Mush

Last night we watched the season finale repeat of Grey's Anatomy. Actually, I watched it while Q fell asleep on the couch. I have to admit that I cried a little when Denny died, and I don't make a habit of getting emotional with TV. It was obvious that he was going to go at some point, but it was still a heart wrenching scene nonetheless.

Later, it left me awake in bed, thinking about what I would do if anything ever happened to Q. Would I lie in bed with his dead body like Izzie did? Probably. Would someone have to physically remove me from the bed too? Most likely. I'd be devestated. It would take me a long time to recover, pick up the pieces, and move on with my life. In fact, the only reason why I'd move on is because I'd know that that's what Q would want. I've heard first hand from someone that when you lose a loved one, that pain never goes away. It gets easier as time goes by, but it never, truly, completely goes away. I believe it.

This is new for me. I've never felt this way about anyone before. If any of my other exes had died, I'd probably have been relieved more than anything else. In fact I'm sure that there were times when I wished they were dead so I didn't have to put up with the bullshit anymore. But this is different. Q is so ingrained in my life, and so fulfulling that I simply cannot imagine a world without him.

I used to think all the emotional stuff on TV and in the movies was just over-dramasized fluff, but it's not. There's a grain of truth there, and it's just a question of whether or not you can relate. I guess that's why it's so compelling.