The End

This is it. My final Friday and final weekend as a 20 something year-old. As of Monday I will be 30. I suddenly feel old. I'm also suddenly reeling from all the bitch slaps from everyone over 30 reading this blog. What I mean by feeling old is I don't feel like a kid anymore. You can't be a kid when you're past your 20's. You sure as hell can act like one and look like one, but you can't be one. Know what I mean??

It won't be so bad, really. For the next few months, Q and I will actually be in the same decade. Then he's going to hit the big 4-0. Which always makes me feel a little bit better inside.

I'm mostly glad to leave my 20's behind. They were fucked up, but I think that's the case with most people. I learned a lot about myself during that time. I did a lot of stupid things that I never want to do again, and I did a lot of extremely fun things - that I never want to do again. I learned a lot about sex, and its various kinks, and which of those kinks I enjoyed (ie: almost all I tried).

I learned how to be a victim of someone else's problems. I consequently learned how to stand up for myself - which was something very new. I learned to feel anger, to release it and to act on that emotion. I learned I could be intimidating and actually scare people. I learned what it was like to be scared of your own life.

I traveled to Australia, Costa Rica, Panama, Spain and various parts of the USA. I paid a heavy price, both financially and emotionally for those trips. Yet I don't regret them.

I went to University, worked at Blockbuster, worked as a teller at a bank then moved to internal tech support. I then got a job doing tech support for another company, which ended up being the start of my career. Six years later I'm Head of Technical Services for another company. And by Head of, I mean I'm the only one. It's my responsibility to make sure that all of our client's computers and servers are running, along with doing all the ordering, paperwork etc. Everyone else does programming. I do my work, have the freedom to come and go as I please (within reason) and love it.

I've lost count of how many places I've lived in. I moved up here in '95, lived with my first boyfriend for almost 4 years (most of those against my will). After that I proceeded to move every 18 months or so on average. I lived on my own for a year and hated it. I bought a house with Psycho and he was crazy so it didn't last long. I'm in my apartment for another 10 days and pray to whatever god exists that it will be my last one.

At this point in my life I feel like I'm finally getting my shit together. My relationship with Q is stronger than ever. I've never seen a future with any other guy I've been with. It's always been "good enough for now." With Q it's "this will be great for the rest of my life." Our house is something that we are building together. Never did I imagine that we'd buy a house and renovate the hell out of it, but we have. In doing so we've made it our own. It's truly amazing that we have agreed on absolutely everything related to the house and made all the decisions together (well, some decisions I made and told him about later but he didn't object). We're completely on the same page and have never once argued about anything related to the renovations. Having a competent, skilled, reliable contractor has helped with that too.

In the end turning 30 isnt' so bad. I'm moving into a newer, happier, more stable (I hope) stage of my life. It's like I'm upgrading to Normlr 3.0. I'm sure there will be some bug fixes and enhancements in version 3.1 which is scheduled to be released around this time next year.

In the meantime, as much as I'd like to celebrate and have a huge party, I've got to pack. We are moving next weekend and there's A LOT to do before then. So I'll be having dinner with a few friends on Saturday night and will save the celebrations for our housewarming party - whenever the hell that happens.

Have a great long weekend everyone.

Normlr.