Are You All Alone? (I'm into you)

I sat back today and took a good, long look at my Mirrorball collection. It shocked me. There is such an extreme sense of solitude, isolation and desperation in every single picture. It's not unfounded, but a little jarring to have it staring me right in the face.

• Mirrorball - a lost soul.
• Answerphone - a person with no head, and therefore no voice (in every sense of the word) holding a phone, wanting and waiting desparately to talk to someone. Even though there are 4 people, one is still alone.
• Driving - almost intolerable loneliness. Do I jack off yet again? Or do I just blow myself up and get it over with?
• Five Fathoms - this was inspired by the chorus "I wanna love more, (there's a river in my head)." To me she's weak and desperate to love anyone.
• Temperamental - this one represents all the voices in your head telling you to leave a relationship, yet you're still drawn to the man in black no matter how awful he is.
• Future of the Future - to me she's painted up pretty, but shattered inside.
• Lullaby of Clubland - my take on the loneliness of gay clubbing.
• Mirrorball v2 - lifeless.
• Missing - waiting for that perfect person who's never coming back.
• No Difference - confusion & uncertainty. This is what happens when apathy takes over and you no longer take an interest in your life.
• Only Living Boy in New York - again the club scene. Standing by yourself by the disco ball in room full of people.
• Wrong - self restraint, holding yourself back. Also speaks of my experience of being surrounded by people who, instead of helping, would look right past me if I needed help or was hurting myself.

Come to think of it, the title's ironic in that these are all reflections of me.

Ouch

This is what happens when you go to the Hospital because you have sharp pains where you appendix is and it might need to be removed, and 4 hours later you finally get into a bed and the nurse doesn't know how to take blood properly so when he jabs you with the needle he doesn't get any blood so then he starts moving it back and forth, left and right, up and down as he digs for China in your left arm.

After a grand total of 7 hours in the hospital my appendix was fine, however I did have a bowel obstruction- which wasn't good either. But now I'm good and am on a high fibre diet. I didn't think I'd have Metamucil in my house until I was 80. I'm getting old.

He-Man is gay

There's nothing quite like watching Prince Adam sing 4 Non Blondes.

A Quick pick-me-up

Start your Friday off with some Pizazz!!

Yes, it's safe for work.

Spooky spooky

Phil and I went to see The Exorcism of Emily Dickenson Rose last night. We were both surprised. I didn’t go in with high expectations, but enjoyed the film all the way through. Instead of being an Exorcist rip-off, the story is about the trial of the Priest in charge of the exorcism in which Emily dies, and the struggles of his lawyer. Emily’s story comes out instead as the trial unfolds.

It supposedly is based on a true story about a backwards, god-fearing Christian family in Cornfield Nowhere USA whose oldest daughter goes away to a big city college and gets possessed. Back in the real world, circa 1976, there was a girl in Germany named Anneliese Michel who was the subject of the Catholic Church’s last recognized case of demonic possession and sanctioned exorcism rite. She died and the priest and parents were put on trial for negligent homicide. Umm, a little different, but this is Hollywood. I wonder if Anneliese saw melty faces and ate spiders in her bedroom too?

On a different note, my package arrived in London yesterday and is on its way to Buzzin’ Fly records today! Can’t wait!

Special Delivery

Well, I sent the package off to England this morning. It only cost a mere $140.00. Ouch. Oh well, nothing ventured, nothing gained.

I'm so happy that it's finally finished. Just looking at the collection proves that my work and abilities have really grown over the past year. It turned out so much more interesting than how I'd first imagined it. All the pieces were just supposed to be photographs of the dolls, but when I went to SNAP! earlier in the spring, I saw that a few other artists had jumped on the same bandwagon. Initially it pissed me off because it took away from the uniqueness of my work, but in the end it was the best thing that could have happened. It pushed me even harder to be more creative so that my work still stands out in the crowd. I believe it still does.

As you can tell I'm really excited about it now, and consequently I'm much more motivated and confident to approach galleries.

Wish me luck!

Here's a direct link to the photos if you haven't seen them yet.

Update Sept 20: I've tracked the package and it's left the country!!! I tell ya, I'm like a kid at Christmas.

I Love iTunes

Just got the new Goldfrapp album in the mail. It has COPY CONTROLLED stamped all over it. I popped it into my computer and iTunes gleefully began copying it to my harddrive.

Fuck you RIAA. I'll listen to it whenever and however I want, thank you very much.

Look at me!!

Well I've finally got all the photos up on the web. I still have to update the main page, but it's a pain in the ass and I'll get to it later:

www.jbarrie.com

It's a beautiful Sunday and I've spent the majority of it in my office printing and printing and printing. I also spent yesterday running around getting ink, paper and frames for today, since a lot of art supplies stores aren't open on Sundays. I also spent close to $300.00 and it's probably going to cost around another $100 to ship these overseas. It's frustrating because I just keep shelling out all this money for show after show and I'm not getting much back. I'm confident that one day all this will pay off though, it's just hard to be patient. Aarrgh.

Jerry Springer Quote of the Day

From a toothless stripper:

"You're one of those rednecks who give rednecks a bad name!!"

Finished product

So here are the results of last night. These 3 pieces were ones that I had originally thought were finished, but stil left some nagging feeling in the back of my mind. Now they're officialy done.

Wrong

No Difference

Lullaby of Clubland

Eureka!!

It's almost 2:00 am. I get it. I finally fucking get it. About an hour ago it all made sense to me. I sat down and looked at all the pictures that felt unfinished, unsatisfactory, and didn't quite fit. Suddenly I had this wave of inspiration, a rush of excitement and it all came together. I can't even put into words what makes sense exactly, I just know that I understand. I now know how they all should fit together, like solving a puzzle or something. I'm talking like a madman.

All of these photos have been inspired by songs by Everything But The Girl. Ben Watt, one half of the group, now owns his own record label, Buzzin' Fly. His contact info, including mailing address, is there. Coincidentally he is also going to be spinning in San Francisco while I'm there. I'm going to print everything on 8x10, box it up and mail it to him in England. I don't care how much it costs. I'm also going to enclose a note with a blurb about myself, about my inspiration, and let him know that I will be in S.F. if he'd like to meet. What the hell do I have to lose? Absolutely nothing. Best case scenario, he's impressed by my work, wants to meet, and sends me free tickets to his show. Worst case, I hear nothing back, but am satisfied knowing that I tried and that he knows what kind of effect his music has on people. Being an artist himself, I'm sure he'll appreciate that at least.

I may wake up in the morning wondering what kind of drugs I was on, but it seems like a fabulous idea at the moment.

Goddamn Fags

I went to an art opening on Church St tonight. I hate Church St. I hate the gay scene. Everyone is so unbelievably fake. People only smile and say hi to you because you're in front of their face. Then they're quick to dismiss you and go on their cunty way.

When you're in the scene and seeing the same people all the time, you have all sorts of friends. When you drop out and go on to do something with your life then come back to visit, you're almost shunned. It's pathetic.

And if one more fag walks behind my car as I am backing into a parking spot, I'm just gonna floor it. Seriously. And that goes for the bitches on bicycles who come zooming out of nowhere beside my car as I am pulling out of said spot. I swear I almost took this guy out. There was maybe 2 feet between me and the car beside me, who was letting me in. I pressed on the gas and suddenly he was right there between the cars. He may not know it, but he was a couple of inches away from flying like Superman.

Goddamn fags.

After You've Blown It

I got this from BoingBoing:

Unintentional penis on religious book called "After You've Blown It"
fd says: "The full title of the book is 'After You've Blown It: Reconnecting with God and Others.' The cover art shows what can only be described as a man standing on a gigantic penis in front of puckered lips.

"The publisher, Multnomah, has already changed the cover art on the book, converting the penis into a cliff

"Amazon has updated their cover art when you click 'Search inside this book' but their product page thumbnail still shows the old image."
Link

New Stuff

Just finished a few new pics tonight. The second one I already posted, but now it's reworked. I think I like this one better. It looks a little dark at this resolution, but is better when it's bigger (isn't everything?) Click to enlarge.

The Only Living Boy in New York


Temperamental (I Don't Want You To Love Me)

Good vs Evil

Wanna know why Muslims are bad? Did you know that Mohammed was liar and a pedophile?

Me neither, until I read this informative comic. It's a good thing christians are so good, and they can put their teachings in cute little comics for children to read. If I didn't know better I'd swear it was out of MAD Magazine.

I just love the part where they have to go to the airport.

Screw the bank I work for, screw the bank.

I travel to the States a lot, so I decided that it would be a good idea to get a US dollar VISA.  Last week I went online to my bank’s website and filled out an application and asked for only $2500.  Today I got my reply – I was declined.

I don’t get it. I’ve been with my bank for over 10 years. I even worked for them for 4 years while going to school.  I have a credit card, a student loan, a line of credit (which is at zero), a chequing account and a savings account with cash in it. All my loans are in good standing with no missed payments.  I’ve been at my job for 5 years and make a good amount of money.

However, another bank had absolutely no problem giving me a platinum VISA card last year, and had no problems upgrading it to a Gold Preferred a week ago (I wanted travel insurance after the New Orleans cancellation).  Also, I had no problem getting a loan for my car in the spring.  I also had no problems getting a mortgage when I owned the house with Psycho.

I’m pissed and insulted.  I don’t understand how a bank could treat a good customer that way.  I’m going into my branch tomorrow to have a chat. Basically either they give me the card or I pull everything from them and go across the street to the bank where I have my VISA.  

It doesn’t help the Q just got his US VISA in the mail today and keeps rubbing it in. Bastard.

weekender

Dickey spent the weekend due to Wifey troubles. We had a really great talk on Friday where I told him to ditch the bitch and go back to boys again. OK, no I didn't. I like Wifey a lot and it looks like the time apart is what they needed to figure out how to work on their differences. I was also glad to be able to help.

Went down to my parent's for my dad's 60th birthday party. It was outside with a big firepit, a pig on a spit turning over and open flame, and lots of hicks (ie family). I was unhappy to see that my brother's bitch wife showed up. Excuse the language, but she's an evil, lying, possessive, manipulative, crazy, psychotic cunt. They recently split up (it only took him over 10 years to figure this out) and after years of not attending family functions (since no one likes her) she decided not only to appear, but also stay over with my brother and their kids. She walks in the door and says "surprised to see me?" I fucking hate this bitch. Q made me promise him I'd keep my mouth shut and not ruin the day. I had to settle for evil glares and pretending like she didn't exist instead. Not many people talked to her anyways. I tell you though, the next time I see her, that's it. I'm going to lose it. No one in the family likes her, and no one in my family has the balls to do or say anything about it. I'm not often down at the same time as them, so I don't have much opportunity, but I'm taking it next time. I don't care what family function it is. I don't care if I ruin it. She's going to get a piece of my mind and run out of the house crying her little black heart out if I have my way. Believe me, if you knew the Jerry Springer-esque story, you'd would too.

But enough ranting, we came back later that night to find Dickey had invited a ton of people over for an impromptu orgy. Again, not really, but he did come home pretty drunk though.

The next morning I opened the fridge to grab a container of tuna (the cat's morning treat). Dickey popped his hungover head up from his pillow and says "Can you pour me a glass of that?"

"You want a glass of tuna?"

"Oh I thought you were getting water. "

I got him water anyways. Later on I was thinking that if I should have put a bit of tuna juice in his glass, but that probably would have been too mean.

Then Q and I headed out to look at a cottage. It was a bungalo on 20 acres of land and it was cheap. We were hoping that even if the building wasn't all that hot, at least we'd have a chunk of land to build the log cabin that we really want. Turns out that it was a really crappy bungalo on a small chunk of cleared land that then dropped off into a ravine. No room to build anything. And the place smelled like cat pee - a definite no-no.

We dropped by my parents on the way home to see how they made out. Turns out that at some point the day before some asshole had dropped a cat off on the side of their road and left it there. My parents live out in the country, and this happens all of the time. People seem to think that domestic animals with no survival skills will do fine if you drop them off next to a field. It makes me sick. We didn't see the cat, but she was very friendly and had been around earlier. My mom fed it and even picked it up, which it loved. Turns out the cat was declawed.

WHO IN THE HELL THINKS IT'S OK TO LEAVE A DE-CLAWED CAT OUT IN MIDDLE OF NOWHERE?? HOW IN THE HELL IS IT GOING TO CATCH ANYTHING TO EAT OR CLIMB A TREE TO GET OUT OF DANGER????

MOTHERFUCKER SHOULD BE SHOT.

and that was my weekend.

Weekend

Going to look at another place this weekend. It’s a 2 bedroom bungalow surrounded by 20 acres of land with a river going through the property. Even if the place isn’t exactly what we are looking for, the price is right for the land alone, plus it’s very private. We could build or add on a log cabin at a later date.  I’ll be holding out for the salt water swimming pool one day. Oh, and the hot tub.  And since no one will be able to see (not that I would really care anyways), I’ll be able to swim naked all day.

Dessert Anyone?

Last night I had a dream that Q and I were looking for a french restaurant. I came upon one on a patio somewhere, and thinking that it was what we were looking for, sat down to order. We were looking at the menu, when I realized that it was the wrong place, but before I could say anything, the waitress came over with huge platters of food.

My plate consisted of a huge slab of raw steak, about 4 inches thick, some over-grilled chicken and a large breaded pork chop. I kept wanting to tell the waitress that we needed to leave because we were in the wrong restaurant, but she would look so upset when I began telling her that I'd just stop. Then more raw steak would appear. I was also speaking to her in french, which I don't often do in dreams anymore. Not since finishing school anyways (french immersion). At one point she came over because she wanted me try a french delicacy - Horse Snout, which is promptly placed in front of me.

It was half a horse's head. The bottom jaw had been removed along with everything in line with it so it sat perfectly flat - kind of like how an alligator looks when it's head is resting slightly above water. But it wasn't a real horse's head. It looked like it had been sculpted out of cement and was cartoony with these big, googly eyes. On the nose there was a hollowed out spot where this bright blue jello-looking stuff had been scooped into. I guess that was the "snout" that you were supposed to eat. And to top it all off, the entire thing was encased in a huge cube of clear gelatin.

I woke up shortly after that.

Sometimes I'm very happy to wake up in the morning.

Naughty

Have you ever walked by a bathroom stall and seen a newspaper placed on the floor between a pair of feet?

Have you ever thought of quickly reaching under the door, snatching whatever the hell that person's reading, and bolting out of the bathroom?

What are they going to do? Stand up, wipe their ass, pull their pants up, do up their belt, and then chase you?

I don't know why, but the thought occured to me today.

So what do you listen to?

I got asked the other day what kind of music I listen to.  That’s a rather loaded question, and one not easily answered. I can say that I don’t listen to country, Celine Dion, most adult contemporary, classical (though I do appreciate it), rap, most R&B, reggae, Hip Hop, most (but not all) rock and alternative (though again, I can definitely appreciate the classics), HI NRG Euro dance crap, trance, ambient and 99% of what’s incessantly played on the radio. Sorry Britney, but you’ve never earned a penny from me.

What do I listen to?  Well here’s a sample from my collection:

• Extensive New Order, Pet Shop Boys and Erasure singles, remixes, LP’s and CD’s (I’m gay, remember?)


• Lots of 80’s collections and LP’s from that phase a number of years ago.


• A little Depeche Mode.


• Some disco discs here and there.


• Hed Kandi – still loving house music after all these years


• The Seduction of Claude Debussy by The Art of Noise – an absolutely brilliant disc chronicling and interpreting Debussy’s life and work from an absolutely brilliant band.


• A number of other Dance club compilations.


• Bjork


• Electro CD’s – Miss Kittin, Goldfrapp, Tiga, Benni Benassi, plus a few compilation CD’s


• Mark Almond/Soft Cell


• Everything But the Girl


• A few jazz discs here and there


• Scissor Sisters


• Paul Anka – Rock Swings


• A growing number of Fabric and Fabriclive compilation CD’s. These tend to be on the more obscure side.  Mostly unknown, harsh, dark electro put together by a different DJ every month. They can vary wildly from time to time depending on the DJ.


• Dimitri from Paris


• Brazilectro – I love Brazilian influenced music, even though I can’t understand a word of it.


• Café Del Mar


• Beck


• French electronica along the lines of Air, Rinocerose and Cassius


• The Beautiful South


• Towa Tei (the Japanese guy from Dee- Lite, another favourite)

Now how in the hell do I sum that up for when the next person asks me?

Food for Thought

When deciding to incorporate food into your sexplay, it's best not to use your mother's homemade jam.

As you taste the jam in that naughty place where it's not supposed to be, a mental picture of your mother lovingly mixing fruit and jarring the jam just for you will appear, and you'll recoil in horror at what you've just done.

It kinda breaks the mood.

An Open Letter

Dear Americans,

I’m sorry to say this, but your government has let you down.  The ongoing situation in New Orleans is atrocious. The response from President Bush, the Red Cross, and FEMA has been slow, unorganized, and woefully inadequate.  This is going to turn into something big, which I hope will shake the Bush Administration to the core.

Experts have been predicting this catastrophe since 2001 or earlier. In response, the Army Corps of Engineers asked for $110 million dollars to spend on reinforcing the levees and water systems to help brace for this weather attack. Instead what they received from Bush was $42 million – less than half of the amount they needed. However, Bush had no problems pushing money elsewhere to soothe and ensure his political agenda. This included over $200 million allocated to building a bridge to a remote island in Alaska.  Why this was more important, no one will ever know.

I was watching CNN this morning and the Governor of Louisiana was begging for more troops.  The mayor of New Orleans was furious at the slow, inadequate response. Why is it that when the tsunami hit, the army was able to deploy thousands of troops and drop hundreds of pounds of food within the first 2 days? Why are reporters able to get into the city, but officials claim they cannot?  How can they just leave those poor people at the convention center with no food, water or guards to maintain order?  Why can’t they drop them off some food?  Where are the buses and why aren’t they being escorted out of the major cities to ensure quick deployment, instead of being stuck in 4 hour traffic jams?  Why can’t the president mandate Greyhound and other companies send buses down immediately?  When emergency workers evacuating patients at the Charity Hospital came under sniper attack (that’s another rant right there), why did troops only show up for a few hours?  Why didn’t they stay to ensure that the rest of the evacuation went smoothly?

FEMA is a complete failure. Absolutely useless. If this is what Homeland Security is all about, then I’m frightened.  The reporter on CNN this morning was talking with the organizer of FEMA and was all but attacking him for not sending relief in earlier. She asked him many of the questions stated above. He wouldn’t answer. He just kept saying that they were helping people and that more troops would be in by the end of the weekend.  Her response was “But why now?  It’s Friday!!  Why weren’t they ordered on Monday or Tuesday?”  Of course she got no direct answer and it was clear that she was getting frustrated.  Since Bush came in to power, I’ve come to regard CNN as the sensationalist, Republican propaganda channel. I was shocked to see them attack the government so fiercely.

Things are only going to get worse in the short term. When the dust finally settles, people are going to have to answer some very difficult questions and own up to the grave mistakes they have made. I hope that this will be the time when George W. Bush and his cabinet are finally put through the ringers for making foreign interests their number one priority, instead of their “Homeland.”

My heart goes out to you all.

Never get angry at stupid people

I was going to go on this rant about idiot looters raiding stores for things like stereos and microwaves (umm, and just where are you going to plug those in?), and wonder just what part of "category 5 hurricane", "devastation" and "evacuate now" these people didn't understand.

However, JoeMyGod said it for me. Couldn't have said it better myself.

On another note, the legendary Fats Domino is missing. He stayed behind with his wife and daughter and his agent hasn't heard from him since. Sad, very, very sad - and senseless.