Weight Watching

I have no idea what to write today. I saw my mother, grandmother and niece fly off to Poland yesterday. They're gone for a month. I would have loved to have gone with them but, well, there is the hou$e and all. Plus they're going to visit family. After a few days I would have wanted to hop on a train and travel, only returning a couple of days before heading back. Maybe next year.

I decided to stick with the gym. They have refilled the paper towel dispensers so you don't have to ask the towel Nazi anymore. I also went for my fitness test. Bad idea. I saw exactly how much I weigh and it's not pretty. Kind of depressing really, considering how much I've gained in the past couple of years. I have to say though, these past couple of years haven't been particularly easy. The past few months have been extremely stressful with house hunting, contractor hunting, and renovation living.

I've also done a lot of soul searching in the past year and have come to terms with a lot of demons from my past. The anger and rage that was constantly simmering just below the surface and would explode at a moment's notice are gone. It may bubble up from time to time, but it's manageable. I've learned to recognize and diffuse it. In fact I'd say that with the help of a fantastic therapist, I'm in the best emotional and mental state I've ever been in. So why is it that when my emotional and mental well being was at rock bottom, my physical self was at it's peak? And now that I'm truly happy, my physical state is the pits? I just can't win. Anyways, I'm hoping that my trip to the gym on Saturday will give me the kick in the ass I need to get back in to shape. The truth hurts.

The last time I put on a lot of weight I was in my early 20's and was with The Walrus. I was extremely unhappy. When we broke up - I mean when I left him and I was no longer chained - I started taking Ecstasy and hitting circuit parties almost every weekend. I'd stay up dancing until 7:00am and not eat anything the next day. E makes your appetite go away - no stomach rumblings or anything. Sometimes I'd make myself eat just because I knew I should. It also dehydrates you like no other. It was the best diet ever - I lost close to 55 pounds that summer, dropping my weight to 175. I had to buy all new clothes because everything fit like a mumu.
Eventually I started working out and brought myself back up to a healthier 200lbs - where I want to be again.

As nice as it is to reminisce, I'm a little more mature now. I've done the big party thing and now I'm in the domesticated stage of my life. I'll just put on my ipod, step on the tredmill, close my eyes and pretend that I'm back at a club, dancing the night away. Gotta remember to keep sipping water so I don't get too dehydrated though.