You Never Knew

Seeing as how I haven't had much time to do anything creative lately, I've given lots of thought to what I want to do. I can't remember if I mentioned it before or not, but I've decided to name my next group of pictures "You Never Knew." My mind works in weird and wonderful ways, and I'm going to attempt to document exactly how this whole project got started.

It began with Goldfrapp's song U Never Know from the Supernature album (get it if you don't have it already). I've always loved music that inspires images in my head, and this song is one of them. I've been interested in stop-motion animation lately and began thinking about how I would use it to make a video for this song. Stay with me here.

The look and feel of it would be very Metropolis-esque. It would center around a mad(??) scientest who creates a female robot on a large table with lots of vacuum tubes and electricity sparking everywhere like in Frankenstein. The purpose of this robot would be to do all his bidding and he'd treat it like a slave. The problem is, this robot falls in love with him. It's either because a) there was a mistake in his programming which inadvertantly instructs her to love him, or b) he sadistically programmed her that way (not sure which yet). He has also programmed her that loving a human is strictly fobidden, so she's terribly conflicted. She loves this man, who treats her like she's nothing, but she's never able to express it to him.

Consequently she longs to be human, and that, for me is reflected in the singing. This is complicated to explain if you haven't heard the song. The chorus has these short, orchestral hits which are replied to with an electronic sounding "ah" a sort of musical call and answer. To me, that's her trying to sing, but she can't. The words and runs in the chorus make her inability that much more apparent, as she can only reply to each with a single note.

Didn't get much farther than that, as far as the story goes, but I think in the end she kills herself or dies in some way (I'm a Gemini, we get so bored with things so easily).

Anyways, that got me thinking about my experiences growing up, and my relationships. I always felt like I wanted to express myself but never could. Communication isn't big in my family. My past boyfriends (except Q) have always been overbearing, controlling, possessive and abusive in some way or another. The worst was with Psycho. With him I was having to endure an emotional rollercoaster, with lots of big ups and big downs. He also became an abusive and violent alcoholic in the latter part of our relationship. I felt trapped. I was too ashamed to tell anyone. I wanted Psycho to know exactly what he was doing to me. I wanted to talk about it with friends but I couldn't.


While mulling this over, my thoughts have expanded out toward all the victims out there who are, or have been, in the same position. Anyone who's been a victim of any sort of abuse, be it physical, mental, emotional or sexual will know exactly what I'm talking about. This new collection is dedicated to me and to them. "You Never Knew" is what I say to the loved ones in my life who would have helped me through those tough times. I know you would have helped me, but you just never knew because I couldn't tell you.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how my brain works.