Back to life, back to reality

Well, I'm back from my vacation. It was nice to have a week off with nothing to do, nowhere to go and no specific plans at all. I even took time off of blogging just to completely disconnect myself from my daily life.

During my days off I had a lot of time to think, and I had a lot of things to think about. A few days prior to my vacances, I had a session with my therapist. She struck a nerve that day, and released a lot of crap that had been buried deep down, and was never to see the light of day again, thank you very much. So it all came up in a flood. I'd been stressed out a lot over the past few months, as the volcano was preparing to erupt - and erupt it did.

As the days went by I started to feel angry. Very, very angry. I wasn't sure at what or who exactly, so it inevitably festered itself in some problems between Q and I. Monday night was the movie fiasco and by Tuesday, I was absolutely miserable, and almost beside myself. I had a pained look on my face all day, and when Q came home from work, I could barely stand to be in the same room as him. I ended up sleeping on the couch a couple of nights. It wasn't anything that he did at all, but I was just seething and wanted to be left alone. It got to the point where I was even contemplating ending things.

On Wednesday the chair arrived - that helped. Four massages later and a session with my therapist, and I felt better. When Q came home that night, we had a very frank talk and sorted some things out that we had both let slide. I soon came to realize the root of my rage, and once that happened, it dissipated very quickly. Of course I then had to explain to Q what it was all about and reassure the poor guy that he wasn't driving me over the edge.

Thursday I woke up with a smile on my face. I was happier and more relaxed than I had been in a very long time. It was like I just went through a cleansing. My new-found morning ritual of going to Tim Hortons for tea and then spending time in Withrow Park became a time of appreciation, not morbid reflection. It was nice.

It pisses me off a bit to think that I wasted most of my vacation time sulking on my own, but I guess that's just what I needed. I did end up having a great weekend, and feel much better at work too. I don't regret taking a week off just to myself, since I obviously needed it, but don't think I would do it again. I'd rather take that and make it some quality time with Q. Plus I think a real vacation is in order next time.