Mr. Slap Happy

The other night we decided to sit in Tim Horton's while waiting to be outbid on yet another house. The large tea that I had just consumed was starting to work it's way through my system so I headed for the bathroom. I walked in and did a quick check - no one at the urinals and someone in the stall. Fine, just enough privacy to have a quick pee in peace. Then the door opened. A man comes in, walks up to the urinal beside me, unzips and begins to piss.

Now, to the majority of people out there this would be a common occurance. For me, it's a problem. As I've mentioned before I'm pee-shy. Now I was stuck standing at a urinal, my bladder turned off and I couldn't pee. Great, I think to myself, now I look like a bathroom troll because no one else stands at a urinal not peeing unless they're looking for some bathroom lovin'.

So I'm standing there, these thoughts are running through my head, I'm trying desperately to will my bladder to relax (which is not working) and my fellow companion finishes up. I see some movement out of the corner of my eye and think nothing of it figuring that he's doing the shake. Suddenly there's a loud SLAP! I can't help but look over. The guy is slapping his (good-sized) dick down onto the palm of his hand. SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! Then he holds his hand above his penis, palm still up, and wacks his knuckles from below. SLAP! SLAP! SLAP!
Flush. Zip. Wash. Dry. Out the door.

I was stunned. The only other time I've seen a dick smacked like that, it was on someone's face. I left the bathroom, unsuccessful in my attempt relieve myself. As I was walking back to my table I saw Mr. Slap Happy sitting at a table with his wife and 2 kids and had to turn away. All I could picture was him clubbing her across the face with his slab of meat. It was a long time before I could pee after that.