Friday Follies

There's a storm brewing....

Dallas Nights

Last night I watched DALLAS SWAT - one of those reality shows where they follow a SWAT team around through different missions. I decided something last night. I want - no need - to move to Dallas and become a drug dealer. When the Swat team busts through my door, I'll shove all the drugs down my pants and demand to be strip searched. Curiously, one of the houses they busted last night had a "man trap" in it. I'm not sure what that is exactly, but I think I'll need one of those too.

On another note, during the show they aired a commercial for HP laptops. They came with a service and support warranty for the lifetime of the computer. I'm not sure what that means either, but I think it goes something like this:

Hello, HP tech support. How can I help you?

Hi there, my laptop just died and it won't turn on anymore. I need it fixed.

I'm sorry sir, but I'm afraid I can't help you. Your warranty is no longer valid.

What do mean? I was told it had a lifetime warranty.

Yes it does sir, and your laptop has reached the end of it's life. Therefore the warranty is no longer valid.

But...

Thank you. (click)

I didn't get tickets for Scissor Sisters

And after getting my hands on their new album, "Ta-Dah", I'm glad I opted out. While I liked the blend of Elton John/Bee Gees on the first album, the addition of relentless honky tonk piano, banjos and an overall vaudeville flair is just too much the second time around. As I was listening to it on my way to work this morning, I was left picturing Mary Pickford, with her hair cut in a 20's bob, wearing fishnets and tassels, dancing across a stage with Betty Boop. Seriously. Then, as I was listening to "I Can't Decide", it reminded me of some other song that I hadn't heard in years. It took a few minutes before reaching the surface of my brain:

Some day we'll find it, the Rainbow Connection.
The lovers, the dreamers and me.
La, la la, La, la la la, La Laa, la la, La, La la laaaaaaa

The Muppet Movie. I'm listening to Scissor Sisters and all I can think of is Kermit sitting on a tree stump in the friggin' Muppet Movie.

Don't get me wrong, there are some OK songs on the album (but nothing stellar), and it does move to disco/Sheena Easton inspired tracks as you get further into it, but overall it's a let down compared to their first. I guess there's just too much pressure after your debut album is a smash success.

More Musical Goodness

Somehow or other I managed to get the song 2D2F on my ipod. I don't know where it came from - honestly. It's sung by a female "rap" group, along the same lines as J.J. Fad (Supersonic anyone??). Here's the chorus:

Don't get to drunk to fuck (you've got to get it up)
Don't get to drunk to fuck (you want to get. it. in.)
We get home, I get hot, you pass out, sucks a lot!!!

Wait, this verse is even better:

Don't pass out goin' down on me,
Or I'll wake you up with a mouth full of pee.

Beyonce should watch her back.

Ma Vache est Jolie

I've been listening to this song lately called "J'ai pas vingt ans" and have been trying to sing along with what lyrics I can understand. This morning as I was singing along loudly in my car I realized that something was wrong:

Moi, je sais la tache.
J'ai maquille ma vache.
Moi, j'ai le temps.

which loosely translates into:

I know the task.
I put makeup on my cow.
I have the time.

Somehow I don't think that's what was intended, but it's forever etched in my brain.

Vive la vache!!!

Cheaters

Saturday night I was up late, flipping through the channels and was in the mood for something trashy and mind numbing, so I stopped on Cheaters. As trashy as it is, if my man were cheatin' on me, I'd love nothing more than to bust his sorry ass and embarrass him on national television. But wow, what trash and what a sleazy host. Seems like the type to do a couple of lines just before taping and during each commercial break. I wonder how many vulnerable women he's taken advantage of after the camera stops rolling? I can just see it, the wife's crying on his shoulder and he's all like "Don't worry baby, it's all right." Then he puts his arms around her, slowly sliding them down farther and farther, all the while coaxing her into his trailer so they can have some "privacy." You can't tell me it hasn't happened.

As if the show wasn't trashy enough, the commercials were just as bad - "Got bad credit?", "Get a reverse mortgage!", "Have you been hit by a car? Do you think you might be in the future? You need a lawyer!!", "There's a class action lawsuit going on. You could be eligible!", "Get a Bowflex for only 9.99 a month! (though they don't say how many months)". But the absolute worst were the constantly repeating ads for Ashley Madison. In case you haven't heard, it's a "discreet" dating site for people already in relationships who are "looking for a little something more in their lives."

To put this in perpesctive, I was watching a show where they hunt down and bust cheating spouses and in between segments, show commercials for a dating service for people looking for someone to cheat with. Gotta love TV.

High quality

This morning a client's server crashed for no apparent reason. It just did. It's always nice to report back to a client that reason the server crashed is "I don't know. It's Windows. It just does that." Nice.

I wish things would just work. I know I'd be out of a job, but some days that's just fine by me. Case in point:

1. Blogger Beta. I know it's beta, but I'll just leave it at that.
2. Got my music remote control thingy up and running. The PDA kept having problems with the network card I bought for it. After a lot of sleuthing, I found out that those 2 pieces of hardware are incompatible. That's just ridiculous. Had to get a different network card.
   
3. The software I got that allows you to choose tracks on the computer from the PDA has problems with iTunes playlists. No matter which song you choose from the list, it always plays the first one.
4. I bought a brand new high tech Hi-Def DVD player to go with the new Hi-Def plasma TV. They're connected with a fancy shmancy HDMI cable to provide the most super duper unbelieveably eyeball busting image quality. If I turn on the DVD player and change the TV source to HDMI before the disc is finished loading, the signal doesn't sync right and the image is red. I have to turn the DVD player off and on to get it back. They're both made by Samsung so you'd think there'd be no problems. Sometimes I have to hit the rewind button repeatedly before it's recognized too.
5. Plasma TV's have a burn-in issue. If you watch something with a static image (network logos, or news feeds like CP24 and CNN) the images can get burned into the screen. Same goes for widescreen movies that have the black bars. The instruction manual recommends that you do not watch something like that for more than 2 hours. Guess I'd better not hook up pong.
   
6. I have a PVR (like a Tivo) and every once in a while the sound gets out of sync and/or the image freezes for a split second and/or I can't rewind. I have to get it replaced.
7. I have a home theatre receiver for everything. Every once in a while there's no sound when I turn it on. I have to shut it off and on again and then it works fine.
8. I got a brand new Blackberry a few weeks ago (kill me). It freezes, comes up with errors and/or reboots. It also drops the Bluetooth (for a wireless headset) periodically - usually just as the phone rings. I have to take out the battery and put it back to get it working again. That needs to be replaced.
9. I bought a car charger for the Blackberry. It stopped working yesterday. Something else to be replaced.
   
10. Last year I bought a Bluetooth wireless headset. It wouldn't work and I had to exchange it for another one. After a year it cracked and fell completely apart. I replaced it with another, supposedly better, model which I'm pretty happy with except that the signal isn't as strong as the old one resulting in static sometimes.
11. I can't adjust the mirrors in my car anymore. The switch has to be replaced (under warranty).
12. I won't even go into all the things that have broken, shorted out, died and/or fallen apart on Q's almost 2 year old Jetta.
13. When Q bought his laptop a few years ago, he had to go through 3 before he got one that didn't have some sort of defect.
14. Then there's all the things I buy for clients that arrive DOA right out of the box.
15. WARNING - HARD DRIVES DIE ALL THE TIME!! BACK EVERYTHING UP NOW!! Manufacturers used to have a 3 year warranty on all hard drives. A few years ago they all dropped their warranties to 1 year. They dropped the quality as well.
16. A few years ago, IBM received a bad batch of capacitors which were installed on motherboards in servers and computers all over the globe. For the past 3 years I've periodically been getting calls about IBM PC's/servers crashing. When I arrive, the first thing I do is open the case and look at the motherboard. Nine times out of ten, the capacitors have exploded or leaked. IBM has never publically acknowledged this issue.
    

Things on my good list:

1. My iPod (third generation). That sucker just keeps on ticking no matter what I do to it. I'd like it to die so I can get a new one, but I know it won't - just for that reason.
2. Epson 2200 wide format printer. This sucker cost me over $800. I hadn't used it in almost 6 months due to the move and all. Usually that would mean dried ink in the print heads, resulting in numerous head cleanings requiring replacement of all the cartridges. Even then you might still be screwed. I hooked it up on the weekend, cleaned the heads once and it was 100%. I love that thing.

So if you're unsure of whether to purchase a warranty with something or not, I'll leave you with this piece of advice - if you're the type to buy extended warranties, go to Future Shop. If you say yes to the warranty (which they get the most commission on and have a quota to meet), you can get them to drop the price of many other things or throw them in for free. I went with a friend of mine to get a laptop and since he opted for the warranty we were able to get the guy to through in a router, mouse and web cam for free. It can be done, I do it there all the time. You just have to be as ruthless a customer as they are a salesman.

Beta Bullshit

I signed up for the Blogger Beta thing a while ago. I just have one piece of advice for those of you who are comtemplating the same thing - DON'T.

If I upgrade my template to the latest and greatest ones, I can no longer use Haloscan comments. I like them and I want to keep them. As of yesterday, I could no longer post comments on any non-beta site. So for those of you who are used to me being a loud mouth, I still am, but currently have Beta Duct Tape stuck across my virtual mouth.

I love Robot Chicken

I know that Robot Chicken has been on for years in the States, but seeing as we aren't allowed to have the Cartoon Network (and consequently Adult Swim) in Canada, I had to wait until they picked it up here. I'd heard about it before, but never watched it until it was on for the first time on Friday night. I ran out Saturday and got the DVD.

This is my childhood. These are the kinds of videos that me and my friend Edward used to make when we were kids. I still have most of the toys they have in this show. Seth Green is my hero.

Some call me, Tim?

Spamalot was fantastic. Just as good or better than I'd heard. Go. See. It. Now.

The actors looked like they were having a great time on stage, which just added to excitement (and since we had 4th row center seats it was easy to tell). At one point the Knight of Ni screwed up his lines and started ad-libbing to try make sense of what he'd just said. Instead he just dug himself in further, but kept on going straight faced, making almost everyone else up on stage crack and start laughing. It ended up being one of the funniest parts of the show and got a huge applause. The sign of a true professional.

I didn't have any pre-conceived notions of the plot, or what changes they'd made from the movie. I did this on purpose so that I wouldn't have anything spoiled or be disappointed - and I was far from it. It's a fantastic adaptation.

And while the Toronto cast was excellent, I would have given almost anything to see the Broadway show with Tim Curry, Hank Azaria and David Hyde Pierce. I don't think anyone could top Tim Curry as King Arthur.

What's he do? Nibble your bum?

Help Help! I'm being repressed!!

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We're going tonight!!

Bearded Ladies

Here's a shot of the original Charlie's Angels at the recent Emmy's. Not one of them look like they're pushing 60. And isn't it odd how they all manage to have such perfect cheekbones?

Click the pic for a closer look.

It's still morning, isn't it.

You just know it's going to be a shitty day when you're in a bad mood and trying to pry open this stupid 9 pin serial connector from the 80's and the screwdriver slips and takes a rather large, triangular chunk out of your thumb. Then you look down and think "This looks like it should hurt a lot more than it does." Can't wait for the infection.

On a brighter note, Q went to the St Lawrence Market on Saturday and came home with loads of goodies. As he was unpacking the bags, he held up fresh lasagna noodles and proclaimed "You're making me lasagna bitch!!" Since he had to work late last night, I stopped by the grocery store and picked up everything else I needed to make a tomato, cucumber, red onion and feta salad followed by the aforementioned lasagna. I had a lot of fun making it, Howard had a lot of fun eating all of the cheese bits that fell onto the floor, and Q was pleasantly surprised to find dinner waiting for him when he got home. We ended up having a nice, romantic dinner by candlelight. Have to make a point of doing that more often.

Narcie

Since Peter has been so insistent, here are some photos of my new 'do. It was recently approved by a sassy black woman at my office, so I'm quite confident it looks good. These pics were taken in my new bathroom, with an almost (for 4 weeks now) finished shower behind me. Couldn't use the flash so the colour's kind of off.

Please be advised that it is now 11:00pm and my hair is no where near as fabulous as it was this morning.

Front

Right Side

Left Side

Back

In this last shot, the camera chose to take focus on The Schnozz instead of my noggin. It was part of our house warming gift from Q's mom. We love it. Perfect for our bathroom.

Streaker

Q and I were in Kingston for the weekend. We got rained out most of the time but I didn't care. I was just glad to be away. Sunday morning we headed off to Gananoque for the 1000 Islands 3 Hour Tour. Thankfully the rain stayed away until we returned to the shore.

Since neither of us had tried out the telephoto lens for our camera, we decided to bring it with us. It was perfect for taking pictures of cottages on far away islands, and just generally neat to have. Our ride was pleasant and uneventful until I spotted a speedboat full of kids heading our way. One of the guys began taking off his clothes as they approached. That's when I realized we were about to be streaked and that's when I grabbed my camera and began shooting pictures as they flew by. There's no way that they couldn't have seen me following them from one end of the boat to the other. Q and I couldn't stop laughing. Everyone else was shocked at what they'd just seen.



The only thing I can say about the resulting picture is no wonder that guy ripped his clothes off with a package like that (NSFW). Oh, and he's not Jewish either.

No Apologies Necessary

I just came across the article "Art Does not Apologize" in Wired (from Jockohomo's blog) detailing the author's opinions on the merits of digital photography and art. Basically he states that unless it's shot on 35mm and developed by hand, or painted onto canvas, it's not art. What a load of bullshit.

I don't get offended very easily, but I took great offence at this article. I've been warned about this type of prejudice by gallery owners in Toronto, and have experienced it first hand. It always leaves me with one question, since when did art become solely about the medium?? Does it matter that much? That's the kind of self righteous bullshit that I've run into far too often. I think it's hypocritical for someone to deem something not to be art because it doesn't confine to their set of rules. In fact, isn't that what art is about? Pushing boundaries, changing views, taking things completely out of context? To me, art should invoke a feeling, good or bad. Sometimes you're not really sure what the feeling is, but you love it. Or you absolutely hate it. Either way it's got your attention.

According to this man, if I take my Canon Digital Rebel XT, choose the lens I want, set up a shot, set the aperture, shutter speed, ISO, etc, take a picture, import it into my computer, adjust the colour/brightness/contrast, crop it and print it at home on a professional printer, it's crap. However, if I were to take a 35mm Rebel, adjust how I want it, take the exact same picture, develop the film and print it in a darkroom, then it's a wonderful piece of art. I don't get it.

He also mentions time as a deciding factor. Well, let me tell you that getting the perfect print takes time no matter what you're doing. I've wasted many hours, ink, and sheets of paper getting what I want out of a photograph. Also, I don't just "photograph" something. I manipulate it to what I want it to be. I'll literally spend hours "painting" a picture, sometimes pixel by pixel to achieve the end result. It can take days, weeks, even months for it to be finished. Apparently that counts for nothing.

Now I don't consider myself to be a true photographer. I lack the in depth background knowledge that I believe one should have to label themselves as such, but I think that's true for any profession. I have a good eye though, and when I find the time to take a few courses and get some more experience under my belt, then I'll feel comfortable saying that. In the meantime I do consider myself to be an artist, a digital artist if you want to be exact. I express myself through a medium that I understand, am comfortable with, and that finds me voice for what I want to say.

And I don't apologize for that either.

Ask the expert

When you go to Ask.com and do a search for Benicio Del Toro, I come up as #7!!

Click to enlarge (no pun intended).

Brian Boitano Will Love It!!

It's true. Hell is freezing over. I always swore I'd never get one, but my phone is dying and I'm considering getting a Crackberry. It just makes sense with the small amount of time I'm spending in the office these days.

Lord Help Me.

You Never Knew

Seeing as how I haven't had much time to do anything creative lately, I've given lots of thought to what I want to do. I can't remember if I mentioned it before or not, but I've decided to name my next group of pictures "You Never Knew." My mind works in weird and wonderful ways, and I'm going to attempt to document exactly how this whole project got started.

It began with Goldfrapp's song U Never Know from the Supernature album (get it if you don't have it already). I've always loved music that inspires images in my head, and this song is one of them. I've been interested in stop-motion animation lately and began thinking about how I would use it to make a video for this song. Stay with me here.

The look and feel of it would be very Metropolis-esque. It would center around a mad(??) scientest who creates a female robot on a large table with lots of vacuum tubes and electricity sparking everywhere like in Frankenstein. The purpose of this robot would be to do all his bidding and he'd treat it like a slave. The problem is, this robot falls in love with him. It's either because a) there was a mistake in his programming which inadvertantly instructs her to love him, or b) he sadistically programmed her that way (not sure which yet). He has also programmed her that loving a human is strictly fobidden, so she's terribly conflicted. She loves this man, who treats her like she's nothing, but she's never able to express it to him.

Consequently she longs to be human, and that, for me is reflected in the singing. This is complicated to explain if you haven't heard the song. The chorus has these short, orchestral hits which are replied to with an electronic sounding "ah" a sort of musical call and answer. To me, that's her trying to sing, but she can't. The words and runs in the chorus make her inability that much more apparent, as she can only reply to each with a single note.

Didn't get much farther than that, as far as the story goes, but I think in the end she kills herself or dies in some way (I'm a Gemini, we get so bored with things so easily).

Anyways, that got me thinking about my experiences growing up, and my relationships. I always felt like I wanted to express myself but never could. Communication isn't big in my family. My past boyfriends (except Q) have always been overbearing, controlling, possessive and abusive in some way or another. The worst was with Psycho. With him I was having to endure an emotional rollercoaster, with lots of big ups and big downs. He also became an abusive and violent alcoholic in the latter part of our relationship. I felt trapped. I was too ashamed to tell anyone. I wanted Psycho to know exactly what he was doing to me. I wanted to talk about it with friends but I couldn't.


While mulling this over, my thoughts have expanded out toward all the victims out there who are, or have been, in the same position. Anyone who's been a victim of any sort of abuse, be it physical, mental, emotional or sexual will know exactly what I'm talking about. This new collection is dedicated to me and to them. "You Never Knew" is what I say to the loved ones in my life who would have helped me through those tough times. I know you would have helped me, but you just never knew because I couldn't tell you.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how my brain works.

Worship Me

Your Penis Name Is...

Phantom Lord of Ultimate Darkness

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