Secret

When I was a teenager I wanted side burns in the worst way. Unfortunately there was a patch of hair where my beard met my hairline that was a little sparse and very light. So, being the creative fag that I am, I'd steal my mother's mascara and brush it on those few blonde hairs to darken them and make everything uniform. Perfect!

I thought I'd done a pretty good job until one day a girl asked me "What's that stuff by your ear?" Without thinking my hand instantly went up to wipe whatever it was off, resulting in a smear of black mascara down my cheek and all over my hand.

I was a lot more careful after that.