Psycho Neighbours

I like to read Bill In Exile from time to time. I found this great story on some wacky neigbours he's had:

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3

Snippets

While waiting in line for my tea this morning, I overheard the conversation of the 2 men in front of me discussing the devistation in New Orleans:

"I wonder if Canada is going to send down a care package?"

"Why would they do that? The States doesn't need it."

"Really? I just thought that with all of the destuction caused by the tsunami and all the help that went there, that countries would do the same for New Orleans."

"Nah, the States doesn't need anything like that. They've got enough money to take care of themselves."

I found this very interesting, and am left wondering if anyone will come to their aid. I don't think many will. The USA comes across as a power hungry, rich country that is strong enough to spend billions of dollars on a long, drawn out, botched-up war, so why should they need money? Not to mention the scores of countries that they've pissed off over the years probably aren't too keen to help either.

The truth is, the country is bleeding money out GWB's halo-ringed ass. New Orleans, Mobile, Biloxi and all the other storm ravaged cities in between need all the help they can get. I hope it comes. There can never be too many bottles of water, boxes of food, blankets and clothes for all the people left homeless in the aftermath. I saw an interview this morning with a man who lost his wife. They and their 2 children were on the roof of the house when the waters split it in half. The man was holding on to his wife's hand, and the last thing she said was "You can't hold me much longer. Take care of the children" and then she was gone. Heart wrenching. Those kids deserve a chance at life and I hope Canada plays a part in making that happen.

No getaways yet

Went to look at the cabin on the weekend. Didn't like it. The kitchen (which was in the pictures) was nice, but the rest was just OK. We'd have to make a lot of changes to make it what we want, and it's just not worth it.

Our agent also did some digging into the other cabin that sold during the week (the nice snow covered one in the pictures). She noticed that it had been sold quite a few times over the past 10 years. Apparently it was once used as a grow-op, but was not disclosed in the listings anywhere (as it is legally supposed to be). Once a place is used as a grow-op, it's almost impossible to get it back to a decent state. You will forever have mold problems if nothing else. So we are still on the hunt.

On another note, Q and I just booked a flight and hotel last week for Halloween in New Orleans. If the hurricane does anything close to the damage that they are predicting, then I don't think we'll be going. Time to call our travel agent.... Things could be worse though, we could actually be there or living there right now. I feel terrible for the people in that area. It's going to be rough once the storm is done.

Thirsty?

As Dickey posted today, he and I went out for a much needed night of drinking, smoking, eating and shooting the shit. I found it really hard to concentrate because of the hot guy sitting at the table next to us. Mr. Beefy was sitting across from me wearing a very nice pair of well fitting jeans and slouched down in his chair with his legs spread wide open. This gave me a runway view all the way up his crotch and revealing that he hangs to the right. Good thing I was wearing sunglasses so I could keep sneaking glances. Maybe the sunglasses protected him from my eyes burning a hole all the way through is undies to that yummy looking package just begging to be opened. Phew.

Then there were the girls beside us, eavesdropping on our conversation. We were talking smut, which prompted us to talk more smut when we realized they were listening, when I was reminded of a story from a trip I took to Chicago with Mr. Man a few years ago.

Before I begin, I have to say that I'm pee-shy. Can't do it. Can't pee in public. Can't pee if there is someone right next to me at the urinal. I'm a pee-in-the-stall kind of guy. Well, until I've had a few drinks, then maybe the urinal is an option. This is very odd considering I have no problems whipping it out in public for any other purposes. Having sex in public places is a huge turn on for me and presents no problems, but peeing - uh uh. I don't get it either.

So Mr. Man and I are in the Black Eagle in Chicago. For those not in the know, Black Eagle bars tend to be for the leather/denim/bear crowd. Usually people with a leather fetish also have many others as well. While drinking my beer, I noticed a really cute guy there. I kept stealing glances and eyeing him up, but wasn't interested in starting anything. It was just nice eye candy. Eventually the beer caught up with me and I had to pee.

The bathroom was empty, so I made my way over to the urinal. All of the sudden, out of nowhere, Cute Guy appears right next to me:

"Can I drink your piss?"

"What?"

"I want to drink your hot piss."

Now I'm up for trying anything (within reason that is) and I really would have done it, but I dried up -instantly.

"I'm sorry, but I don't think so."

"You sure?"

"Uh, ya. Thanks"

So Cute Guy left, I was all alone and finally able to pee again. As I walked out another guy approached me. I guess he must have followed Cute Guy in and witnessed the conversation.

"You handled that really well man."

"I'm sorry?"

"Back there, in the bathroom. You handled that really well. You let him down easy and no one's feelings were hurt. That was very nice of you."

"Uh, thanks."

I made my wat back to Mr. Man, and I think we left shorty after that. We did check out the back room though - but they had a light on. They really shouldn't leave lights on in back rooms. You can see what's there. Ewww.

Strangly enough, that isn't the first time I've been let down by my problem. Another time I was at a big gay something or other, and there was a master and slave in the bathroom. The slave was wearing all PVC (including gimp mask) and he had on these big rubber boots. The master was asking very loudly "Who wants to piss in his boots? Somebody needs to piss in his boots!! Hey, how about you?" Yet again I had to politely decline and make my way to the stall.

Or there was another time at yet another big gay party where this really kinky guy I knew was wearing hip-waders and jeans and was getting people to piss in them on the dancefloor. I tried, I really really tried. I even drank extra and waited until I was going to burst but it just didn't happen.

I like taking advantages of opportunities like these because they make for great stories. I guess trying and not succeeding still gives me the story to tell anyways. One day I'll do it though. One goddam day I will piss in or on someone in public and walk away proudly knowing that I accomplished something very important that day.

Or Maybe Not

The snow covered cabin sold yesterday - below the asking price. That sucks. Hopefully the other one will last until this weekend for us to look at. It's not bad either - more bedrooms, closer to the beach, 2 car garage and of course the 7 person hot tub.

Q is so good about these things. He's very good at calmly reminding me that we aren't in a rush, and that if it's meant to be, then it will happen. I however, have no problem making things meant to be - if I had my way. But I know he's right. I just get too excited over these kinds of things.

Crossing my fingers for Sunday.....

Or Maybe Here

We are going to look on Sunday!! This one is a 2 bedroom and sits on over 20 acres of property with a pond and is very private.

I tend to get really excited about these things. Q always has to remind me not to get all excited when the agent is around. Consequently I don't say much because what I want to do is shout "OH MY GOD I LOVE IT! I WANT IT! I WANT IT! I WANT IT!" Not that I've ever done that or anything.

Good things he's a great negotiator.

Party at the cabin!!

I might be spending my weekends here

This is a few minutes walk from the public beach for swimming in the lake. It's also a 4 bedroom - one of which is a LOFT. There's also the 7 person hot tub and a wood burning cooking stove in the kitchen.

R.I.P. - Robert A. Moog

The music world would be a much different place if it wasn't for the Moog and Mini-moog. The man was a genius.

Here's hoping that Wendy (nee Walter) Carlos is in his/her Sunday best playing excerpts from Switched-On Bach as you make your way out of this lifetime.

Thanks Goodness for Ayds

I came across this ad back in April for an unfortunately named weight loss drug from the 70s:




Now I've found the commercial. This poor girl finds shopping so upsetting - until she discovers Ayds that is. Now she can buy all the clothes she wants. All because she has Ayds!!!

Survivor - Ontario

Q and I decided to embark on one of many trips away from Toronto to look for a cottage. We want something on the water (or close to it) and if not, then a secluded log cabin or a vacant piece of land to build one. On Friday I got all excited about this one that was listed for $29,900. It was too good to be true, but I had to find out about it anyways so I left the agent a message. She called me a little while later and said that it was a typo - she forgot a zero. She then had no interest in talking to me further. Didn't ask what I was looking for, or offer to take my info or anything. What a bitch.

We spent Saturday touring around Lake Scugogg, then Sunday in the Kawartha lakes region - which is much nicer. We did meet some nice agents who were actually interested in selling properties. It amazes me how some people in the sales business can be so quick to push away a potential client. The Bitch had no idea what we were looking for, or even what we were willing to spend.

We didn't find our dream home, but here are some things we did see:

• Retardedly priced homes
• Some very nice retardedly priced homes
• Beautiful views
  
• A guinea hen
• A chicken that crossed the road
  
• A wild boar
• Rednecks
• Cute rednecks we'd like to corrupt - ("Have another beer - don't worry, as long as we don't kiss then you're not gay. Thaaaaaats it....")
• Missing teeth (I guess that falls under things that we didn't see)
• Sally Struther's twin sister
• Sally Struther's twin brother on a small, barely visible motorcycle that looked like it was going to collapse and was defying the laws of physics by not compressing into antimatter from the sheer weight.
  
• 3 cemetaries
• Bible Camp!!!
  
• Fat, shirtless men sitting on porches
• Redneck restaurant with a classic car motif and patio funiture inside for fine dining. The food was very good though
• A spoiled brat on her cell phone who didn't want to go to the races because it might rain and she didn't want to pay the money to get in if it's raining, so she just wasn't going unless daddy paid for the ticket. Daddy finally caved and she agreed to bring him a case of Coors and and carton of smokes.
  
• A comb-over that had fallen over the wrong way
• cars on cinder blocks

The list just goes on and on, but those were the highlights. I think I've had enough of driving for a while.

Ohh la la!

I love Goldfrapp. Their music varies from soft, warbling beauty to harsh, sexy, dirty electro and travels wonderfully everywhere in between. The new album, Supernature, will be released (in the UK at least) in a few days.

Thankfully the entire album is available for a listen on their website. That should keep me going until I can get my hands on it.

Enjoy.

Ghosts from the Past

I met up with a friend of mine tonight who I hadn’t seen in almost a year. We had a bit of a falling out last year. We’ve been friends for 10 years, and have seen each other through plenty of ups and downs. She was seeing a total ass at the time, who was doing nothing for her, and she was making poor life choices. I had finally had enough of her complaining, and having gotten out of a bad relationship myself, couldn’t stand to see her getting wrapped up in some complete and total loser. So I told her so. I put her situation into perspective and showed her what it looked like from a third party. I gave her a good dose of reality, and I’m not one to bullshit or sugar coat things either – I tell it like it is. She didn’t like it, and wasn’t ready to hear it. I left the conversation with the ball in her court. She could call me again when she’d thought about our conversation. She never did. Until now.

She’s no longer with the jerk (but still secretly hung up on him I think), and has done a whole lot of soul searching since then. She’s also lost a lot of weight - way too much weight. When I last saw her, she was overweight, but slowly losing it. Being that big was not natural for her, and it was good to finally see the pounds sliding off. However, she’s half the size of when I last saw her. Her face is long, cheeks almost sunken, no boobs left at all, thin fingers, and a dry, pasty complexion.  If you were able to see her aura, it would be dim.

She claims that she doesn’t know why she’s rapidly losing weight, that she’s gone for numerous tests but nothing has come up.  Granted she has had her share of health problems over the years, and there may be a contributing physical reason, but that’s not it. She looks borderline anorexic.  She told me that she works out now, but works 11 – 13 hour days and goes on 4 hours of sleep on average, and has a ton of energy.

I’m worried. I think she has some sort of disorder and doesn’t realize it. Maybe it’s anorexia, or something else, but something just isn’t right.

I’m glad she called. I’m not quick to turn someone away who is reaching out. But I have a bad feeling. A very bad feeling in the pit of my stomach like I’ve never had before.

And I don’t like it at all.

Now everyone knows my secret.

This morning I was vegging out on the couch when I suddenly realized that I had an appointment with my podiatrist at 8:30. It was 8:05. I jumped up, called the office to let them know I'd be a few minutes late, threw on some clothes and ran out of the the house. I ended up being about 10 minutes late, so it wasn't a big deal.

After that I went to Tim's to get my green tea (which they seem to be getting right lately), then went to work. About an hour later I hopped on the subway to go to a client's. As I walked in the door, I got the usual hello's and then an odd comment - "Did you get a new pair of jeans?"

I was just about to say "Yeah, how did you know?" when I looked over to see this person politely pull the sizing sticker off the leg of my pants.

It's gotta be monday.

The K-Y Reply

Well I received the following response after bitching to K-Y about their crappy Warming Liquid Crap Lube:

Dear Normlr:

I am pleased to respond to your recent e-mail concerning K-Y® Brand Warming UltraGel(tm) Personal Lubricant.

Johnson & Johnson constantly strives to provide products of the highest quality possible. I regret your experience with our product but appreciate the time you took to give us your feedback. Please be assured that your valued comments will be communicated to our Quality Assurance team.

I ask that you provide me with the 12-digit UPC scan code, the lot number of the product and your full name and mailing address in order to complete our follow up. Once these have been received, I will be happy to send you a voucher for a complimentary package of any JOHNSON & JOHNSON® product of your choice in appreciation of the time you took to contact us.

If I can assist you further, please do not hesitate to e-mail us again or call the Information Centre toll-free at 1 800 361-8068.

Sincerely,

Elizabeth

JOHNSON & JOHNSON® Information Centre

-----------------------------------------

That Elizabeth is so nice. How kind of her to offer me free product in return for the crappy one. She should get a raise. I guess it does pay to complain to companies if you are dissatisfied with their product. If anyone else still has their lube tube, just go to K-Y's homepage and fill out a complaint form. After I get my coupon in the mail, I'll be emailing them once more to let them know that other people I've spoken to share my same views.

Bitch out.

Epiphany.

It has occurred to me recently that I've been angry for a very long time. Not angry at any one person or thing in particular, but just pure anger nonetheless. I had surpressed it for all these years, only for it to manifest itself in other ways and once again rear it's ugly head. That's why I got sick earlier this year. When I get upset or stressed, the first thing to go is my stomach. So when I spent a number of months with severe digestive troubles, it was my rage tying to find some kind of outlet.

As a kid, we were never encouraged to express - let alone discuss our feelings. When we were punished, we weren't told exactly why what we did was wrong and it wasn't up for discussion either. It was early on that I learned to keep everything inside because trying to talk about it was fruitless. I tried off and on throughout the years, but soon realized talking with my parents about anything remotely personal was completely useless. Case in point - I tried to talk to my parents after I left Psycho. I told them that he was an abusive alcoholic. The response I got was "Oh, (well this is uncomfortable, let's change the subject) What's happening with the house?" That hurt - a lot. I was so disappointed that I'd managed to build up the courage to talk, only to be let down once again. A prominent pattern in my life.

I had the distinct fortune in life to be gay. I knew this as a very young child. In fact I don't ever recall a time in my life when I didn't know I was gay, or at least different. I was left to deal with it alone, as I was with most problems in my life. As a result, I was left with an extreme sense of loneliness and insecurity as a child. I only had a few friends growing up, and they were always girls. I just related better with them as they tended to be kinder, gentler and accepted me for who I was. I liked playing with dolls. I liked playing with Strawberry Shortcake. I also liked playing with Transformers, trains, and Star Wars figures. To me, a toy was just a toy and I didn't understand the taboo associated with which belonged to which gender. Girls had no problem with this, however boys did. So not only did I have the constant feeling that I was different, and that was bad, I also liked toys that I wasn't supposed to, and that was bad as well. And most of my friends were girls, and that was bad. Luckily as I branched out into my teenage years, I was able to find a good, close circle of friends who were just as wacky as myself, all of us in different ways. It felt good to finally belong.

But all those years of feeling isolated and shut off took their toll. Come to think of it, that's probably why I took to acting as a teen. It allowed me to express feelings and emotions, even if they weren't my own. My first real girlfriend - Cling-on (no not as in Star Trek) - as she was oh so affectionately known - was my first taste of a jealousness and possessiveness. She used to accompany me anywhere I went if girls were going to be there, even if they were my friends. Little did she know at the time that there was nothing to worry about.

When I finally allowed myself to like boys, I met The Walrus. Yet another person who clung to me, held me back, and tried to isolate me from the world. Then there was Psycho, who requires no further explanation, and finally J - who I haven't talked a lot about. We dated for about 6 months before I finally succumbed to my feelings for Q. But J had problems, was clingy and insecure, and a borderline alcoholic. Finally Karma swooped down and helped bring Q into my life. He's none of those things, and couldn't be if he tried. I love him more because of that.

As you can see, every one of those people shared a lot of similarities. When you feel lonely and that your feelings don't matter, that you aren't worth sticking up for, people like that come into your life. You let them in because that's all you know. The years I spent with Psycho I was almost completely shut off. I didn't really have an opinion on anything, and didn't really care. It used to drive him nuts, but with him, if I had the misfortune of having the wrong opinion, there was hell to pay. So I let him decide almost everything. It just wasn't worth the battle. I wasn't worth the battle.

The scary part to all of this is that my brother and sister have both fallen into the EXACT same traps in their lives. My brother has finally split up with his Medusa-esque bitch wife. I think that she may be related to Psycho. It frightened me when I realized the similarities between those two. Unfortunately, they have 2 very screwed up kids. They would have had more, but she kept "losing" the babies 3/4 the way through the pregnancy. I know for a fact that one was aborted, but she told everyone it was a miscarriage. Her mother let it slip. The only reason why she got pregnant in the first place was because he would threaten to leave. I hadn't spoken to him in 10 years until my uncle's funeral. I just didn't want anything to do with him while she was in the picture. We'll see if she's really gone this time.

As for my sister, she dated someone in highschool who was very controlling as well. She told me that had she stayed, it would definitely become abusive. She was lucky enough to find the strength to get out early, meet another guy in highschool and now they're married with 2 kids. Her husband's great, and I'm glad he's in our lives. She still has problems dealing with the scars of that relationship even today.

The therapy is helping a lot. It used to make me feel so bad to think of what I went through with Psycho and everyone else. I couldn't understand why I would let those kinds of things happen to me. I'm starting to understand now, and I feel better.

So anyone out there who's reading this, if you have kids or are planning on having kids, please talk to them. Discuss everything - the good and especially the bad. Make sure to explain why you want them to do the things you do, and listen to them when they disagree or don't understand. I know my parents love me and raised me the best that they could. They both grew up in similar environments, so it's all they knew as well. I'd just like for the cycle to be broken.

Virtual Reality

A friend sent me an email containing the work of Julian Beever. He's a pavement artist who draws images that, when viewed from the correct angle, look 3D.



Absolutely amazing. You can see more of his work here.

K-Y Warming lube isn't so hot

I bought something today.

Really? What is it?

Take off your clothes.

Okay!

I got the warming gel!

Cool!

Feel anything?

Well, feels nice.

Is it getting hot?

Um, maybe. I'm not sure.

Maybe it needs more friction. How about now?

I think so. maybe. I can't really tell.

Hmm, let me try.

Is it working??

Doesn't really feel any different. It's getting sticky, let me put a little more on.

Eww, doesn't taste very good.

You're not supposed to eat it!

It's not like I meant to!

Ugh, I can taste it on your lips.

This is getting really sticky. Just pass me the other stuff.

-----------

There, I just saved you all $18.99.

Update: I decided to email KY Canada and tell them that their product is crap. I'll let you know what happens when I get a response.

Listen Bitch

When I tell you that I can't fix your printer problem until the server is rebooted, don't give me flack. Don't ask me why the other printers work but that one doesn't, and then not accept my answer when you don't even know what you are talking about. And don't look at me like I'm stupid when I have 6 years of experience behind me in dealing with such trivial issues when you wouldn't even know what to look for in the first place. Stick with what you know, and I'll do the same.

And why when I send you a 2 line email asking you to close Outlook and all other programs because the server is going down do you come to me complaining that you can't get to your Excel files? Of course you can't, the server is down. That's why I asked you to close all other programs. I guess next time I'll have to specify Outlook, Word, Excel, Access, Quickbooks, and SuperPornMAchine2000.exe.

Sheesh

Danny Ford

Well all this bully talk got me thinking about another one from when I was in grade 7.

You see, when you're in middle school, there are only 2 levels of hierarchy - Grade 8 Bullies, and everyone else. Danny, of course fell into the former. Even though I never had any direct altercation with him, he and his cronies still managed to instill fear whenever they glared my way.

I do remember however, when he decided to do something different with his blonde mullet. Skid Metal was very popular back in the day (and still is in Port Hope, sadly) and I guess he wanted to emulate his favourite skid and get a curly mullet. So Danny got a perm.

Just imagine the sight of one of the scariest kids in school walking into the schoolyard with tight, long, blonde, poodle-curled hair. It was like his hairdresser (a.k.a. Mom), used the smallest rollers that she could find with the strongest perm product, and left it in for 8 hours. It was pretty hard to take him seriously after that, but none of us pushed our luck.

This past winter, Danny Ford drove his snowmobile at high speed directly into a tree. Apparently there were pieces of him and the snowmobile scattered everywhere.

Colin Brown

When I was in grade 6, me and a couple of friends used to meet at the highschool and walk together to our school, which was a few blocks away. As usual, there was also a gang of grade 8 kids who used terrorize us whenever we had the misfortune of appearing on their radar.

One day, after school had finished, I walked back by myself - the lone sheep who had strayed from the herd. I hadn't walked very far when this same group of kids came out of nowhere and swarmed me. The leader of the clan, a little toadie named Colin Brown, walked up to me, and without saying a word, punched me in the stomach. Then they took off.

I was pretty weak, self concious, and didn't know how to stand up for myself back then. So I made my way back to my school and burst into the classroom in a fit of humiliation and tears. My teacher calmed me down, had me tell her what happened, and called my parents to come pick me up.

The next day, I was called to the office, along with my teacher to meet with a police officer. I was informed that we were going to go across the street to Dr. Hawkins (the 7-8 school from hell) and that we were going to have a talk with Mr. Brown.

It was right near the end of the school year, so all the kids were writing exams in the gym. We showed up at the entrance - a teacher, a student and a cop - and pulled Colin away from the exam he was writing. We were then taken to a room where the cop had a little chat with him. I never had a problem after that.

However, as it turned out, Colin's sister and my sister were best friends, so you can imagine stupid he looked on top of it all. In September he went off to highschool, where he soon learned that far from being Mr. King Shit, he was actually at the bottom of the shit pile. My brother, the big , dumb jock, also happened to be finishing his last year of highschool then too.

One day, during the first week of classes, my brother walked up to him, grabbed him by the collar and threw him against a locker.

"Are you Colin Brown?" he asked.

"Yes" was the reply.

"I'm Jonathan's older brother." And then he let him drop. After that, Colin refused to go to school for 3 days. My sister told me he threw up every morning.

Years later, when I was home from University, I read in the local paper that Colin Brown was charged with molesting a 6 year old boy.

Taking Control

Yesterday, after my therapy session, I realized that I don't have to forgive Psycho for all the things that happened while we were together. I have to forgive myself.

After that, everything else is inconsequential.

Update: Dickeybird commented on the fact that he didn't think that there was anything that I had to be forgiven for. On the logical side that's true, but unfortunately on the emotional side it's not.

As the textbooks will tell, people in my situation are often left with a sense of shame, guilt, and embarassment for having put up with the crap for so long - regardless of the reasons for staying. It really doesn't make much sense, but it's usually the end result. What I am trying to do is understand exactly what in my life led up to that point, where my head was at, and what my motives were. Once I know the answer, then I'll have reason(s) to justify my behaviour (whether I like those reasons or not), and I won't feel so stupid anymore.

Things to see and do

Ever wondered what Star Wars Episode III would be like translated from English to Chinese and back to Engrish again? It would be called Star War Episode 3, The Backstroke of the West.

Floating Kitties. Cats captured in mid-flight. Cute.

Weight Watchers recipie cards from the 70's. You too can lose weight by making Fluffy Mackerel Pudding, Celery Log, Fish "Tacos", and my personal favourite - Inspiration Soup.



I'm inspired to never eat soup again.

Back to life, back to reality

Well, I'm back from my vacation. It was nice to have a week off with nothing to do, nowhere to go and no specific plans at all. I even took time off of blogging just to completely disconnect myself from my daily life.

During my days off I had a lot of time to think, and I had a lot of things to think about. A few days prior to my vacances, I had a session with my therapist. She struck a nerve that day, and released a lot of crap that had been buried deep down, and was never to see the light of day again, thank you very much. So it all came up in a flood. I'd been stressed out a lot over the past few months, as the volcano was preparing to erupt - and erupt it did.

As the days went by I started to feel angry. Very, very angry. I wasn't sure at what or who exactly, so it inevitably festered itself in some problems between Q and I. Monday night was the movie fiasco and by Tuesday, I was absolutely miserable, and almost beside myself. I had a pained look on my face all day, and when Q came home from work, I could barely stand to be in the same room as him. I ended up sleeping on the couch a couple of nights. It wasn't anything that he did at all, but I was just seething and wanted to be left alone. It got to the point where I was even contemplating ending things.

On Wednesday the chair arrived - that helped. Four massages later and a session with my therapist, and I felt better. When Q came home that night, we had a very frank talk and sorted some things out that we had both let slide. I soon came to realize the root of my rage, and once that happened, it dissipated very quickly. Of course I then had to explain to Q what it was all about and reassure the poor guy that he wasn't driving me over the edge.

Thursday I woke up with a smile on my face. I was happier and more relaxed than I had been in a very long time. It was like I just went through a cleansing. My new-found morning ritual of going to Tim Hortons for tea and then spending time in Withrow Park became a time of appreciation, not morbid reflection. It was nice.

It pisses me off a bit to think that I wasted most of my vacation time sulking on my own, but I guess that's just what I needed. I did end up having a great weekend, and feel much better at work too. I don't regret taking a week off just to myself, since I obviously needed it, but don't think I would do it again. I'd rather take that and make it some quality time with Q. Plus I think a real vacation is in order next time.