans felt it necessary.

Definitely not Kosher.

My only claim to fame

2007-06-13T22:37:00.001-04:00

DeadRobot just alerted me to the fact that I was - once again - a poster boy for The Black Eagle Toronto. You'd think they would have found a clearer picture to use. You'd think I'd get paid or at least a free drink. Not to mention that site looks like utter shit. A direct product of Dated Websites for Dummies Using Frontpage 2.0 for Windows 95. Hell, even I could have done better.

Poster:

Me (I'm having my leg measured for raffle tickets):

70's Ads

2007-06-10T23:09:00.000-04:00

What happens if you wear it and you're not gay?

These chicks are into hot bareback action.

A. It's O.J.
B. He has a third leg. Literally.

Jump Suits Ltd. 'Nuff said.

<-- Not Sexy ..... Not Sexy -->

Levis. For little boys who dream of swinging alone to the pink tiger.

Go Walk Your Dog

2007-06-10T19:16:00.001-04:00

First Draft

2007-06-08T09:18:00.000-04:00

Going to be creating some pictures along this theme. This is just a rough idea, not sure what the final product will be like. Just wanted to put it out there. Aiming for the fall.

Not Suitable for Some Viewers

2007-06-07T12:01:00.000-04:00

As if the Olympic logo wasn't hideous enough, it's now come to light that the promotional video for it can cause seizures. Even people who hadn't had them for years were being triggered by this awful piece of promotional trash. Talk about adding insult to injury - or in this case injury to insult. It has since been taken off their website, but you can still find it here.

WARNING - If you are prone to seizures and Dickeybird THIS MEANS YOU, don't watch it (unless you want the rest of the day off). I did and even I had to avert my eyes a couple of times - especially the part when the diver jumps in the pool. It even left me feeling a little odd for a minute or so after watching. I find it hard to believe that no one noticed anything unusual during the screening process (assuming there was one of course).

You know, the more I think about it, the more I have to give kudos to the agency that created it. It's definitely unique, it's recognizable, it's unforgettable, everybody's talking about it, and even though it doesn't look like it has much to do with the Olympics, thanks to the media everyone knows that it's associated. I'd have to say that they did their job well - hideous or not.

I'm going to go take some Advil now. I've got a headache. You've been warned.

Logo me this

2007-06-04T12:11:00.000-04:00

This is the official logo for the 2012 Olympics. I may be an artistic hack, but I know shite when I see it. Florescent pink and yellow? Hello? 1988 called and they want their logo back. Ech. Apparently it hasn't been well received.

Best comment I've read so far:

"Lisa Simpson giving head is the official 2012 London Olympic logo!"

Didn't see it until I read that - and now it's all I see.

Thanks to Knife Writer for the quote.

Since Everyone Else Is Doing It

2007-05-31T15:06:00.000-04:00

1.The phone rings, who do you want it to be?
A representative from The Daddy Institute telling me that I've won the grand prize and can choose to be the boy of any one of their hot, rich Daddies. I also get to be the beneficiary of their will (not that there'd be much money left after I was through).

2. When shopping at the grocery store, do you return your cart?
Yes. Q always makes a point of it because god forbid he lose twenty five cents.

3. If you had to kiss the last person you kissed, would you?
If I knew his name, what he looked like and could find that dark alley again.

4. Do you take compliments well?
Yes, but I don't take lack of them very well.

5. Do you play Sudoku?
Sometimes. It makes my brain hurt after a while. Thinking is hard.

6. If abandoned alone in the wilderness, would you survive?
My Daddy would never abandon me. I'd sue the Institute.

7. Do you like tongue rings?
Eh, whatever.

8. Did you ever go to camp as a kid?
Yes, I went to Quin-Mo-Lac! Just like Dickey! I also remember there being a couple of hot counselors there who were identical twins. Made me tingle in a pre-pubescent way. One was our group leader and I remember peaking at him at night and watching him change.

9. Could you date someone with different religious beliefs?
Yes I could and I have. His being Jewish bothered him a lot more than it did me (I didn't care).

10. Do you like to pursue or be pursued?
Definitely pursued. This bitch don't like to work.

11. Use three words to describe yourself at the moment.
Bored and horny.

12. Do any songs make you cry?
Only when I'm relentlessly subjected to the same 5 top 40 songs on the radio. I don't listen to the radio anymore.

13. Are you continuing your education?
I learn something new every day - another way to hate Windows.

14. Do you know how to shoot a gun?
I had a pellet gun as a kid. Does that count?

15. If your house was on fire, what would be the first thing you grabbed?
My cats - who would be all freaked out and run away from me.

16. Who was the last person you shared a bed with?
Q.

17. Favorite children's movie?
I prefer childish shows for adults - South Park, Robot Chicken, Harvey Birdman, Drawn Together etc.

18. What color are your eyes?
Blue / Green / Hazel. It depends on the day. Makes filling in government forms a crapshoot.

19. How tall are you?
6'1"

20. If you could do it over again, start from scratch, would you?
Definitely.

21. Any secret admirers?
Too many to mention. They're so secret I don't even know they exist.

22. Taken a picture in photo booth?
Yes.

23. When was the last time you were at Olive Garden?
The last time one was open in Toronto - 1999 ish.

24. Favorite ex?
If I liked them, they wouldn't be an Ex. Though J was fun.

25. Do you like mayo?
All over my body.

26.Do you like mustard?
Yes I do.

27. Do you prefer to sleep or eat?
Both, but if I had to give up one it would be sleeping.

28. Do you look like your mum or dad
I kinda look like my mom's brother.

That didn't come out right.

29. How long does it take you to shower?
10 - 15 min. Depends on how many songs I sing.

30. Can you do the splits?
God no!

31. What movie do you want to see right now?
There are a couple, just on the tip of my tongue, but I can't think of them now. Spiderman 3 is NOT one of them.

32. What did you do for New Years?
I can't quite remember, but it was quiet.

33. Do you think The Grudge was crappy?
Never saw it but want to.

34. Do you want to have sex right now?
Yes, but not with anyone in the immediate vicinity.

35. Do you own a camera phone?
No.

36. Did you have a crush on any teachers?
Yes. in high school. His name was Mr Clapp.

That sounds wrong.

37. Was your mom a cheerleader?
I highly doubt it.

38. What's the last letter of your middle name?
D.

39. How many hours of sleep do you get a night?
Around 7.

40. Do you like care bears?
I did when I was little. It frightens me that they are popular all over again.

41. What do you buy at the Movies?
Chocolate, sprite and eat Q's popcorn.

42. Do you know how to play poker?
Nope.

43. Do you wear your seatbelt?
Yes, although mine currently has a big red blood stain on it from the Evil Dead Musical.

44. What do you wear to sleep?
My birthday suit.

45. Anything big ever happen in your town?
Port Hope - nothing ever happens. Toronto - I guess SARS was a big deal.

46. Is your hair straight or curly?
Straight and messy.

47. Is your tongue pierced?
No. Not interested.

48. Do you like Liver and Onions?
Why would I choose to eat the body's filter? Love onions though.

49.Have you ever been in love?
Currently am. Thought I had before, but looking back I wasn't really. Not like this.

50. Do you like funny or serious people better?
Funny.

51. Ever been to L.A.?
I think we went there on a family trip to California when I was 10.

52.Do you like the rain?
Yes. Especially if it's a warm rain.

53.Ocean or pool?
Ocean, then pool in the afternoon.

54.What’s your favorite drink?
Belvedere vodka martini, straight up, dirty, with olive.

55. Do you hate chocolate?
That's like asking if I hate water, air or any other necessity.

56. Are you a gullible person?
Yes - I mean no, I mean why do you ask?

57. Do you need a bf/gf to be happy?
No, but it helps.

58. Do you have socks on right now?
Yes.

59. Are you easy to get along with?
I always thought so, unless no one has bothered to inform me otherwise.

60. What is your favorite time of day?
11pm

61. Do you like PINK?
I have a pink shirt that I look good in, and a pink t-shirt. As for the artist, she's not too bad.

My new coffee table

2007-05-31T13:32:00.001-04:00

OK, so I know most (if not all) of you are not tech junkies like myself, but you have to see this for yourself.

I
Want
One
Now.

Reefer Madness

2007-05-29T09:49:00.000-04:00

This is what happens when you make special brownies, eat too many of them and call 9-1-1.

Wait, there's more...

Dead Like Me

2007-05-23T08:25:00.000-04:00

Last night Dickey, Q, Scott and I went out to see Evil Dead the Musical as part of my annual birthday celebration. I made sure to get us front row center blood seats. All of us except Scott had seen it before. It was funny and campy - just like before. And we all got spattered with blood - just like before. I think I got it the worst out of the four of us. Somehow they must have known it was my birthday.

Guilty Pleasure

2007-05-18T11:51:00.001-04:00

I hate to admit it, but I've been watching American Idol. I've come to the conclusion that a large number of the voters are idiots. Melinda was voted off this week. It's insane. That woman can SING and has amazing stage presence. Blake should have been booted off. He's cute, sings well, but the Larvell Jones-esque noises get tired very quickly.

It should have been Melinda and Jordan - with Melinda winning. That's all I'm sayin'.

Faces of Me

2007-05-16T18:43:00.000-04:00

And just to top things off I actually did make it onto Buckley's website. You can see my earth shattering web debut here. Vote for me if you like, but I'm sure I won't win.

It ain't easy

2007-05-03T11:20:00.000-04:00

Sorry I dropped off the radar. I've been retardedly busy. Work has been unbelievably stressful and I pretty much reached my breaking point last week. Having a better time this week, though I'm floating just under the surface of breaking again. Anyone out there looking for an entry level technical support position? We're hiring - without some help I'm going to snap one of these days (again).

I've been working very hard at turning my life around these past few weeks. I've take account of all the things that I am not happy with and am working towards fixing them. It's extremely exhausting and time consuming and the only thing that's keeping me going is the end goal - more free time to enjoy my life and to be able to relax more. We spent all of last Saturday unpacking the house - after being in there for, oh, only a year. It's such a relief to walk down the stairs in the morning and not be greeted by boxes waiting to be unpacked and stressing me out. There's still some work to do, but my goal is to get everything done and finished by the end of May so I can enjoy my summer.

I've also been working hard on other projects too which I'm not able to blog about. Very time consuming and energy draining, but will be worth it. Who knew that taking control of your life would be so difficult? No wonder a lot of people don't do it and just settle for whatever. It's tough.

Had some disappointing news yesterday. I had applied for a booth in the Toronto Outdoor Art Festival in July. It's a 3 day event which you get to promote and sell your artwork and keep all the profits. I thought for sure I'd get in, but apparently that's not the case. It's disappointing enough to be rejected, but here's what really pissed me off. When you apply you have to pay a $300 application fee plus a $10 paypal fee - but if you are rejected, they keep $40 as a non-refundable service charge. So I only got a cheque for $260 and was out 50 bucks. I felt scammed. It's posted clearly on their website, but still it just feels wrong. According to the letter they had over 1200 applicants for 500 spots. That's at least 700 rejections x $40 = $28000! Talk about a cash grab! Fundamentally I think it's a great cause and I support the effort, but at that cost I just can't support the event. It's for the same reason that I decided not to do SNAP! this year. I realize it's a charity event, but after paying for the materials, paying the application fee and then paying again to get in, it ends up costing me well over $100. It's like if you're willing to give a little these art organizations just grab whatever they can get.

In the end it's not a bad thing. Q's big family reunion and his parent's 50th wedding anniversary were on that same weekend. We hadn't told them I wasn't going yet and thankfully don't have to now. Plus it was going to cost me $1500 - $2000 to get all my prints made. Money I just don't have right now. So I'm disappointed at being rejected, but I'm relieved I don't have to do it now. Everything happens for a reason.

Oh and Dead Robot - let me know where and when you're exhibition is. I'd love to see it.

3 Years

2007-04-16T12:42:00.000-04:00

Today marks the 3 year anniversary of when Q and I "officially" got together. We were friends, then roommates before that, and everyone saw it coming - even my boyfriend at the time. It's been a whirlwind of craziness, but in a good way.

When you talk with people who have been together forever, they sometimes talk about the moment when they just knew that "this was it." Before I never understood how someone could just arbitrarily decide that one particular person was going to be their partner for life. Now I know what they are talking about. Up until I met Q, I was just going through life figuring that I'd be with whoever was convenient at the time, and that the relationship would just eventually end and I'd move on to another. The thought of being with someone forever was unfathomable.

However, after a short few months with Q, things were completely different. I started thinking about us and the future. And I knew - without a doubt - that he was the person who I wanted to spend every waking moment with (but not in that clingy way - I still cherish my independence). I'd even like to get married one day.

He's unbelievably kind, generous, supporting and understanding. In return he makes me want to be a better man. There's something to be said for that.

We have our ups and downs like anyone, but more ups than downs, which is nice for a change. We've both been through rough times with other people, and as a result when we do disagree we have never resorted to yelling, name calling, saying cruel things out spite, violence or anything like that. If I ever got to that level I'd simply walk out and spend some time alone until I calmed down. No one deserves that - ever - and I won't let it happen again. Thankfully those moments are few and far between. We both prefer to listen and discuss, rather than argue. It takes more effort, but reaps bigger rewards.

I'm just looking ahead to more fun times in the future - and maybe a ring goddammit. It's getting about time. I know that I could just as easily ask him, rather than wait for him to ask me, but I just want him to do it. Don't know why. Guess I'm just a big ol' girl after all.

Before and After

2007-04-11T22:02:00.000-04:00

When my grandmother went into a nursing home a few years ago, I had the opportunity to raid the closets of all the boxes upon boxes upon boxes of 35mm reels. I managed to scan some in a while ago (a tedious task at best) and was looking over them again. I found this one picture of my grandmother (on the right) and her sister Marnie. Aunt Marnie was one of the most amazing people I ever had the pleasure of knowing in my life. She was about 5'1" and full of energy and an unbelievably positive person. Unfortunately she lived in California so I only got to meet her a few times. But those precious few time left an ever lasting impression. She passed away a few years ago and was in her early 90's. Always independent, it wasn't until her last few years that she had a nurse come to her house to help her out. It's funny, she always looked just like she does in that picture.

I used to opportunity to practice my photoshopping skills and remove the dirt and scratches. Not a bad job, if I do say so myself. Of course you can't tell unless you click on it for the full picture. I may even print it out and hang it in my office somewhere.

Before:

After:

Brought to you by the letter F

2007-04-11T13:51:00.000-04:00

Today I had to explain to someone what feltching was.

'Nuff said.

There's only one way out

2007-04-09T22:38:00.000-04:00

Q's parents live in a senior's complex. It's pretty much condos for old people - not that his parents are decrepit or anything. Anyways, we visited them on Sunday and when we pulled into the parking lot I noticed a couple of new signs, and promptly almost peed myself. As you enter the driveway you see the two signs, one above the other. This is how they read:

Senior's Residence.
No Exit.

I've got to go back with my camera.

I Like Mika

2007-04-03T10:18:00.000-04:00

And I don't mind sayin'. Probably wouldn't be half as popular now if Scissor Sisters hadn't blazed the disco/Bee Gees/Elton John/Queen/pop/ballad/insert-influence-here trail first. The whole album is pretty solid too.

If you don't like it, well I'll just chalk it up to being a hack when it comes to art and music.

Grace Kelly

Love Today

Sore

2007-04-02T12:06:00.000-04:00

Helped Dickey move in to his new apt on Sunday. It was a rather uneventful (thankfully) but long day.

The cats seemed oddly pleased with their new surroundings. Usually cats don't take to change well and take a few days to acclimatize. Andy in particular was the most affectionate I've ever seen her, considering she's prone to hiding when people are around. Maybe they were looking forward to it? They can sense tension.

New diggs are nice. Glad to see him in a good place. Can't wait to see it with furniture.

Q & A

2007-03-30T10:37:00.000-04:00

I received this comment from "A" yesterday:

I see your internet site, and now I see your blog. I am sorry, but I have to say I think it is terrible your art. Really bad, no one will ask you to paint inside of church, that is for sure! But it is good that you try, I can see you try. So I say this, why do you do nothing with yourself? I read some of your blog and it is boring, all you seem to do is complain about life and shop in malls for Ipods. Isn't Toronto a big city? Isn't there lots of things to do? I think if you do a lot, maybe things will get better. I do so hope, you look a very nice boy, but you sound so sad.

Well A, while I appreciate the feedback, let me clear a few things up for you:

1. Art is subjective. You can love it or you can hate it. Personally I hate those airbrushed pictures of Wizards that I see at flea markets, but there seems to be no end of them and I can only assume that people still buy them. Especially if you are my old superintendents. Same goes for floral oil paintings in oversized golden frames, those pictures of mexican kids with big, sad eyes, and velvet paintings.

2. I don't have any plans to paint the inside of a church, nor do I hope to be asked to. It would probably end up being something like a Last Supper Super Orgy; Jesus getting whipped on a St Andrew's cross or Moses in a sling getting horn fucked by Unicorn. I don't think it would go over very well.

3. I don't recall shopping in malls for iPods lately. In fact I'm in no hurry to replace the one I've got. In addition I don't recall shopping in a mall for iPods and posting about it recently at all - except the time we took Q's nieces to the Eaton Center as a Christmas present. But what I do want is an AppleTV. Feel free to donate to the cause.

4. I may be complaining a lot lately (am I?), but exciting things are happening in my life right now that I can't post about yet and that's frustrating. I've been down lately but hey, shit happens. Once I get things happening, there will be more ups than downs I can assure you. And I love complaining for christ's sake! If I couldn't do it on my blog then what would be the point of even having it?

5. Toronto is a big city and yes, there's lots to do. The problem is I've done so many things and so many men in the past 10 years or so, that I'm in no rush to do any more. I'm quite content to be at home for those precious few hours I am a day and enjoy it. There's a reason why I moved out of the downtown core.

6. I am a nice looking boy, thank you. And like I said, maybe even a little down these days but I feel it's warranted and am taking the steps to rectify the situation.

Thanks A. You gave me something to write about today.

It's a Jitterbug Day

2007-03-29T10:34:00.000-04:00

What NOT to do in the morning.

2007-03-28T09:41:00.000-04:00

Wake up to alarm at 7:00 am. Lay back and rest for just a few minutes.
Wake up (with alarm still blaring) again at 7:30 am. Lay back and rest for just one more minute.
Wake up (with alarm still blaring) at 8:10 am. Run and jump into shower.
Sit down and watch TV while eating breakfast.
Finish eating cereal but continue watching Breakfast Television. It's imperative that you see the segment where they make Easter rabbits out of Rice Krispies squares.
Give cats their morning tuna treat (lest they kill you), get dressed, brush teeth, put product in hair, walk out door. Don't rush.
Drive to work, park car.
Go to Starbucks and get into very long line.
Stare at the trainer you see all the time there and try to figure out what part of Eastern Europe he's from. Wonder if he really does have that long, floppy, uncut cock that you fantasize about.
Avert eyes before you're caught.
Grab coffee and walk into office around 9:30.
Start blogging.