Since Everyone Else Is Doing It

1.The phone rings, who do you want it to be?
A representative from The Daddy Institute telling me that I've won the grand prize and can choose to be the boy of any one of their hot, rich Daddies. I also get to be the beneficiary of their will (not that there'd be much money left after I was through).

2. When shopping at the grocery store, do you return your cart?
Yes. Q always makes a point of it because god forbid he lose twenty five cents.

3. If you had to kiss the last person you kissed, would you?
If I knew his name, what he looked like and could find that dark alley again.

4. Do you take compliments well?
Yes, but I don't take lack of them very well.

5. Do you play Sudoku?
Sometimes. It makes my brain hurt after a while. Thinking is hard.

6. If abandoned alone in the wilderness, would you survive?
My Daddy would never abandon me. I'd sue the Institute.

7. Do you like tongue rings?
Eh, whatever.

8. Did you ever go to camp as a kid?
Yes, I went to Quin-Mo-Lac! Just like Dickey! I also remember there being a couple of hot counselors there who were identical twins. Made me tingle in a pre-pubescent way. One was our group leader and I remember peaking at him at night and watching him change.

9. Could you date someone with different religious beliefs?
Yes I could and I have. His being Jewish bothered him a lot more than it did me (I didn't care).

10. Do you like to pursue or be pursued?
Definitely pursued. This bitch don't like to work.

11. Use three words to describe yourself at the moment.
Bored and horny.

12. Do any songs make you cry?
Only when I'm relentlessly subjected to the same 5 top 40 songs on the radio. I don't listen to the radio anymore.

13. Are you continuing your education?
I learn something new every day - another way to hate Windows.

14. Do you know how to shoot a gun?
I had a pellet gun as a kid. Does that count?

15. If your house was on fire, what would be the first thing you grabbed?
My cats - who would be all freaked out and run away from me.

16. Who was the last person you shared a bed with?
Q.

17. Favorite children's movie?
I prefer childish shows for adults - South Park, Robot Chicken, Harvey Birdman, Drawn Together etc.

18. What color are your eyes?
Blue / Green / Hazel. It depends on the day. Makes filling in government forms a crapshoot.

19. How tall are you?
6'1"

20. If you could do it over again, start from scratch, would you?
Definitely.

21. Any secret admirers?
Too many to mention. They're so secret I don't even know they exist.

22. Taken a picture in photo booth?
Yes.

23. When was the last time you were at Olive Garden?
The last time one was open in Toronto - 1999 ish.

24. Favorite ex?
If I liked them, they wouldn't be an Ex. Though J was fun.

25. Do you like mayo?
All over my body.

26.Do you like mustard?
Yes I do.

27. Do you prefer to sleep or eat?
Both, but if I had to give up one it would be sleeping.

28. Do you look like your mum or dad
I kinda look like my mom's brother.

That didn't come out right.

29. How long does it take you to shower?
10 - 15 min. Depends on how many songs I sing.

30. Can you do the splits?
God no!

31. What movie do you want to see right now?
There are a couple, just on the tip of my tongue, but I can't think of them now. Spiderman 3 is NOT one of them.

32. What did you do for New Years?
I can't quite remember, but it was quiet.

33. Do you think The Grudge was crappy?
Never saw it but want to.

34. Do you want to have sex right now?
Yes, but not with anyone in the immediate vicinity.

35. Do you own a camera phone?
No.

36. Did you have a crush on any teachers?
Yes. in high school. His name was Mr Clapp.

That sounds wrong.

37. Was your mom a cheerleader?
I highly doubt it.

38. What's the last letter of your middle name?
D.

39. How many hours of sleep do you get a night?
Around 7.

40. Do you like care bears?
I did when I was little. It frightens me that they are popular all over again.

41. What do you buy at the Movies?
Chocolate, sprite and eat Q's popcorn.

42. Do you know how to play poker?
Nope.

43. Do you wear your seatbelt?
Yes, although mine currently has a big red blood stain on it from the Evil Dead Musical.

44. What do you wear to sleep?
My birthday suit.

45. Anything big ever happen in your town?
Port Hope - nothing ever happens. Toronto - I guess SARS was a big deal.

46. Is your hair straight or curly?
Straight and messy.

47. Is your tongue pierced?
No. Not interested.

48. Do you like Liver and Onions?
Why would I choose to eat the body's filter? Love onions though.

49.Have you ever been in love?
Currently am. Thought I had before, but looking back I wasn't really. Not like this.

50. Do you like funny or serious people better?
Funny.

51. Ever been to L.A.?
I think we went there on a family trip to California when I was 10.

52.Do you like the rain?
Yes. Especially if it's a warm rain.

53.Ocean or pool?
Ocean, then pool in the afternoon.

54.What’s your favorite drink?
Belvedere vodka martini, straight up, dirty, with olive.

55. Do you hate chocolate?
That's like asking if I hate water, air or any other necessity.

56. Are you a gullible person?
Yes - I mean no, I mean why do you ask?

57. Do you need a bf/gf to be happy?
No, but it helps.

58. Do you have socks on right now?
Yes.

59. Are you easy to get along with?
I always thought so, unless no one has bothered to inform me otherwise.

60. What is your favorite time of day?
11pm

61. Do you like PINK?
I have a pink shirt that I look good in, and a pink t-shirt. As for the artist, she's not too bad.

My new coffee table

OK, so I know most (if not all) of you are not tech junkies like myself, but you have to see this for yourself.

I
Want
One
Now.

Reefer Madness

This is what happens when you make special brownies, eat too many of them and call 9-1-1.




Wait, there's more...

Dead Like Me

Last night Dickey, Q, Scott and I went out to see Evil Dead the Musical as part of my annual birthday celebration. I made sure to get us front row center blood seats. All of us except Scott had seen it before. It was funny and campy - just like before. And we all got spattered with blood - just like before. I think I got it the worst out of the four of us. Somehow they must have known it was my birthday.

Guilty Pleasure

I hate to admit it, but I've been watching American Idol. I've come to the conclusion that a large number of the voters are idiots. Melinda was voted off this week. It's insane. That woman can SING and has amazing stage presence. Blake should have been booted off. He's cute, sings well, but the Larvell Jones-esque noises get tired very quickly.



It should have been Melinda and Jordan - with Melinda winning. That's all I'm sayin'.

Faces of Me

And just to top things off I actually did make it onto Buckley's website. You can see my earth shattering web debut here. Vote for me if you like, but I'm sure I won't win.

It ain't easy

Sorry I dropped off the radar. I've been retardedly busy. Work has been unbelievably stressful and I pretty much reached my breaking point last week. Having a better time this week, though I'm floating just under the surface of breaking again. Anyone out there looking for an entry level technical support position? We're hiring - without some help I'm going to snap one of these days (again).

I've been working very hard at turning my life around these past few weeks. I've take account of all the things that I am not happy with and am working towards fixing them. It's extremely exhausting and time consuming and the only thing that's keeping me going is the end goal - more free time to enjoy my life and to be able to relax more. We spent all of last Saturday unpacking the house - after being in there for, oh, only a year. It's such a relief to walk down the stairs in the morning and not be greeted by boxes waiting to be unpacked and stressing me out. There's still some work to do, but my goal is to get everything done and finished by the end of May so I can enjoy my summer.

I've also been working hard on other projects too which I'm not able to blog about. Very time consuming and energy draining, but will be worth it. Who knew that taking control of your life would be so difficult? No wonder a lot of people don't do it and just settle for whatever. It's tough.

Had some disappointing news yesterday. I had applied for a booth in the Toronto Outdoor Art Festival in July. It's a 3 day event which you get to promote and sell your artwork and keep all the profits. I thought for sure I'd get in, but apparently that's not the case. It's disappointing enough to be rejected, but here's what really pissed me off. When you apply you have to pay a $300 application fee plus a $10 paypal fee - but if you are rejected, they keep $40 as a non-refundable service charge. So I only got a cheque for $260 and was out 50 bucks. I felt scammed. It's posted clearly on their website, but still it just feels wrong. According to the letter they had over 1200 applicants for 500 spots. That's at least 700 rejections x $40 = $28000! Talk about a cash grab! Fundamentally I think it's a great cause and I support the effort, but at that cost I just can't support the event. It's for the same reason that I decided not to do SNAP! this year. I realize it's a charity event, but after paying for the materials, paying the application fee and then paying again to get in, it ends up costing me well over $100. It's like if you're willing to give a little these art organizations just grab whatever they can get.

In the end it's not a bad thing. Q's big family reunion and his parent's 50th wedding anniversary were on that same weekend. We hadn't told them I wasn't going yet and thankfully don't have to now. Plus it was going to cost me $1500 - $2000 to get all my prints made. Money I just don't have right now. So I'm disappointed at being rejected, but I'm relieved I don't have to do it now. Everything happens for a reason.

Oh and Dead Robot - let me know where and when you're exhibition is. I'd love to see it.

3 Years

Today marks the 3 year anniversary of when Q and I "officially" got together. We were friends, then roommates before that, and everyone saw it coming - even my boyfriend at the time. It's been a whirlwind of craziness, but in a good way.

When you talk with people who have been together forever, they sometimes talk about the moment when they just knew that "this was it." Before I never understood how someone could just arbitrarily decide that one particular person was going to be their partner for life. Now I know what they are talking about. Up until I met Q, I was just going through life figuring that I'd be with whoever was convenient at the time, and that the relationship would just eventually end and I'd move on to another. The thought of being with someone forever was unfathomable.

However, after a short few months with Q, things were completely different. I started thinking about us and the future. And I knew - without a doubt - that he was the person who I wanted to spend every waking moment with (but not in that clingy way - I still cherish my independence). I'd even like to get married one day.

He's unbelievably kind, generous, supporting and understanding. In return he makes me want to be a better man. There's something to be said for that.

We have our ups and downs like anyone, but more ups than downs, which is nice for a change. We've both been through rough times with other people, and as a result when we do disagree we have never resorted to yelling, name calling, saying cruel things out spite, violence or anything like that. If I ever got to that level I'd simply walk out and spend some time alone until I calmed down. No one deserves that - ever - and I won't let it happen again. Thankfully those moments are few and far between. We both prefer to listen and discuss, rather than argue. It takes more effort, but reaps bigger rewards.

I'm just looking ahead to more fun times in the future - and maybe a ring goddammit. It's getting about time. I know that I could just as easily ask him, rather than wait for him to ask me, but I just want him to do it. Don't know why. Guess I'm just a big ol' girl after all.

Before and After

When my grandmother went into a nursing home a few years ago, I had the opportunity to raid the closets of all the boxes upon boxes upon boxes of 35mm reels. I managed to scan some in a while ago (a tedious task at best) and was looking over them again. I found this one picture of my grandmother (on the right) and her sister Marnie. Aunt Marnie was one of the most amazing people I ever had the pleasure of knowing in my life. She was about 5'1" and full of energy and an unbelievably positive person. Unfortunately she lived in California so I only got to meet her a few times. But those precious few time left an ever lasting impression. She passed away a few years ago and was in her early 90's. Always independent, it wasn't until her last few years that she had a nurse come to her house to help her out. It's funny, she always looked just like she does in that picture.

I used to opportunity to practice my photoshopping skills and remove the dirt and scratches. Not a bad job, if I do say so myself. Of course you can't tell unless you click on it for the full picture. I may even print it out and hang it in my office somewhere.

Before:

After:

Brought to you by the letter F

Today I had to explain to someone what feltching was.

'Nuff said.

There's only one way out

Q's parents live in a senior's complex. It's pretty much condos for old people - not that his parents are decrepit or anything. Anyways, we visited them on Sunday and when we pulled into the parking lot I noticed a couple of new signs, and promptly almost peed myself. As you enter the driveway you see the two signs, one above the other. This is how they read:

Senior's Residence.
No Exit.

I've got to go back with my camera.

I Like Mika

And I don't mind sayin'. Probably wouldn't be half as popular now if Scissor Sisters hadn't blazed the disco/Bee Gees/Elton John/Queen/pop/ballad/insert-influence-here trail first. The whole album is pretty solid too.

If you don't like it, well I'll just chalk it up to being a hack when it comes to art and music.

Grace Kelly


Love Today

Sore

Helped Dickey move in to his new apt on Sunday. It was a rather uneventful (thankfully) but long day.

The cats seemed oddly pleased with their new surroundings. Usually cats don't take to change well and take a few days to acclimatize. Andy in particular was the most affectionate I've ever seen her, considering she's prone to hiding when people are around. Maybe they were looking forward to it? They can sense tension.

New diggs are nice. Glad to see him in a good place. Can't wait to see it with furniture.

Q & A

I received this comment from "A" yesterday:

I see your internet site, and now I see your blog. I am sorry, but I have to say I think it is terrible your art. Really bad, no one will ask you to paint inside of church, that is for sure! But it is good that you try, I can see you try. So I say this, why do you do nothing with yourself? I read some of your blog and it is boring, all you seem to do is complain about life and shop in malls for Ipods. Isn't Toronto a big city? Isn't there lots of things to do? I think if you do a lot, maybe things will get better. I do so hope, you look a very nice boy, but you sound so sad.


Well A, while I appreciate the feedback, let me clear a few things up for you:


1. Art is subjective. You can love it or you can hate it. Personally I hate those airbrushed pictures of Wizards that I see at flea markets, but there seems to be no end of them and I can only assume that people still buy them. Especially if you are my old superintendents. Same goes for floral oil paintings in oversized golden frames, those pictures of mexican kids with big, sad eyes, and velvet paintings.

2. I don't have any plans to paint the inside of a church, nor do I hope to be asked to. It would probably end up being something like a Last Supper Super Orgy; Jesus getting whipped on a St Andrew's cross or Moses in a sling getting horn fucked by Unicorn. I don't think it would go over very well.

3. I don't recall shopping in malls for iPods lately. In fact I'm in no hurry to replace the one I've got. In addition I don't recall shopping in a mall for iPods and posting about it recently at all - except the time we took Q's nieces to the Eaton Center as a Christmas present. But what I do want is an AppleTV. Feel free to donate to the cause.

4. I may be complaining a lot lately (am I?), but exciting things are happening in my life right now that I can't post about yet and that's frustrating. I've been down lately but hey, shit happens. Once I get things happening, there will be more ups than downs I can assure you. And I love complaining for christ's sake! If I couldn't do it on my blog then what would be the point of even having it?

5. Toronto is a big city and yes, there's lots to do. The problem is I've done so many things and so many men in the past 10 years or so, that I'm in no rush to do any more. I'm quite content to be at home for those precious few hours I am a day and enjoy it. There's a reason why I moved out of the downtown core.

6. I am a nice looking boy, thank you. And like I said, maybe even a little down these days but I feel it's warranted and am taking the steps to rectify the situation.

Thanks A. You gave me something to write about today.

It's a Jitterbug Day

What NOT to do in the morning.

1. Wake up to alarm at 7:00 am. Lay back and rest for just a few minutes.
2. Wake up (with alarm still blaring) again at 7:30 am. Lay back and rest for just one more minute.
   
3. Wake up (with alarm still blaring) at 8:10 am. Run and jump into shower.
4. Sit down and watch TV while eating breakfast.
   
5. Finish eating cereal but continue watching Breakfast Television. It's imperative that you see the segment where they make Easter rabbits out of Rice Krispies squares.
6. Give cats their morning tuna treat (lest they kill you), get dressed, brush teeth, put product in hair, walk out door. Don't rush.
7. Drive to work, park car.
8. Go to Starbucks and get into very long line.
9. Stare at the trainer you see all the time there and try to figure out what part of Eastern Europe he's from. Wonder if he really does have that long, floppy, uncut cock that you fantasize about.
10. Avert eyes before you're caught.
11. Grab coffee and walk into office around 9:30.
    
12. Start blogging.
    

Ohhhh Yeahhhh!

Just read that flavoured meth has hit the steets. Delicious tastes include strawberry, chocolate, cola and of course, original. Soon it will be followed with Meth Zero, Diet Meth and Caffeine Free Meth. A revised formula of Meth will soon be rolled out to improve on the original taste, but due to a consumer revolt, will most likely be consigned to the name New Meth and be sold alongside the original Meth Classic.

What's next? Glade scented Poppers?

Sniff your rag and be enveloped in the rich scent of lavender, taking you back to those warm summer days spent in the country - just before you get that fist shoved up your ass.

Old Friends

My old friend Eeyore is back visiting today. I wish he was somewhere else. The clouds that follow him are currently sitting right over my head. The feeling is frustrating yet comforting and familiar at the same time. I've spent a lot of time with Eeyore over the years, and also spent a lot of time with distractions in an attempt to ignore him.

for the past couple of years I've been trying to distance myself from his company. I don't think he likes that very much. He's not going away easy. It's a hell of a lot of work - more than I thought it would take. Just when I think he's gone, I have a day like today when I'm feeling tired, frustrated, stuck and generally fed up with everything and next thing I know he's right by my side.

I think he'll be here for most of the day.

Phone conversation #1,893,922

Me: Do you see the PCanywhere icon?

Client: Yes.

Me: Are you connected to the internet?

Client: Yes.

Me: Now click on the company icon.

Client: Ok it says "PCAnywhere initializing".

Me: Good.

Client: Nothing else is happening. It still says "initializing".

Me: Are you sure that you're connected to the internet?

Client: Yes - oh wait. I have to be connected to the internet first?

Me: (sigh)

My ass is not depressed!!!

Last night I had a dream that I got my ass tattooed. Not just a picture or two, but the entire thing was completely covered - and I don't have a small ass. In fact I remember at least a third of my left cheek being covered in blue, and the rest a collage of pictures.

S wasn't around to do the tattoo so I went to this other guy. His booth was covered in bright coloured pictures, which was exactly what I was looking for. We discussed what I wanted and he tattooed away. I realized when he was done that it had covered much more than I'd anticipated, but what could I do? I'd just have to get used to it. So I ran out, found all my friends at a bar and brought them into an empty room to show off my new tattoo.

After the crowd had gathered I turned around, undid my pants and dropped them. No one seemed impressed. In fact Dickeybird looked miffed. I think it was because I didn't get S to do it and I didn't bring him with me. His response:

"It's great - if you want to show your proctologist how depressed you are."

I thought "What? I'm not depressed! I'm happy, that's why I wanted a fun tattoo!" It was then that I took a good look in the mirror. The tattoo was bright and colourful at first glance, but when you looked at it closely, the images were quite sombre. My next thought:

"I can't have someone who's fucking my ass looking down and getting depressed! It would totally ruin the mood!"

Priorities.

I started to think of ideas on how to cover some of the images, including making Hitler's face green and changing it into the Hulk, and went back to the artist to talk to him about what he'd done. It turned out that he'd ignored most of our conversation and put in his own images (including a creepy clown graphic) because he'd drawn them earlier and his girlfriend thought they were cool. He gave me a revised sketch to change it, but it wasn't any better.

I started looking for S to see if he could fix the mess, but then my alarm went off. I woke up with a start, wondering what the hell I was going to do about my multi-coloured ass. Until, of course, I realized it was just a dream and I wasn't running the risk of depressing my boyfriend.

I should use this as a premise for a new Broadway play - Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Ass. Anyone have Andrew Lloyd Webber's phone number?