Titty Titty Bang Bang

As Dickey aleady pointed out, the Saturday Night Stag was a blast. Bar A (as he likes to call it) was a lot of fun. Hadn't been there in a number of years and was pleasantly surprised. The straight boys handled themselves quite well for their first time at a gay bar, and even enjoyed themselves. After a number of vodkas I got a little loose-lipped and vaguely remember declaring out loud that "P is really cute - for an accountant," referring to S's friend who joined us for the evening. Well, he was cute.

I sobered up as we left Bar A and headed for Strip Club B. I'd never been to straight strip joint before, and was a little nervous realizing that I was going to be very close to naked vaginas. But I survived. Having been dragged to a few gay strip clubs, I could never understand the appeal. After the straight one, I still don't get it. It's so fake and desperate. The girls on stage looked completely bored, like they were trying to remember their grocery list while dancing:

Hmm... let's see, now I need eggs and milk, grab pole swing, and juice. What should I get this week? Swing. Orange and maybe some lemonade. Crouch jiggle jiggle. Maybe I'll make pork chops, leg up, on Tuesday so I should get some of those, sliiiiide, and hamburger, roll and up. It's always good to hip thrust have boob thrust extra ass thrust hamburger head shake around.

I'm also pretty sure that if any of them fell forward, they'd bounce right back up without their hands touching the floor. The bar also charged $10 for a Corona. We all stopped drinking right around then.

Thankfully, there was much more excitement to be found off stage. Mr Tenty White Pants over to my left kept both Q and I busy for most of the night. He looked like he needed some relief, and we were both willing to help him out. Then S's girlfriend got angry at him for doing absolutely nothing and stormed out. It took about 5 minutes for her friend to realize she'd left. Actually it wasn't until after we interrupted her phone conversation to inform her that she noticed. Then, in a surprise move, girlfriend came back. She was on the phone but stormed up to S, bitched, and when he tried to answer her she walked about 6 feet away and stood there - still on the phone. Great entertainment.

I must confess one thing though. I was naughty naughty naughty and smoked a cigarette or two. Haven't had one or craved one since Sunday morning so I think I'm OK. As long as I don't see any more titties or vaginas, I think I'll be fine.