Apparently Mr. Surly thinks I'm evil. He has absolutely no idea how evil I can be, but here's a sampler. If you totally, completely and utterly want to fuck somebody over, get them to click this link at work and make sure the speakers are on:
http://halflife2.zoy.org/?u=sam
But if you know what's good for you - YOU WON'T CLICK THE LINK!!!!
Seriously.
Don't.
It's been 3 weeks since I stopped smoking. Haven't cheated yet - but have wanted too. The worst part of the whole experience is the craving I get after eating a large, satisfying meal. Gum just doesn't cut it. I weighed myself at the gym yesterday and I hadn't gained any weight though - but hadn't lost any either.
Q is still smoking, but not in the apt and not in the car with me. I starting to become very sensitive to the smell of smoke now. I can definitely smell it on him after he has one. It's even getting to the point where it's actually starting to bother me. How I ever thought that I could smoke and not have anyone notice is beyond me. What a retard. Anyways, he's quitting in a few weeks. He just needs to get into a pattern at the gym so that he doesn't gain weight either.
Nothing too exciting happened on the weekend. We went to a course on how to use the new camera. Learned a lot which also help me figure out how to use my new macro flash. Went and saw Hoodwinked on Saturday night. It was cute, but could have used some more adult jokes like Shrek. Had some great sex, ate some good food.
Not a bad weekend at all.
When you're running through the grocery store and you see szechuan sauce, don't just grab it and assume it's peanut szechuan sauce. Following that, please don't use it that evening as the main sauce for your stir fry. For that bottle you're holding isn't peanut, it's HOT. And instead of pouring 1/4 of the bottle on your food, the label recommends 1 teaspoon (or 1 tablespoon if you're feeling particularly brave). This will save you the tedious task of picking through a plate of hot lava looking for the shrimps because they're still edible since they were put in last and only have a hint of non-peanut-flavoured szechuan fire.
Yesterday I was feeling a little blah so I decided to go to yoga after work. The studio is just up the street from my apartment so I walked there, as per usual. On my way I passed a girl huddled in a sleeping bag, sitting in a storefront entrance. It was a cold night out, and she looked very cold.
After a great session, I was feeling all warm, calm and zen-like as I made my way back home. I passed this girl again and took a good look at her as I walked by. Her bright, blue eyes were wide open, full of sadness and fear and I could hear her shivering. She didn't look very old, possibly still in her teens - too young to be out on the street. The look in her eyes made me realize that for her, being out on the streets in the cold was better than the place she used to be. It made me sad. It pulled on my heart, bringing me back down to earth. I may have some issues I'm dealing with in my life, and some of them are not insignificant, but I still have a warm home and food in my stomach.
So when I got home, I decided to pack a lunch bag full of some things I had around the house - fruit, cookies, crackers and such - and was going to give this girl something to eat, buy her a coffee, and maybe get to know her story.
But when I returned she was gone.
I was kind of relieved.
Do you ever have one of those days when you stop, take a good look around you and think "Is this it? Is this what life is all about?" You see people working meaningless jobs, pushing meaningless pencils, typing meaningless memos, answering meaningless phones and having the most inane conversations about nothing. What's the point and how is that truly living?
It's times like this that I want to quit my job, hovel myself up in my apartment for a few weeks and just go crazy creating new pieces of art. It's only when I'm working on a piece that I really feel. These emotions get channeled through the camera lens, into a digital file and appear in front of me on a computer screen. But they're not done yet. They're obscured and muted due to the fact that a camera can only capture reality. It's only after peeling away the layers of normalcy that what I was truly feeling comes through.
If I had the space and money, I'd create huge loft-sized pieces to really get it all out. And I'd make sure they were seen by everyone. But I can't right now. So things stay confined. Not in me, but in a convenient array of 1's and 0's on a harddrive.
UPDATE
I guess what I was getting at in my rant is I'm bored with my day to day routine. I want to do something. I want to create something. And I want it to affect a lot of people's lives (in a good way)!!!!
If you don't vote, then you have no right to complain about the government.
I love to bitch, so therefore I must vote.
Make sense?
I'm particularly interested in the Pictoral Story of Woman's "SAFE" days. Click to enlarge.
Where are their hands?
Please find the obvious
If Santa hasn't come yet he's sure to once Daisy gets home
Today is not a good day. Q has to take one of his cats to the vet to be put down. He and his ex rescued a little kitten 15 years ago and named him Spaz. They also managed to rescue 4 more strays within the next couple of years. Out of all his feline friends, Spaz was the only one to have never suffered any ailments. Then, just before Christmas, his kidneys started failing. They got him some medication which helped a little bit, but he never fully recovered, and there's no chance of that happening at all now. He's beginning to deteriorate even more.
So now Q is at his old house, spending time with the cats, and of course with Spaz in particular. He doesn't move much now, but still likes to sit on your legs and have his bum patted, and will let out little meows when you stop, until you start up again.
At 6:45pm, Spaz will take his very last breath and then go to sleep for the last time. I'm gonna miss you little guy. We all will.
Q: What's black and blue and doesn't like sex?
A: The little boy in the trunk of my car.
You can thank b3ta for that one too.
That's right Captain Peacock. I can eat whatever I want cuz the diet is done. In fact I had a glazed chocolate doughnut as soon as I got to work this morning. I didn't really want it, but had been craving it for so long that I really just ate it out of principle. And I had Raisin Bran for breakfast, my first dose of wheat products in 10 days. It upset my stomach. The doughnut afterwards didn't help much either.
But still no smoking!! I think I'll continue to stay off the sugar, wheat, coffee and alcohol for little while longer. Or at least reduce it.
Went to Yoga last night and brought Q along with me. Poor guy, I wasn't sure he was going to make it all the way through. Ashtanga Yoga is not easy - especially your first time. It kills you. I'm not sure if he'll go back, but now he can't poke fun at me for going anymore because he knows.
I've decided not to name any of my new pieces (other than numbering them), since they all deal with the frustrations of not being heard, not feeling important. To name them would be an act of acknowledgement, and that's what I felt was missing for so long in my life. I like them a lot.
That's right, I chopped off all her hair. Well, what hair there was anyways. Cheap dollar store barbies don't come with a full head of hair - just an elaborate comb-over.
Since I last sucked a fag. Actually that's true on both accounts. I need to fix that.
The physical craving have pretty much subsided and now it's just the habit that I need to break. So I've been chewing a lot of gum, snacking on unsalted almonds and carrots, have gone back to the gym and started yoga again. My bathroom is also very clean. Idle hands are smoking hands!
Plus I can officially start eating real food again on Thursday. I may stay off of wheat for a while longer though. It's a great way to slim down and I'm finding that it can make me feel very bloated. If I start off by slimming down quickly, it will give me the motivation to keep going to the gym.
Speaking of which, Q and I went out to get some workout clothes on the weekend. Lucky for us, Winners had some sort of "athletic event sale" or something. I ended up buying almost $200 worth of pants, t-shirts and shorts - he bought a pair of track pants. It's hard to find clothing for yoga, and they had a lot of stuff for great prices. Plus I find new gym clothes can motivate me. I know that it's super duper faggy gay, but it makes me feel good to put on my new outfit and go workout. Plus I can mix and match! Is there anything more fabulous than that?
Dammit Janet - I will not go through this alone.
Safe for work. If watching fat hairy gay men pretend to be Susan Sarandon can be considered safe.
I actually recognized this. I've seen it before but with the original song - which I find terribly frightening. Of course it's going to bug the hell out of me trying to remember what it is.
A few months ago some new neighbours moved in across the hall. They are a young couple (guy and girl) who like to have the odd party on a Saturday night, but are really no trouble at all. At least they weren't a lot of trouble before their love life started falling apart.
Now we get to listen to them fight and yell at each other every few weeks. And it's really stupid too. Yelling things like "I thought you loved me!!" and "Why don't you listen to me??!!" and "You're such a fucking asshole." I've never heard them have an argument about anything with substance.
Then last night at around 11:30 they started again. Only this time it was worse. Their fight spilled out into the hallway where they were yelling and screaming at each other. Then she locked him out of the apartment and he sat at the door whimpering "now you've locked me out of my own apartment, how could you do that?" whimper whimper sob sob. Then she opened the door and the screaming began all over again.
At one point this guy was really starting to lose control. He just began screaming and groaning over and over again (and not in a sexual way) and it sounded like he was revving up to cause some serious damage to someone. Of course then he started the dramatics again with the scream-as-loud-as-you-possibly-can "Your killing me!!! you're killing me!!! I thought you loved me, but you're killing me!!!".
What a fucking drama queen.
What started to concern me most was the level of escalating hysteria I was hearing. I'm all too familiar with that thanks to The Walrus and Psycho. This man was approaching Psycho levels and that was making me very uncomfortable. That's a place that I never want to go back to again, and this was starting to bring it all back. After about an hour of this we were so pissed off that Q finally called the police. Four of them showed up very quickly (we watched them come in on the lobby channel). Then we heard the knock on Mr & Mrs Drama Queen's door.
Silence.
They knocked again with a forceful (and kinda sexy) "Open the door!!"
Silence again.
The third time was met with a "This is the police, open the door!" That got their attention.
After 10 minutes or so, the police left and we didn't hear another peep for the rest of the night. I'm hoping they got the hint.
Some people may read this and think "oh that poor girl", but I really have no sympathy. We don't get to hear much of her side of the arguments because she doesn't scream as much, but I get the feeling that she isn't Miss Innocent either. Besides, having been in those situations in the past myself, I just don't have the patience anymore. Either break up, seek counseling, or just shut the fuck up and save us all the trouble.
Beat me with that stick daddy!! Ooo I've been a bad boy!!!
Now punish me goddamnit!!!!!
A Tim Horton's glazed chocolate doughnut and a cigarette.
I think I want the doughnut more.
Ya ya I know. Not exciting. 8 more days.
I decided to quit smoking today. It was around this time last year that I did the same thing. I lasted 3 or 4 months and then we went to Vegas. You just can't gamble and drink and not smoke in Vegas. It doesn't work. In fact I think they kick you out if you're caught.
I'm also doing an intense cleansing diet for 10 days to help ward off the nicotine cravings. No caffeine, sugar, wheat, alcohol, dairy and anything else that makes life worth living. You can't concentrate on a cigarette craving when your body is screaming bloody murder for other substances too. My body's already in shock and it's only 9:11am.
God help the poor soul who has the misfortune of pissing me off within the next 10 days.
I came across this vintage doll while scouring ebay. Her name is Tressy. I wonder if she comes with a whip and a ruler to whack your knuckles with. What an absolutely bitchy looking doll. Who would want to play with that? I can just imagine it now:
Little girl: Oh Tressy, you are so beautiful.
Tressy: Shut up and fix my hair. There's a few strands out of place. And pull it back tighter!
Little girl: There, is that better?
Tressy: Now fix my dress. It's crooked and the buttons aren't done up correctly. Am I going to have to make you do times tables little girl, or are you going to pay attention? And who said you could call me by my first name?
Little girl: Yes Miss. Whatever you say Miss. Your buttons are fixed Miss.
Tressy: And look at you!! You're filthy. Go wash up before touching me again. You filthy little pig.
Little Girl: Yes Miss.
Well Cher is officially mine. I just paid $18.00 for a Cher doll that looks like a man in drag.
If anyone can think of anything gayer, please oh please let me know.
Thanks.
A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected:
a half-gallon of 2% milk,
a carton of eggs,
a quart of orange juice,
a head of romaine lettuce,
a 2 lb. can of coffee and
a 1 lb. package of bacon.
As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a
drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of
the cashier. While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk
calmly stated,
"You must be single."
The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was
intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single.
She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly
unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk to
her marital status.
Curiosity getting the better of her, she said "Well, you know
what,you're absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?"
The drunk replied, "Cause you're ugly".
When it comes time for a new project, I tend to scour eBay for 12" dolls that spark my interest. Given the subject of my new work, this Cher doll caught my eye. It started at $0.99 and I bid up to $4.00. It's now up to $4.25 US. Who in the hell could possibly be interested in this as well? Probably another fag.
The auction ends at 5:00pm tomorrow. I'm not sure yet how much I'm willing to pay. But I kinda want it.
These are drafts (or possibly final photos) for my next show. I've decided to call it "You Never Knew." The whole theme of the show will revolve around feelings of being stifled, unheard, and ignored. Something I'm all too familiar with. Imagine a whole room filled with large images like these. I'm thinking really creepy, and hope it turns out that way too.
I just love this new camera. I still can't believe the detail and clarity of the original images.
That's T - as in Tits.
Yes, I was bored and playing with the new camera.
Q bought a new Digital SLR camera and it's absolutely fantastic. I bought a macro lens for it and it's allowed me to do so much more with my photos. I've already got my next set of pictures planned out.
Happy New Year everyone!!
