To all the girls I've loved before.....

Thanks Dan for the title suggestion.

There has been a few thank you’s going around lately. I thought maybe I would do a list of my own - with a twist:

• To Cling-on, thanks for being my first real girlfriend. We dated for quite a long time and it’s thanks to you that I realized I didn’t like women. No offence or anything.


• To Heidi, thanks for saving my ass. It was my last year of highschool and word was getting out that I was gay. You were such a slut and all the guys wanted to screw you, but you liked me so we went out. It saved my ass from getting whipped bigtime. All the jocks couldn’t figure it out, but were jealous and confused at the same time. I think it raised my status to slightly above ass kicking. That was until you dropped out of school, moved out to Oshawa and became a stripper. You know, if you'd have stayed around a little bit longer, we could have fucked. I never had the opportunity before or since.
  


• To the Walrus (koo koo ke choo), you were my first boyfriend and together we discovered the joys of man on man sex. That was until you got really boring, jealous and possessive. Thanks for making it downright impossible to do the things I really wanted to do in life. I told you I didn’t love you, didn’t want to have sex with you and didn’t even like you very much anymore, yet you cried for days and were surprised when I left. Freak.


• To L, through you I discovered the joys of drugs, and hot, dirty, kinky sex. I don’t care if everyone said that you looked like Ron Jeremy, you were hung like John Holmes.


• To Psycho, I owe you my self esteem. You beat me down so badly that I didn’t have a choice but to learn to stand up for myself. Strangely I came out of that experience a stronger man. All the traveling was fun too. But you’re still a complete and utter asshole who’s in need of some serious mood stabilizing drugs.


• To Mr. Man, thanks for being there post Psycho. I needed that a lot.


• To the guys following, thanks for the fun and distraction.


• To J, sorry it didn’t work out. You were a bit too clingy, but being with you made me realize how much I wanted to be with Q. Thanks for being my rebound.


• To Q, what can I say, you’re the love of my life. I’ve never felt like this about anyone before. Thanks for showing me what a real adult relationship is all about. One where respect, compassion, and joy flow both ways. As far as I’m concerned, you are permanently at the end of this list.