I Think I Have a Problem

On Friday afternoon we had our Christmas lunch followed by a number of hours spent drinking martinis at The Four Seasons Hotel. Needless to say, after 6 martinis or something (not including the drinks at lunch) I was pretty hammered by the time I got home. As the night wore on I began to feel sicker and sicker due to the fact that I had mixed alcohol by having a couple of obligatory glasses of wine with my food. Everyone knows that mixing alcohol is bad bad bad. So at the end of the night I layed in bed, moaning and groaning and not knowing if I was going to throw up or not until I eventually passed out.

Saturday morning I woke at 8:00am only to find myself feeling refreshed, renewed and like I had got the best sleep in my life. I even got up and into the shower before Q got out of bed. That just never happens. It's always Q getting up, showering, then dragging my sorry ass out of bed, down the hall, and throwing me into the shower. That morning he was looking at me like I'd been possessed or replaced by a clone in the middle of the night.

Like I said, it had been weeks since I'd woken up feeling that fantastic and ready to take on the day. In fact the last time was after my last Christmas party where I indulged in countless martinis all night long. The next morning - boom - awake, happy, and ready to go. Same thing again a few weeks before that. No hangover - just the opposite. Also, the only other time that happens is after I go for acupunture.

Great, I thought, all I need to do is drink copious amounts of vodka until I pass out every night and stick myself with needles and I'll the most productive person ever!! However, after stockpiling the spare room with cases of Belvedere and going out to the free needle clinics pretending to be a junkie with a really, really, bad habit, it dawned on me that maybe something else was going on.

A collegue of mine suffers from sleep apnea (where you stop breathing multiple times throughout the night). In a drunken conversation on Friday, I discovered that I have many of the same symptoms - excessive snoring (I could wake the dead), night sweats, memory loss (some days it's really bad), a general feeling of lethargy all the time, low energy and never feeling rested in the morning even after a full night's sleep.

The only time I don't have these symptoms is after I get acupuncture for the night sweats, or after heavy drinking. My theory is both of these things somehow trigger my body into not relaxing the soft palette at the back of my mouth, and consequently not obstructing my breathing. It's a long shot, but it's the only thing I can think of.

Regardless, I'm going to make an appointment to get it checked out. Looks like I'll have to sleep overnight in a clinic so they can observe my patterns. I wonder if they'll let me bring porn in if I get bored? Or perhaps a conjugal visit by Q? It would be kind of hot with the cameras and people watching and all.