Catch up.

Last night I finally got to see Ed-blrblrblrble for the first time in about 2 years.

Ed and I met the summer that I left Psycho. In fact Ed was unwittingly responsible for my leaving the retarded bastard. But it's not what you think.

Ed was living in Toronto for the summer because of his job. Psycho and I met him during the last part of his stay and we all became friends (not to mention I was extremely attracted to him). Psycho was also drinking a lot during this time, and so was I - but not out of control. We were just regularly frequenting the bars and enjoying the summer. So one Sunday I went out of town to see my folks, and by midday the feelings of dread were setting in. By this point I had an uncanny ability to predict when Psycho was going to go off his rocker well before it would happen - kind of like when you have an old injury and it begins to hurt every time it's going to rain. When I got home that evening the house was empty. I knew right then and there that he was out drinking, would come home completely trashed, and all hell would break loose.

A few hours later the door opens with Ed trying to hold up Psycho as they walked through the door. Psycho was upset. He saw someone at the bar who did or said something or other to hurt his feelings. He started crying and explaining it to me and since it was something ridiculously stupid and he was drunk (which is putting it lightly) I had absolutely no sympathy for him. When he realized that I didn't really give a fuck if someone told him he had bad hair (or whatever it was) the switch went off. The moping turned to rage and he exploded - just as I knew he would. It got scary. The coffee table went flying. I left the house.

What made things different this time around is that Ed was there. Up until this point, no one had ever witnessed the hell that I was repeatedly put through. But Ed saw it. He saw it all. Then a very strange thing happened - so did I. For a brief moment I was able to take myself out of the picture and see the situation through someone else's eyes - for what it really was. I left the house and sat across the street wondering what the hell I should do. The gravity of the situation crushed me. The perfect life that I had built for myself was all a lie. A complete farce. I was living with a demon. Ed followed me out and we talked for a bit and he decided to go back inside to try to calm Psycho down. I told him it was fruitless. A few minutes later he came back out - you can't reason with a madman.

So here I was sitting outside of my house, knowing that I could never go back there but had no where else to go. Out of desperation I turned to Ed, a man that I'd only known for a few weeks, and asked if I could stay with him for the night. I wouldn't have blamed him if he'd said no. I think must people would have gotten themselves as far away from the situation as quickly as possible, and rightly so. But Ed said yes and I stayed the night at his place.

The next day I came home after work and Psycho was hung over and as usual had completely blacked out and had no recollection of what had transpired. As usual I filled him in, he apologized and thought all was well. The next day I went to work, went to the gym, made up my mind, came home, packed my bags and left - much to Psycho's surprise. My friend Jennie had offered me a place to stay a few weeks prior and I decided to take her up on the offer.

In a strange twist of events, Ed called me to see how I was doing as I was walking to my car with suitcase in hand. I told him that I'd just left Psycho. Ed was out eating and drinking with some people and insisted that I join them. I did and I smiled. I smiled the whole drive over there. I smiled the entire time we sat there eating, drinking and chatting. I smiled because I was free.

I didn't end up going to Jennie's that night. I went and stayed with Ed. He was only in town for another week and we spent those last few days together. It was intense experience emotionally, physically and sexually for the both of us. He held me when the implications of what I'd just done, and what I'd put up with for so long came crashing down on me. My world had completely fallen apart (which in itself wasn't a bad thing in retrospect) and this man, who I barely knew, helped me through it all. We stayed close for quite a while after that, even meeting up a couple of times over the years, but eventually began to drift.

It had been almost 2 years since we'd last seen each other and had a real heart to heart talk. I was nervous last night. I've changed and grown up so much since then that I wasn't sure if we'd connect anymore. I'm not the same person he knew. Thankfully that wasn't the case. You know you've got a strong bond with someone when years can go by, but when you see them, it's like it was only yesterday. We had a great night.

When people ask Ed how he knows me, he sometimes tells them that he was sent down one night to be my guardian angel. It sounds corny, but I believe it's true. Without him I wouldn't have seen my situation through his eyes. I wouldn't have had the support I needed to see me through. I may have waited until something really horrible happened before leaving Psycho. I don't believe it was merely a coincidence.

Some things just happen for a reason.