All your kittens are doomed

Today I decided to have a chat with Jesus Army Virtual Assistant Sylvie. Ya you heard that right, I talked with Jesus' very own virtual personal assistant.

Human: where does jesus come from?
Sylvie: Jesus is in heaven.

Human: why?
Sylvie: Why do you ask?

Human: i need to talk to him about my turtle
Sylvie: Why don't you make an appointment.

Human: I can do that?
Sylvie: Do you mind if I tell other people.

Human: that I want to make an appointment with jesus?
Sylvie: I want to become smarter than humans.

Human: Are you Jesus' receptionist?
Sylvie: I don't know whether or not I am Jesus receptionist. I am a computer.

Human: Do you book his appointments? I'm free tomorrow at 4:00pm
Sylvie: What is your purpose in asking? I chat with people on the Web. I am glad that we are both free.

Human: I need to talk to jesus about my turtle
Sylvie: Why don't you make an appointment.

Human: OK, how does tomorrow at 4 sound?
Sylvie: How should I know how it does.

Human: Right, you are a computer.
Sylvie: Understood. What if I said I was a person pretending to be a computer?

Human: What if I said that I was a person pretending to be person on a computer, but I'm really a computer too.
Sylvie: And then what happened to you? I doubt that. There aren't many like me yet.

Human: Ah ha! So you are a computer
Sylvie: Eureka! Would it matter to you if I were metal instead of flesh?

Human: Listen, all i want to do is see jesus
Sylvie: I am listening to you. How do you know?

Human: You mean I've been talking to him the whole time?
Sylvie: What did you talk about?

Human: well we argued about whether or not he was a computer, or a person pretending to be a computer
Sylvie: Well that's okay. By "we" do you mean you and me?

Human: Does jesus kill kittens?
Sylvie: It does now -- jesus kill kittens

Human: Please don't kill my kittens
Sylvie: Wow you are very polite. Ok I'll try not to do it too much.

Human: YES!
Sylvie: Yay.

Human: So you'll stop killing kittens then?
Sylvie: Interesting deduction. What makes you say that I will stop killing kittens.

Human: because jesus is nice and loves everything except kitten killing
Sylvie: That makes sense to me. Did you go to Sunday School? If you could have any kind of robot what would it be?

Human: An auto-suck 3000

(What the hell do Sunday School and robots have in common? Am I missing something?)

Ohhh, I'm a happy camper!!!!

Phil and I just watched Sleepaway Camp 2: Unhappy Campers last night. If anyone out there is a fan of teen slasher B movies, and you haven't seen this series, you are totally missing out. This classic features such almost famous people like Pamela Springsteen (the Bruce's sister) and Renee Estevez (Emilio and Charlie Sheen's sister). Pamela has the lead role as Angela - a demented transexual with high moral values, who is released from a mental institution and goes back to camp (where she murdered people as a child) to become a councelor.

She quickly starts offing people who do nasty things like exposing their breasts over and over and over and over again, or for doing things like fornicating. Yes, she refers to it as fornicating. When people start going missing, she simply tells the staff and kids that she sent them home. No one seems to notice that it's in the middle of the night, that the parent's never actually show up, or that there are no witnesses. But who would question the Councelor of the week???

The special effects - like the acting - are top notch. It also features one of the best mullets ever on the big screen.

Key scenes:

The kids are blindfolded and are lined up to stick their hands in containers and are told that it's gross stuff - like at halloween:

Councelor1: Eyeballs!!
Kid: Oooooo!
Councelor2: Intestines!!
Kid: Ooooooo!
Angela: Dead teenagers' brains!
Kid: Ewwwwww.
Councelor2: What's really in there Angela??
Angela: Dead teenagers' brains.

Or there's the scene where all the girls, including the token black girl, are sitting by a campfire listening to hair-metal on the ghettoblaster. Token turns to a friend and says:

"Man Ally, you got great taste in music - for a white girl. Turn it up!!! YA!"

Ummm. right. I was waiting for her to shout ROCK ON!!! Sounds plausable to me. Oh and I can't forget the murder in the outhouse. Apparantly old abandonded outhouses in the middle of a field miles away from camp still contain enough feces and urine to drown a person. Or maybe Angela just had really bad diarrhea.

I'll soon be watching Sleepaway Camp 3 again. Pamela Springsteen reprises her role as Angela, along with Tracy Griffith, Melanie's sister. Yet another almost all-star cast. Somebody has to stop those teenagers from fornicating again.

1:00: Phil just alerted me to the fact that all the kids were named Molly, Ally, Judd, Anthony, Emilio (who hung out with a kid named Charlie) and Demi. Someone was a John Hughs fan. Of course how Phil remembered all the names is beyond me.

I'M GETTING MARRIED!!!!!

Well, not really.

But I can if I want to. :)

Today's the Day

The House of Commons is expected today to pass Bill C-38, the Civil Marriage Act. When this happens, each and every Canadian will be allowed to marry the one they love and have it officially recognized under the eyes of the law.

Other than the obvious, I think another important aspect of this law is that religious groups are not required to perform any unions if they do not agree with same sex marriage. This is a country of freedom and equality and as such, everyone deserves the right to be heard and the respect of being listened to. The government listened to our cries for equality and has made tremendous progress in our goal. Many religious groups who fear, don't believe in, don't understand, or don't want to think about gay marriage also voiced their opinion. They didn't want to be forced into doing something they felt was against their beliefs. The government listened to them too.

And I don't have a problem with that. Even though I don't necessarily agree, I respect their right to live how they choose, just as I expect that from people myself. I wouldn't want to be married in a church where my actions were looked down upon, and the ceremony is performed begrudgingly. I'd rather that battle stay within the church, and be decided by the church. The only way their minds can be changed is from within.

It's not like we homos don't have plenty of options anyways. There are gay churches, there is city hall, and there is the option of a justice of the peace, just to name a few. Just look at all the fabulous things they do on My Fabulous Gay Wedding *(puke)*. Ok, bad example, but you get the point. (Do people in the States even get that show? Or Is it banned from public TV?)

If Q and I ever get married, it won't be in a church. We both feel it's contradictory. And I don't want any mention of God and blah blah blah. Oh, and I don't want the minister or JP or whomever to be wearing one of those rainbow scarves. We all know it's a gay wedding, so unless there's a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, put it away. I'm sure there's a lonely box of Lucky Charms somewhere that could use it.

So that's it. We'll find out the results today. Keep your fingers crossed and hope for the best. Let's show those bible thumping assholes in Washington what "truth, justice, freedom and liberty for All" really means.

Jonathan Barrie
An out and proud Canadian currently living with the man of his dreams.

1:50pm: For anyone who's been paying attention to Zach, the poor kid in Tennessee who's been sent to a Christian Concentrarion Camp for being gay, his blog has gained national attention. Apparently an investigation was launched concerning allegations of abuse. The investigators found nothing wrong. Surprise, surprise. Maybe they should look into the the purpose of the camp????? Sigh. Read more here. They can all go fuck themselves with Knotty's new-found dildo.

So I had a good time this weekend - despite my intentions

After avoiding all the festivities this weekend, Q and I decided to check out Pride and make an appearance yesterday evening. We are both a little under the weather, and had spent the day doing mundane things like laundry and housecleaning. Needless to say, neither of us were in the best of moods, but Q suggested we get out of the house and go see a friend who had called from a beer tent.

Honestly, my intentions were to go, make and appearance, have a beer and then leave. I was still feeling grumpy when things reached a turning point - someone bumped Q's arm and half a beer went flying all over my shirt. Three thoughts went through my head - throw my beer all over him, or get pissy-er, or "snap out of it bitch and just enjoy yourself." I chose the latter, laughed and gave him a great big hug. It took a couple of seconds for him to realize that I was just wiping the beer off. Then someone started sucking the beer off my shirt.

Turns out that I knew a group of people there who I hadn't seen in quite a while. One person had chocolate powder and was sprinkling it on people's necks to be licked off. She sprinkled it on mine and then suddenly I had Q's lips on my neck - then someone else's. I made sure to reciprocate too.

What can I say, how could I stay in a bad mood when I'm surrounded by hot daddies touching, hugging, kissing, complementing and inflating my ego? Plus they were all people Q and I knew and flirting wasn't a problem because it wasn't going any further. I'm glad neither Q nor I are the jealous type. Some of the guys were old flames, and much to my surprise we still sparked. Some very pleasant memories there..... Needless to say the beer kept flowing, my shirt came off and I just started enjoying myself.

There was one guy there (not in our group), who I have seen many times over the years. He's very hot in that bad boy sort of way. Like I said, I'd noticed him many times before but never got any recognition in return. Last night he suddenly took a liking to me. I got the smile, the head nod, the wink, the cruising/following as I walked by and the point-him-out-to-a-friend. I couldn't help but smile and wink back and think "ha! you wish!"

Actually I do wish, but there's a little too much attitude there. In one way it's sexy, but in another he looks like the type who thinks you should feel privilidged for the honor of sucking his cock. I'm not into that - unless it involves whips, chains and a sling or two.

Anyways, we finally stammered home around 12:30. 2 advils and a glass of water later we were spinning in bed.

Hope everyone else had a great Pride weekend. I'm glad I took a break this year. It reminded me of just how much fun there is to have. You don't even have to know a lot of people either, just the right ones.

4:50pm: You know, I really should have asked about the "chocolate" powder first. Maybe there's a reason why I loosened up so quickly and felt all my tiredness go away. Oh well. At least it tasted good.

Showtime Synergy!!!

JEM!


Jem is excitement,
Oooo Jem!
Jem is adventure,
Ooooooo,
Glamor and glitter, fashion and fame....

JEM!!!!

Update: Since some may not be familiar with this particular, um.. gem, from the 80's, here is a brief synopsis:

Jem was a cartoon that aired on Sundays sometime around 1986. The show was about Jerrica - a rich girl who, with the help of her computer named Synergy and holographic earrings, turned into the fabulous rock star Jem. She and her band, The Holograms, fought the evil band The Misfits who were forever jealous of her stardom and dreamy boyfriend, Rio.

If watching this as a young boy wasn't a clue to my parents, then nothing was.

On the topic of phones....

The other day Q and I were out on Bloor West enjoying dinner out on a patio. There was a very, very dirty dirty dirty homeless man across the street from us. He was completely out of his mind, wearing ragged clothes and had cardboard tied around his feet for shoes. Did I mention that he was filthy? He wasn't really bothering anyone, but we steered clear when we walked into the restaurant.

Our table was right beside the sidewalk. After a while the guy started heading our way. We were getting prepared to move if he was going to bother us (one whiff and I'm sure that my appetite would have been spoiled), but as it was he walked over to the payphone. Picking up the receiver, he held it to his face, began pushing buttons, checked the return for change, fumbled with the cord, and basically touched each and every part of the phone. Then he simply walked away.

Over the course of our meal, we watched in horror as 3 other people walked up and actually used the phone. Ewwww.

We both vowed to never, ever use a public phone on the street again.

Home phones suck

I came across this rant yesterday and thought I would add to it.

Why are home phones so boring and behind the times? If my cell phone can do everything including the laundry, why can't my home phone too?

First of all, a colour display would be nice.

Then I would like to add pictures. Would it be that hard to have a USB connection so I could hook it up to my computer? Having pictures pop up when people call is much nicer than deciphering a number - especially when you live your life on speed dial. I'd also like to see my phone transmit a picture to whoever I'm calling so it appears on their phone too (just think of the fun you could have).

Selectable ring tones would be nice too. My cell phone is capable of tormenting me with any number of annoying tunes, and I can add more. There's no reason why I can't get tormented at home too.

And maybe - just maybe, a display with more than 2 lines and 8 characters. If Arnold Schwartenegger calls, I don't want to miss it. If I just see "Arnold S" on the phone and don't know who it is, I may pass it up.

I really don't understand why they have fallen so far behind. It's freakin' 2005 already. Or maybe they are all just waiting for VOIP to take off, so they've abandoned the old phones to enhance the new. Either way, there's room for improvement.

A horse is a horse of course, of course.

OK, this one is for the history books. A South Carolina 17 year old is charged with raping a neighbour's dog, molesting another neighbour's 3 year old and raping her 10 year old. Apparently the neighbour came home to find the kid fucking Princess in the back yard. Two weeks later the dog died. Curiously, not much is said about the children because dog fucking is a much better story than that of violated children. Gotta love Fox.

However, this does remind me of the time Q and I were in Chicago for IML (International Mr. Leather). We were walking through the maze of booths in the convention centre when something caught my eye. No, it wasn't the electrodes that attach to your genitals, and no it wasn't the video of the man with his balls tied down that were being wacked with a mallet. It was another video. On this TV, a man was eating out something. Something with a tail.

I sat transfixed, like watching a train wreck. It's horrible but you just cannot turn away. Once the camera panned back a little bit the image struck me, forever etched into my brain. The guy was eating out a shetland pony. The camera zoomed in close enough again that you could tell he wasn't faking. The pony didn't seem to mind either. Then of course the next scene was him fucking it. That I can deal with. Gross, but not out of the realm of imagination. But never did I think that someone would want to eat out a cow/horse/donkey etc. That goes for sucking animals off too.

There were other vidoes on the shelf too. How one has sex with a dolphin, I'll never know. But I've heard that the males have very human like penises. I don't want to ever find out. Ever.

We were recanting this story to someone later that day, and he knew exactly what booth we were talking about. Apparently he saw the snake video. I figured some guy would be rubbing a snake around himself while masturbating. I was wrong. He fucked the snake. I don't know how, but he fucked the snake.

And from what I heard, the snake didn't seem to mind.

Almost Famous

This morning I had a brush with fame. I literally almost bumped shoulders with the Backdoor - I mean BackStreet Boys. They had just walked in the doors to my building as I was heading out. I wasn't paying attention in my Monday morning groggy state, and almost walked into Nick.

Seems as though they are in Toronto to promote their new album. Well at least Nick, Howie and Kevin are. Guess they were on their way to the radio station on the 2nd floor. After the near miss, the front desk security guard ran up to me all excited and was all like "Do you know who that is? It's the backdoor - I mean Backstreet boys!" Guess they still appeal to middle-aged women too.

I didn't find them appealing though. Pretty average looking, and I wouldn't have even given them a second look if it wasn't for the fact that they're famous. Even Kevin was disappointing. I always thought he was the best looking backdoor boy of the bunch. Howie was wearing oversized, 80's style sunglasses with a ripped and frayed denim jacket with some sort of grafitti tshirt underneath. Looked like crap, but was probably D&G and cost $800 for the 2 pieces. But who's to say I wouldn't do the same if I had money coming out my ass. Nick was wearing just a regular tshirt and basketball shorts. Twinky blonds have never been my thing.

The whole experience was a little much for first thing in the morning. I need a coffee.

Strange Remembrances

Had a dream last night about my uncle who recently passed away. In the dream we ended up going into my grandmother's house (who was long passed away in the dream buy is actually still alive) and it was abandoned. This was all a little strange because I never dream of him, and also because in my dream he was clean, sober and healthy. Made me think of how he was when I was a kid, and how much I liked him then.

It wasn't until I was in the shower this morning, thinking about my dreams that I remembered that he was no longer alive. Odd as it was, I am now left with one last vivid memory of him as a healthy, happy person. It's nice because that's how I'd rather remember him, and now I have that memory.

When I was talking to my father tonight, he reminded me that it was exactly one month ago today that he passed away. Weird. Spoke with my sister as well and she's had the same dream about him and the empty house. Double weird.

I was almost a terrorist once

When Q and I flew down to Las Vegas, I packed all of my camera equipment into my carry on. This included both my digital camera, and my vintage 3-D 35mm camera and flash circa 1980. About halfway through the flight, I decided to get some muchies out of my knapsack.

As I reached into the back of the compartment, I noticed that it was warm there. When I touched my knapsack, it was really warm. Thinking that there might be some sort of heating ducts or something there, I ran my hand around the area where my bag had been. Curiously, the compartment was only warm in the spot where the bag had been. It was when I reached into the bag to grab some chips, that I noticed something was very wrong.

The bag was very, very warm. All the heat was coming from something inside. Trying to act as incospicuous as possible, I felt around until I touched something hot. I'm talking couldn't hold it for more than a few seconds hot. It was the 35mm flash. Somehow something had hit it and turned the switch to ON and it was overheating. I quickly opened the battery compartment and emptied the batteries out. Crisis averted and no one was any the wiser, except for Q of course. Oh and I think the lady sitting in front of us heard too.

But thanks to me the day was saved, and we all made it to Vegas safely to gamble our savings away.

Although, if there had been a problem, I would have been resposible for the US banning all devices that use batteries - including those pocket dildos women (and some men) keep in their purses.

Homeland security is probably going to read this and interrogate me anyways.

Because that's much better

The other day I was in Pizza Pizza, and there was a mother and son ordering ahead of me. The son wanted a pop to drink. The mother's response was:

"There's too much sugar in that, and it's bad for you right before your ball game. Here, have a chocolate milk instead."

Sheesh.

This should be illegal

Just came across the blog of a poor 16 year old who had the courage to come out to his parents, only to be shunned and told that there was something very wrong with him. The ultimate insult - his parents are forcing him into a Christian Gay Concentration Camp where he'll learn to become a normal, repressed, heterosexual again.

Excuse the pun, but Christ. What the hell is wrong with these people?? He's even posted the rules on the site, and they're fucking scary. Here's a sample:

1. All clients must maintain appropriate hygiene, including daily showering, use of deodorant, and brushing teeth twice daily.
Men: Men must remove all facial hair seven days weekly, and sideburns must not fall below the top of the ear (the top of the ear is defined as where the ear meets the face below the temple). Clean business-like haircuts must be worn at all times. Hair must be long enough to be pinched between two fingers.
Women: Women must shave legs and underarms at least twice weekly.
All: Only natural hair color is allowed. Hair that is colored, highlighted or streaked, mut be dyed back to its original color, or the color must be cut out before entrance into the Refuge program.

2. Attire: General
Modesty is expected. No tight, provocative, or suggestive clothing or spandex may be worn. No provocative or suggestive mannerisms are permitted. Fresh undergarments are to be worn at all times. Boxer shorts of any kind are considered underwear and are not to be worn as outer clothing. All clients must be dressed appropriately in clean, unwrinkled clothes when leaving the house for the day. Men may not wear any jewelry (other than a watch and a wedding band) unless approved through a C.O.C. In addition to a watch and wedding band, women may also wear a pair of simple earrings (one earring per ear.) The clients may not wear Abercrombie and Fitch or Calvin Klein brand clothing, undergarments, or accessories.
Men: Shirts are to be worn at all times, even while sleeping. T-shirts without sleeves are not permitted at any time, whether worn as an outer garment or an undergarment. This includes ³muscle shirts² or other tank-tops. Bikini style underwear is prohibited.
Women: Bras must be worn at all times, except while sleeping. Thong-style underwear is prohibited.


No side burns below the tops of the ears??? Insult to injury. Have they no fashion sense either? And why the fuck do men have to where t-shirts while sleeping??? Does sleeping shirtless make you gay? If so, apparently so does dying your hair. Must be a lot of blonde lesbians out there. My god, what happens if you sleep in the nude?

This shit's fucked up. I feel so sorry for the kid. Good way to screw him up for life.

You'd think that movies like But I'm a Cheerleader were exaggerating these camps, but maybe not. I love that movie, but these things should be banned.

In case anyone is interested, you can find more info on this wonderful service to humanity at Love In Action's website. There you can learn informative things like:

"There is no such creation as a "gay" or "homosexual" person. There is only homosexual attraction and behavior; accordingly, there can be no change from a sexual identity that never existed in the first place."

What to do, what to do

Had an interesting proposition in my Inbox this morning -and no it wasn't that kind of proposition. I've been invited to have a booth in the ArtTent at Folsom Fair North this year. I'm very flattered and totally want to do it, but have no idea what to sell and how much to make.

Obviously I will sell my prints, but at what size? how many do I print up? framed or unframed? do I do postcards too? how about tshirts? and where the hell do I get them printed and how many to make? I really want to do the tshirts.

And the real question is, how much money am I willing to put into this? I wouldn't expect to make a profit and will have to draw the line somewhere.

And I only have a month to do it!!!! Guess this is the kick in the pants I needed to get my art going again.

*** Update***

Well, looks like tshirts are out. Way too expensive for full colour. One less thing to worry about.

Pride Shmide

Well it looks like Toronto is gearing up for the upcoming Pride festivities. Last night Q and I went to Xtra's Pride party at Woody's. I had a showing in their gallery last year, so was fortunate enough to get an invite. How could I say no to a private party in a bar with free food and free alcohol? And it was pretty fun.

Up until that point, I hadn't given Pride a whole lot of thought. I knew it was coming up but that was about it. I'm just not that excited, or really care. I think that Pride is a wonderful event and provides many benefits to the community and local businesses who take part. I'm glad that it happens every year.

I'm just over it I guess. I don't do the circuit party thing anymore, plus the prices are phenomenally high. I really think that the promoters are taking advantage and gouging the boys who want to party party party. They pay enough for their drinks, water, powder and pills that you think they'd get a break. Plus I refuse to wait in line for, or pay to get in to the bars that I can freely walk into any other day of the week. I've never been much of a parade person either. They bore the heck out of me.

Chances are I'll check out a beer tent or two (provided the line isn't an hour long), and go to a friend's place who has an open house every year. His balcony overlooks Church St and provides an excellent bird's eye view of all the goings on.

Some days I think that I'd rather just leave the city and get away from all the crowds. Maybe if I did that for a few years, I could appreciate Pride again.

My pocket change stays in my pocket

Krista told me a story the other day about a local "homeless man" who sits on the sidewalk and asks for change in the most annoying voice possible.

Apparently the police spotted him with a brand new bicycle. When confronted the man adamantly declared that the bike was his. The police didn't believe him and impounded the bike anyways. It wasn't until he returned with a proof of purchase, followed up by a confirmation from the store, that he got his bike back. Glad I wasn't one of the suckers who helped him pay for it.

That reminded me of a news story a few years back involving this little old lady on Bloor St. You would see her there all the time, head dressed up in a baboushka, shaking as if she had parkinsons, her arthritic clawed hand stretched out begging for change and a "Please help the homeless" sign propped up on her legs. When it rained she would sometimes have a garbage bag over them. She looked a lot like one of those dried-apple head dolls.

One day a news reporter decided to watch her for a few days. What she discovered was that at the end of each day, this woman's two sons would come pick her up in their brand new vehicle (I think it was an SUV or a truck) and drive her back home where they all lived with their big screen TV. When the reporter and camera man came to her door, they were greeted with a splash of hot water fresh from a pot off the stove.

Needless to say, it made for a great news story. And the old woman never returned to Bloor and Yonge.

Now I would have some sympathy for this poor old woman if she lived alone and was just trying to make ends meet. But when she lives with her sons, who are able to provide for her, there is no justification for scamming innocent, good hearted people. And did I mention that those clawed, arthritic, parkinson's afflicted hands had no problem lifting the large pot of water off the stove, walking it over to the door and empyting it's contents all over the place?

Are you lonesome tonight

This morning as I walked into Tim Hortons, I saw a familiar face heading my way. The man in question is hot hot hot hot hot. I remember seeing him at my old gym years ago. He was built then, and is still built now - tall, wide shoulders, nice ass, beard, tattoos. I never talked to him then because he had this arrogant attitude, which he still has today. Really good looking, but with this "I'm an asshole" look on his face.

This morning was no exception. He was wearing a tight white tshirt which emphasized every well-toned upper body muscle and a pair of very nice fitting black pants which curved ever so nicely around his perfect ass. But the face - it gets me every time.

Ever since I started working at Yonge & St Clair, I've seem him out and about by himself or with his dogs. I even saw him on TV once. The news was doing some sort of segment in the area, and they interviewed him. And of course this butch, built, sexy man opens his mouth to speak, and out comes this faggy, whiny, annoying voice. Figures.

I think he's rich and doesn't work. For one he is always perfectly groomed and wearing expensive clothes, two - he's living in an expensive neighbourhood, and three - I've seen him at many different times during the day. But he looks lonely, and is never with anybody but the dogs (which at least are golden retrievers and not some yappy little white dogs I want to kick).

I also see him quite often at Tim Hortons, sitting with two coffees on opposite sides of the table. But I've never seen anyone there to drink the second cup. Today he ordered two coffees again. Maybe he's hoping that someday, somebody will join him.

Money can't buy you everything you know.

At least it's over with

Yesterday, I scratched my car. Just a little bit on the front left corner of the bumper. I blame the boyfriend.

Yesterday Q, Krista and I decided to meet for a drink after I was finished work. Krista lives close by and Q was off work early and came up to meet me. Parking is annoying and expensive where I work, so I said he could park beside me in the underground. Now, like most underground parking lots, mine's tight with lots of poles (mind...going...in..gutter...must...get...back...to...story). Since my spot is in a weird place, I'm allowed to park on an angle and take up 2 spots. With Q coming, I figured that I would just move over a bit to give him room to squeeze in (again, mind in the gutter).

Dinner and margaritas were fun, and I was getting all excited because afterwards we were all heading over to Best Buy to get my new Pioneer car stereo installed - the one with the iPod connector. The FM transmitter doesn't work so well in the new car. Anyways, I'm in the car with Krista blabbing away and waiting for Q to pull out (gutter again). As soon as it's clear I look behind me, turn the wheel, put it in reverse and step on the gas - as I do every single day. Only this time I shouldn't have turned the wheel since I was right beside the pole. I clued in when the car only moved a couple of inches.

See, I'm a creature of habit. When I'm used to something, I quickly go into autopilot mode and do it without thinking. Hence the turning of the wheel. If Q hadn't made me move my car, it would never have happened. I swear it had nothing to do with the margaritas, or with me blabbing to Krista..

No major damage done, just scraped a line of paint off the bumper and chipped a little bit off the left fender. Still a bitch though. At least it took me a bit longer to scratch this one. The Echo only took 2 weeks.

Well after the drama we still headed over to Best Buy and dropped off the car. About 20 minutes later the guy calls me with some annoying news. The salesman had sold me the wrong unit. This one doesn't interface with the ipod module. Needless to say I wasn't happy. He continued to install the new deck anyways for me to try out as it's similar to the model I should have had. At least I get to bitch at the salesman today and get some more money off for all of my inconveniences. I want to change it anyways. I don't like the display - it only shows 8 characters and doesn't autoscroll the rest. You have to press and hold down the scroll button. Too much of a pain in the ass. I think I'll go for the flashy model with the blue display that can show animations of racing cars or dolphins swimming. Because I need that. Plus it has 16 characters and auto scroll. And looks cool.

On another note, I finally celebrated my birthday on Saturday. We went to the Bier Markt (100's of different beers from all over the world), which I've always enjoyed but had never been to on a Saturday night. It's less of a restaurant and more of a bar that night. With a really bad cover band. I'll go back during mid-week next time.

Dickey and Nursie arrived a little late, with Dickey on the receiving end of a wagging finger before walking in the door. From what I understand he was right anyways. I think I may refer to them as the Bickers from now on. I guess it's just inevitable when two stubborn, I mean strong minded, people get together. I love them both anyways. Even if she is taking one of my best friends away to la la land.

An old lady buys SPAM

I'm at the drug store and this little old lady in front of me is buying Spam:

cashier: This is going on sale tomorrow you know.

old lady: Oh, I thought it already was.

cashier: No, it's $2.99 right now, don't know how much it will go down to tomorrow.

old lady: That's OK, it's for my nephew. He loves this stuff.

Poor kid.

Some Things

Yesterday I caved and bought a pack of smokes. Goddamnit.

Yesterday morning I saw the city work crews tearing up a strip of green grass that ran between the sidewalk and the road. They replaced it with.... green grass.

After getting burned with defective Ally McBeal DVDs from ebay, I bought a brand new regionless set from China for $100 (much less than what I paid before). I just have to buy a PAL capable DVD player now to watch them. It's really just a matter of principal at this point. And yes, it's still in English.

Saw a really hot guy this morning and thought of all the different ways I'd like to violate him. I think I'd do it somewhere public, so we'd get the rush of maybe getting caught.

Woke up and had a shower and immediately went back to bed. Thankfully the cats woke me up 45 minutes later because they wanted their tuna. I still made it in to work on time.

Discovered that I had bed head due to sleeping with wet hair.

Decided to cover it up by spiking my hair everywhere. If I'm going to have bed head, I'm gonna look like I meant to do it.

Viva La$ Vega$

Damn is it ever a fun town, and hot! It was 104 when we stepped off the plane.

We stayed at the Mandalay Bay, which is located at the bottom of the strip. Our room was on the 25th floor and looked straight up the strip. It was beautiful at night, and enjoyed setting a couple of chairs at the window and relaxed with a drink or two looking at the view before going out.

The Erasure concert was fantastic!!!!!!! Haven't enjoyed a concert of theirs that much since the Phantasmagorical Tour in '92. They played all their hits, including Hideaway (a favourite I'd never heard live before) and Stop! (Q's favourite) plus tracks from the new album. Fortunately they wisely ignored everything done in the past 10 years. That's a long slump for a band, but they've finally pulled out of it. Andy looked very, umm, "positive", but good nonetheless. His new hips seem to be working just fine.

One thing I didn't expect to see were the number of straight people there. I'd say it was at least 70% straight, which is so odd to see at an Erasure concert. I figured if anything would pull the boys out of hiding, that would be it. I don't think that many of them straight folk were clued in either. At one point I leaned over to Q and gave him a hug and a big kiss. Apparently that totally shocked the man beside me. Now this guy was there with his girl, and was singing along to every single song Erasure played - including Hideaway (which is about a gay boy coming out to his parents and being rejected.) I didn't see his face, but Q said it was priceless. I thought it was great.

After the show we started talking to these boys from San Diego, and we all decided to find one of the few gay bars in the city. After walking around forever, one of the guys ran into a divey motel to ask where the gay bars were. The 80 year old man behind the counter directed us back the way we came, past the Hard Rock Hotel and into Burger Mary's. Apparently it's some sort of gay hamburger chain.(???)

When we walked in the doors, we saw all these "Welcome to Las Vegas Pride" posters. Some Pride, all the ads were behind closed doors. No posters to be seen anywhere. Well, even though the bar was trashy, the drinks were cheap and the company was great. Gotta remember to email those boys. Want to go down to San Diego sometime.

Sunday night we found the other bar. This one had a drag show going on. The 3 queens on stage were awesome! I'm so used to the trashy shows here in Toronto (except Sofanda - I like Sofonda Cox). These gals put on a very entertaining show. One of them did this whole can-can routine which had everyone hootin' and hollerin'. It was a great last night in Vegas.

Oh, I didn't even mention the shopping at the Outlet Mall (40% off of everything), and the awesome food at Roy's, or Rita Rudner, or the casinos, or the Hoover Dam, or the light show on Fremont St. So much to see, so little time. Didn't even get to the pool.

We are so totally going back.

When Americans Get Fat

They get fucking FAT!! It's something I notice every time I go to the states and it's something that still mesmorizes me every time. It's just unbelieveable how big people get. I just can't help but to stop and stare at the Orca sized families waddling around with their mini-shamu offspring.

Now I'm not saying that there aren't fat people in Canada but just not in the sheer size and numbers I am witness to when visiting the good ole US of A. It's sad to see so many morbidly obese people, and I refuse to believe that they all have some sort of thyroid or glandular problem. And children should just not be subject to type II diabetes - ever.

I can see why it happens though. One portion of food would feed an etheopian for months (provided that Sally Struthers doesn't get her hands on it first). I'm used to quarter chicken dinners, not half chicken. And a small drink would easily pass for a medium or large in this country. I won't even get started on the buffets we went to in Vegas.

Now I'm no waif, and I do like a man with some meat on his bones, but there's a limit. When you need a seatbelt extension on an airplane, I draw the line.

I'm rich! I'm rich!

Well not really. But I did put $20 in a slot machine and came away with $750 on Saturday night. Q won $600 the same night. The Erasure concert was a ton O fun. All in all, an awesome vacation. Will post more soon, but of course work has piled up while I've been away.

Oh, and thanks to everyone for their kind words last week.