Dear Rob Zombie

While I appreciate that you are still relatively new in the role of Movie Director, I think that by tackling a remake of Halloween, you bit off a bit more than you could chew. After viewing your movie last night, I've made a few notes and questions:

1. Suspense - it makes a horror film scary. Without it, it's a little bland and predictable. You might want to try adding it next time around.
2. Serial Killers do not require a long, drawn out backstory. It's more fun when you don't know why they're so fucked up and killing people. Not to mention that when the film starts with the kid already screwed up, trying to show why afterwards is rather pointless. You'd do better showing certain events first, and then the results. This also goes for whoever remade The Texas Chainsaw Massacre.
   
3. Timelines - if you start the film in what looks like the 70's, and then go to "Fifteen Years Later," you might want to give us an actual year as a frame of reference. In my mind the film started in or around 1975, which would make the latter part of the film take place around 1990. I don't remember cute, small cell phones being around then - especially in the hands of teenagers. But then the rest of the phones in the houses looked like they were from 1982. I'm confused.
4. If it's "Fifteen Years Later," then how come the only black man in the film (who gets killed of course) looks, acts and talks like some jive talkin' , mutton chop wearin', trucker badass from Shaft? And if he's pulled out a knife and is prepared to beat the shit out of somebody, why would he call him an A-hole instead of asshole?
   
5. Continuity - If Michael squeezes someone's head and pushes their eyeballs into their sockets and blood starts running everywhere, shouldn't the victim still have blood on their face when he drags them down the hall? If you go to the trouble of showing a bathroom stall wall being knocked over and the glass shattering on the advertisement that hangs on it, you might not want to have it in pristine condition in the very next shot.
   
6. How does a police chief remove a baby from a murderous crime scene, drive it to the next hospital and drop it off with no questions asked? Especially when the mother is still alive?
7. You might want to stick to making music. Your movies suck.